Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

The New Year

Here are a few things I’d like to see transpire in the New Year, all of them encumbered by varying degrees of hopeless wishful-thinking:

  • More money and fame for myself, less for the Clintons, Jimmy Carter (“the world’s most moral man”), Eminem, Britney, and Adam Sandler.
  • More good, hard, sweaty sex for myself, less for the Clintons. Well, maybe more for her; it’d do her good, I bet. But he’s overdue for a good long dry spell. Not that that’ll happen, of course.
  • More forthrightness, directness, and plain-speaking from the Bush Administration, less rope-a-dope and contradictory good cop/bad cop from you-know-who.
  • More War on Terror, less War on (Some) Drugs.
  • More reasoned and at least defensible/sensible liberalism a la Armed Liberal, PopOne, and Wilde, less knee-jerk anti-American, anti-capitalist, anti-liberty, anti-common sense Leftism a la the Democrap Party and the mainstream press. I think I’ll have to make a couple of exceptions here for Michael Moore and Babsy Streisand, just because their hysterical spluttering alarmism is just so damned funny.
  • More acknowledgement of at least some culpability from said Loony Left for such things as the utter failure of negotiations, appeasement, and “inspections” in North Korea (brought to you by Messrs. Carter and Clinton, thanks very much – currently re-showing at an Iraqi WMD multiplex site near you); the utter failure of same in Israel, thanks to the aforementioned candidates for sainthood again; and less shrill blaming of Republicans in particular and America in general for every last injustice in the world when someone has to come along to clean up shiny happy Leftism’s bloody mess yet again.
  • Along the same lines, more acknowledgement that such failure has indeed occurred, less insistence that solutions can be arrived at only by continuing to plod doggedly along the same path, or (shudder) that the failure was not caused by the obtuse wrongheadedness of the Lefty solution but because we didn’t do enough of [insert bonehead unworkable idea which contradicts everything we know about human nature HERE] in the first place. See this story on the current gun-control follies in England for a classic example.
  • More acknowledgement from the Dems that they currently rely far more on racially-divisive politics to win elections than the Republicans ever did, less of the Republicans-as-slavery-nostalgists every time it’s suggested that maybe, just maybe, we can do better than attempting to address problems of racial discrimination by relying on a policy of state-mandated racial discrimination.
  • More acknowledgment from the Dems that they’re simply pro-tax and pro-big government, period, less of the “we’re fighting for the little guy” crap when they try to stomp every attempt at tax relief into the ground. Likewise, more acknowledgement from the Dems that when they are arm-twisted into voting for some long-deferred tax cut or other, they’re doing so not because they believe it is the right thing to do, but because they can’t afford to be generally known as exactly what they are: the party of higher taxes and bigger government.
  • More recognition from Republicans that you can’t sincerely claim to be for limited government at the same time you’re insisting the government involve itself in all sorts of extremely personal decisions.
  • More recognition of geopolitical realities and the existence of legitimate US interests in far-flung corners of the globe from the Libertarian Party, less wackjob pre-Monroe-era isolationism.
  • More notice taken and non-condescending mention made of serious third-party or independent candidates for office (if any) in the mainstream press, less barely-obscured cheerleading for the two-party status quo juxtaposed with insincere laments on the dismal choices offered the voting public and the voting public’s “completely understandable” disenchantment with them.
  • Again for the mainstream press, more recognition of the stark raving left-wing lunacy of groups like PETA, Earth First, and various anti-war nuthatches, and less insistence on appending “gun-nuts” or “extremists” to every pro-Second Amendment group there is, up to and including the NRA. More appending of tags such as “left-wing” or “extremist” to people like Ted Kennedy and groups like the Brookings Institute.
  • More booze, less hangover.
  • More honest reassessment of the UN as having degenerated into a useless forum for blame-America-firstism and very little else, less howling about “unilateralist cowboys” every time an American President has the audacity to do what he’s paid to do, namely, put American interests ahead of, say, France’s – or of some dimestore dictator’s (who most likely has his free hand in our deep foreign-aid pockets while pounding on the lectern with his other as he vigorously denounces us).
  • At long last, more acknowledgement that you can in fact quite easily lose a war by refusing to fight in the first place. Especially when you’re too busy agonizing over whether it can ever be morally correct to pop someone upside the head, even when someone just broke your nose with no warning and looks to be drawing back to hit you again. Less insistence that pacifism is always a loftier moral standard than self-defense – even preemptive self-defense – can ever be.
  • More concern over the death of American soldiers, less over unintended civilian casualties in a war we didn’t ask for in the first place. Not “none,” mind you; of course not. But certainly not more than is extended to our own blood kin, who would much rather be stationed in Hawaii or even Oklahoma than Kabul or Djibouti, I guarantee you, and who have been placed in harm’s way not by American hubris or imperialism but by the immediate necessity to defend a way of life that the anti-Americans here at home all benefit richly from, despite their loud contempt for it.
  • More recognition of the certain reality that there are dark and dangerous places in the world, made so by the dark and dangerous places in human hearts. Less wilful and culturally arrogant blindness to them, and less insistence that if we all hold hands and send more money, people who have been born and bred to hatred will suddenly be made reasonable and pure and will miraculously stop praying daily and most sincerely for our destruction. More recognition that evil is real, and contemporary to boot, not just some obscure and outmoded idea from Milton or the Bible.
  • At least some recognition from that idiot Patty Murray that we have in fact built plenty of schools, roads, and hospitals all over the world; philanthropy is not exclusive to the bin Ladens of the planet, as absurd a sentence as that is to even have to write. More acknowledgement from the moral-equivalence crowd that even when we do the right thing, some will hate us in spite of it, or maybe even because of it.
  • More use of the absolutely correct term “terrorist” from various preposterously slanted news outlets, less obfuscatory use of euphemisms like “gunmen” or “extremist” when describing people who target civilians as a matter of strategic and tactical course.
  • More topless bars, less poetry slams.
  • More cubic inches, less nitrous oxide.
  • More Rumsfeld, less Carville.

That’s all I got right now, but I daresay I could come up with more. A lot more, unfortunately.

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