Defending the indefensible.

Penn prof defends Jeffrey Toobin’s Zoom mishap

“Mishap”? More like a “misfap,” I’d say.

University of Pennsylvania Graduate School of Education professor Jonathan Zimmerman argued that New Yorker columnist and CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin’s accidental self-exposure during a work video conference call was a “pseudo-scandal” rooted in Americans’ “collective unease with masturbation.”

Toobin was suspended from the New Yorker after he left his camera on while engaging in an act of self-pleasure during a Zoom meeting with colleagues. He said he believed that he had turned off his camera.  

“We Americans love to talk — and talk, and talk — about sex,” noted Zimmerman while discussing the incident in the New York Daily News. “But there’s one topic that remains taboo, and Toobin is paying the price for it.”

“You might say that he shouldn’t have been pleasuring himself during a work call, but that’s his business rather than yours,” said Zimmerman, noting that Toobin’s exposure was not intentional.

Au contraire, bub. The chicken-choker made it everybody’s business when he failed to make the critical but very easy distinction between what “Mute” means, and what “Video ON” means.

But should we just accept on faith that the Rub A Dub Schlub really IS that stupid in the first place? This is a Mark-1, Mod-0 Enemedia propagandist we’re talking about here, after all. Going strictly by the available evidence, every one of those people—from Charlie Rose to Matt Lauer, Male, Female, or one of the 73-and-counting flavors of Other—is a perverted, bizarre sexual sicko. Hell, even the Demonrat candidate for POTUS is a confirmed creepazoid who gets his jollies sniffing and snoodling little girls, ferchrissake. So, bearing the core truth of twisted shitlib sexual obssession in mind, just how sure can any of us really be that Toobin’s live-streamed weenie-wrangling was all that “accidental,” anyway?

DID he hit the wrong button out of nothing more than profound ignorance? If so, maybe someone should pull (ahem) Toobin aside and explain to him the modern miracle of a small piece of black electrical tape; placed carefully over the computer’s camera lens before going trouser-spelunking in front of a live monitor, it makes for an inexpensive and wonderfully effective prophylactic measure.

Or is it far more likely—well into the computer/internet/tech era, when even a relatively slow pre-pubescent comprehends that “Mute” has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with video—that Loobin’ Toobin was trying to get his rocks off via exposure of an act of solo self-indulgence,in flagrante dick-yecchto, to all and sundry? That forcing unwilling others to become active participants in his own personal kink, and the concomitant humiliation, is part of the thrill for him?

Either way, let the horselaughs and making of sport continue, sez I. The rest of us have every bit as much right to our own preferred brand of fun as pud-pounder Toobin does.