MAAA! The Bee is making it almost impossible to tell whether it’s satire or just straight-up news again!!
People Who Ruined World’s Economies Gather To Discuss How To Fix World’s Economies
CORNWALL—According to sources, the people who ruined the world’s economies by promoting lockdowns, economic shutdowns, and printing cash have gathered in the United Kingdom this week to discuss how to fix the world’s economies.
The very people who implemented anti-science policies that simultaneously did nothing to stop COVID and ruined millions of livelihoods gathered to enjoy their triumph over the virus and talk about how to fix everything.
“We assure you — we will have a great plan to fix everything!” said the people whose plans ruined everything. “Trust us — when have we ever been wrong about anything?”
From Boris Johnson and Joe Biden to Justin Trudeau and that weird French guy, members of the summit had pushed harmful economic policies rather than just letting the people reach herd immunity and go on with their lives. But they’re now claiming they are the people you need to listen to for reopening the very economies that they destroyed.
At publishing time, the entire world was praying for a giant tidal wave to hit the beach where the attendees were gathered.
Prayers: answered. Problem: solved. World: saved.
World’s Economy Saved As Giant Crack In Earth Swallows Up All G7 Conference Attendees
CORNWALL—A time of peace and prosperity has broken out across the earth after a sudden earthquake opened up a crack in the earth’s crust and swallowed up all G7 world leaders in mere seconds.
Witnesses reported feeling a low rumble beneath their feet as Joe Biden, Justin Trudeau, Angela Merkel, and others gathered on the green grass for a photo op. The rumble grew to a roar as the ground below them opened up and dragged every G7 leader into the depths of the earth. The ground then closed up over them and they were never heard from again.
“Hey guys, please remember to use my preferred pronouns,” Trudeau had begun to say. “We need to be sensitive to– AAAHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
Experts are unsure who will be taking over the important work of running the planet, issuing random lockdown orders, and fighting climate change in the absence of such brilliant and courageous leaders.
“This is such a disaster. What will we ever do without them?” said 1 or 2 people around the world.
World governments have assured their citizens they will continue the important work of building back better for everyone. American citizens will be mourning the terrible loss this weekend with backyard barbecues.
After the celebration, what we should be doing is taking concrete steps to prevent any Ruling Class as reprehensible, incompetent, and arrogant as this one from reconstituting itself and rising to power ever, ever again.