Guest Deviltry

Greetings… hmmn… dis ain’t mah house, so I guess ‘Droogs n Droogettes’ is off the table. Guess I’ll just have to use the term “Furyans” mebbe?

What else you gonna call The Cold Fury Gang?

Me and Mike been talking quite a bit, so he done went and gave me permission to throw one out into the wind here at his house. Mucho Gratitude Bossman. Hope you like it.

Subject of the day goes on about the “P-Resident” Grampy Fingerbangs plan to have his ever-loyal and well meaning Believers of the One True and Just Church of the Branch Covidians doing the door-to-door dirty. Knowing the way things really work out there, there’s a couple of things aboot it that have me a bit of the concerned side, over and above the whole “Your Papers Please” STASI-State actions… I mean shit, THAT in itself is bad, but I also saw a recent TikTok vidya of a team of these clowns -somewhere- (looked like Georgia, judging on the terrain/trees weather), but the ‘former intel squirrel’ side of me, well, let’s say I’m worried.

Part of the reason is that there were Three people in the vidya. One of whom, well… there were two chicks and a dude. I can’t find the Vidya unfortunately… it was on Gab… (that and I’m a moron on embedding vidyas like TikTok on a blog) Anywho, the three, two chicks… standard Issue Covidians. Fat, short, out of weight, one of them all tatted up, and BOTH with the “Karen” haircut.

Do they have a central casting when it comes to looking for these people to do this sort of shit?
Methinks Aye.

Dude on the other hand. Tall, and what I’d call the standard issue DotFed/DotMil/DotPD haircut. Was also in shape. Not round like me, but “run-and-gun” shape. Raised my hackles when the guy shooting the vidya yells at them: “Git the hell offa mah propert-tie!!! Y’all are tres’pahssin’!!! Call yor boss!” (Like I said, Georgia methinks…) is yelling at them, and Dude, Dot-whatever Dude… he starts talking about, and gets his voice trampled a bit by yelling dude, about him knowing “‘former’ law enforcement buddies who live in the neighborhood…” or some such, after which Old Curmudgeon cuts his rant, tells the broad to “get the hell out of there but you can stay” to Dude. Makes me wonder IF they’re going to embed a Dot-Whatever Law Enforcement as part of the intel Gathering.

‘Cos that’s what the entire process is. Gathering Intel.

It’s obvious that the shirts and ID cards that the three were wearing/carrying is some sort of door-to-door outfit. Much like the solar power people who regularly, despite the big “NO SOLICITATION” signs in my A.O. entries, come in and bug the fuck out of us. Now, unfortunately, the leaked intel out there is that the Believers of the One True and Just Church of the Branch Covidians who’re doing the intel gathering, well they’ve been told to ignore that sort of thing. Go and bother people despite being told and or warned to “Fuck the Fuck Off” thankee very mucho. Hell… after all MY hassles before, my doormat, no shytte sez “You Better Have a Warrant”. Which then gets me to the next level of How do we deal with this?

Well listen Linda, we got an Idea. Might not be the best, but go with me.

There’s an app and website out there that years ago, I got sucked into it. It’s called “Nextdoor”. VERY annoying.

It’s literally a “Karen App”
Now it does have some useful aspects. It’s where I found Bob-the-Cat on it. The people who found him were desperate enough to put out pics of him to find him a good home, and I jumped on the frag, and he’s been a great part of the fambly ever since. Now to join, your neighborhood has to be in it, and the registration is a pure suckfest.


The “Karens” use it like ALL THE TIME to rant and rave and bitch, piss and moan at each other, the neighbors… man… soooooooooooooo much drama on that motherfucker… Reddit can’t even touch it sometimes. Now, that being said, I proposed we weaponize it. Use it against the Branch Covidians doing the door-to-door. One of the things is, if you allow it, and load it on your fon, you get alerts. And many times I get the alerts that there’s some ‘shady motherfucker’ (my words) going ’round ye olde neighborhood… anytime someone shady comes round too… and invariably, the local Sherriff/PD get called in by all the Karens to investigate…

Karens purely love to call the Sherriff/PD

Not that you’d be calling the fuzz, but say IF you spot the Believers of the One True and Just Church of the Branch Covidians going around or entering your A.O. (oh yeah, new house, forgot to define A.O. for the Furyans… it means your ‘Area of Operations’, be it your house and/or hood… your ‘turf’ so to speak… sorry ’bout forgetting that… I’m a guest and not all y’all are familiar with DotMil terminology). SO, as I was sayin’, if the BOTJCBC kids look like they’re rolling in, put them on blast on Nextdoor.

‘Cept don’t say they be Believers of the One True and Just Church of the Branch Covidians.

Say that they are suspicious people casing houses.

Possibly to do dirty deeds later

Yeah, they may look legit but how many times have we had a home invasion/break in here by people wearing ‘official’ looking electric company, water company or cable company uniforms (here it happens quite a bit unfortunately)
Down here in Flor-ree-duh! That all it’ll take. There are whahmyns who literally sit and WATCH for alerts like that and call in the ‘suspicious characters’ in their A.O.s.

Now, Imagine if every. single. time. the Branch Covidian Investigators get hemmed up by the Nextdoor App and the local PD, never mind the fact that some folks tend to be a bit more, shall we say reactionary? (i.e. a salesman here in my AO was held at gunpoint til the Sheriffs showed up to unfuck the sit-rep.) and viola… they’ll have to stop this bullshit lest someone gets capped (perish the thought! < /sarc >) or the local PD bans their asses, as there ARE covenants stopping door to door in MY AO, and a lot of others…

Hell, quick true story time, just to be irritating. 2006. Had a no-shit $25,000 bounty on MY head by Al Queda In Iraq. Preferably dead. Not uncommon for some of us contractors who’re a bit better known. I was on R&R… Went home to the new house here in the HOA Run neighborhood… (had no idea what an HOA was, and another curse on my XBitch for ever getting me stuck with that shit (spits).) So, I’m in the living room, and I notice a car pulls up. Sort of kinda parked where you really can’t see ’em unless your head is on ball-bearings after being on high alert for 9 months in a war zone. Passenger, well he rolls the window down, and starts taking pictures with a camera… sort of medium sized lens.

I naturally freaked the fuck out.
Screamed at the wife to get the kids and her ass in the safe room (internal closet I had set up in the master bedroom that was reinforced with liberated Kevlar Blast Blankets) and call 911. I told her “No fucking around get it done!!!” and I scrambled like the Flash to my gear. Yeah… I know… paranoid doesn’t even touch on how ‘live-wire’ I was back then. I’m much better now but then?
Nutjob Nonpareil.
I doffed my battle rattle (level 4 plate carrier vest, with 9mm and mags) Helmet, grabbed my ready M-4 (civvie semi auto only version but hot loaded with a full rigout), went out the slider at the back of the house and assaulted through to the vehicle. I had visions of AQI doing surveillance on the crib to ‘get me’… we still believed there were sleeper agents possibly in the US back then… around every corner was a fucking Haj amiright? So, I quickly, quietly slipped up on the drivers side and yanked the fucker out.

Now, mind you. Nice hot Florida Day. ALL the neighbors out, everyone WATCHING the local merc coming out in ‘combat mode’ to include the Serbian War Criminal. He sees me, does the math, and without my asking, he shows up like two minutes later as I was pulling the driver out and flex cuffed him (the driver) with his AK and HIS battle rattle. He snatches the passenger and I then hear the approaching police sirens… Only then did he ask in thick assed Eastern Euro Accent: “OK man, what we do this for?” Told him I thought they might be Haj (one was dark enough to be for damned sure) and the two of them, well… driver and passenger were sort of babbling and freaking the fuck out. I didn’t say a word when I pulled the driver out except til his ass hit the concrete while I kneeled on his back while holding the passenger at rifle point… then it was “DON’TMOVEDON’TMOVEDON’TMOVE!!!”. Sherriff showed up in force and had been told that the ‘good guy’ was in tac-rig. The Serbian with the AK, that was a touch and go for a minute, but he’d already put it down before they showed, so a plus there. Gawd I miss that dude…

Took a few to unfuck the situation.
Seems they were with the HOA.
Apparently my garbage cans were placed in the wrong area.
Thank Christ I didn’t get sued. Or arrested. That being said, it would have looked bad all around. PTSD was just becoming a ‘thing’ and the local PD were cool, as were the guys who I snatched up. Needed to change their underpants I think, but very understanding once I explained everything. The HOA company, in all seriousness quit doing our neighborhood… the HOA board had to get a new management company, and for like 8 years no-one came even remotely near mi casa.

Win-Win in my book. So, anyways…

Now, don’t do anything illegal… like I did when I was crazy-(er). Just alert your neighbors to the possibility and let the Wild Karens run their natural ways.

I’m pretty sure a couple dozen or so times of the local yokels getting ‘suspicious person calls’ and being hustled out to investigate the Believers of the One True and Just Church of the Branch Covidians that they -might- put a blanket ban on that shit. Hell, I’m thinking in some areas after someone gets the treatment I gave the HOA kids that it’ll get shut down toute le suite.

Either way… my worthless 2 cents. Hope you enjoyed. To my host Mike, I thank you sir. Been an Honor and a Pleasure (and he’s gonna pull my privileges… any bets?) Hope not and hope I didn’t bore ya to tears. To Ye Olde Furyans, I thank you for the opportunity.
More Later I’m the Intrepid Reporter

Big Country


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