A total shoo-in—a perennial favorite, selected by unanimous acclimation, no doubt. Time now to retire the title, I should think.

If one were to look up the word “bland” in the dictionary, you might find a picture of Mitt Romney next to the definition.

If one were to imagine that “obsolete” had a face, it might look like Mitt Romney.

If one were to investigate the origin of the term “non-entity”, Mitt’s name might come up more than a few times.

There is no better indication of a man’s decline — in the moral, ethical, and practical senses — than the following statements:

“Ann and I both extend our congratulations to President-elect Joe Biden and Vice-President-elect Kamala Harris. We know them both as people of good will and admirable character. We pray that God may bless them in the days and years ahead.” (November 7, 2020)

“America is in denial. Too many Americans are blithely dismissing threats that could prove cataclysmic…President Joe Biden is a genuinely good man…” (July 4, 2022)

In between those two gems of delusion there are a spate of quotes that describe Joseph Robinette Biden as everything from a man of integrity to the best thing since penicillin, and I could be here all day reprinting slobbering love quotes from Romney all attesting to the character and all-around swell-ness of the man who once stood on a stage and accused Romney of wanting to reintroduce slavery, of being a misogynist, and of personally giving another human being cancer.

If Dingbat Joe is your BFF, Mitt, he certainly has a strange way of showing it.

The safest place on Planet Earth, it would be appear, is in Mitt Romney’s face, insulting him. In the event of nuclear war, I intend to find the Senator and take cover under the shelter of his enormous lack of good sense.

And you, Mitt, will always have the singular distinction (one could make the argument that Hillary Clinton may be co-title holder) of having lost to two men who will forever occupy positions 1a and 1b on any future “Worst Presidents in American History” list.

In retrospect, the best quality of Barack Hussein Obama is that he at least showed no interest in doing the work that came with the job, and so the damage was limited to bloviation, race-hustling and going on taxpayer-funded vacation every other week.

In the case of the Delaware Dullwit, however, the fact that the man couldn’t tie his own shoes, on a good day, has made him the perfect catspaw for a slew of destructive and incomprehensible policies and pronouncements that have begun the paving of the proverbial road to Hell.

If only…IF ONLY…you had managed to defeat perhaps the weakest candidate EVAH to run in 2012, Willard, we might have managed to dodge this particular runaway torpedo. You couldn’t beat a Barack Obama saddled with a poor economy, the baggage that resulted from the ObamaCare fiasco, the apparent lack of enthusiasm for the job, the Mussolini-like venality and arrogance, and a track record of busted NCAA brackets, to achieve the highest office in the land, and all that idiot had to run on was that you were somehow worse?

Even with your own, Massachusetts brand of government-not-provided healthcare to your credit?

And that he had Usama bin Laden shot in the fucking face?

If only Dick Cheney had been around…

If anything, the presence of such ineffective people — including yourself — sitting in the US Senate is a glaring piece of evidence that perhaps the institution has outlived its usefulness.

Indeed it is—one of all too many. Bad as all the above has to smart, there’s still a bounteous plenitude of stinging, painful opprobrium directed Mitt-wards at the link.

Update! I inadvertently omitted the greatest Mitt-related quote of all time, from the same source: “Mitt Romney is like a hemorrhoid: easily forgotten when it stays in its place, infinitely irritating when it decides to make its presence felt.” Heh.