Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

And Your Mother, Too…

I hate Green weenies. Most modern Greens are simply collectivists, or trendy dirt worshiping idiots. The fact that humans evolved eyes on the front of their faces and teeth that are both grind-y and sharp (making us predatory omnivores) is horrifying to them. The fact that the Earth is something generally beyond our control, is also horrifying to them; witness the nightmare they suffer if you mention that maybe global warming, er, GLOBAL WARMING (!) may not be anthropogenic, and even if it is, perhaps current temperatures are not ideal. In short, Being Green in the popular sense of the term is a half-baked secular religion that serves in place of a belief in God, or failing that in place of a viable Los Angeles football franchise.

But just because the Greens are idiots about the Earth doesn’t mean the rest of us have to be as well. Like a broken clock, the Greens are right on a couple points now and then – kinda like the Marxists are accurate in pointing out that poverty sucks and history sort of marches on.

As conservatives and/or libertarians, there is nothing wrong with showing some respect for the Earth. What the hell, we live here, right? Might as well not screw it up.

The mission for us is to salvage what’s good about the green agenda and chuck the rest out. Or if it makes you feel better about it, to revive the conservationist spirit within conservatism. By all means don’t bother with crappy lightbulbs if they give you a headache. And laugh at the ‘carbon neutral’ racket. But when you go to do some work on your house, consider whether replacing the old furnace with a new high efficiency model would be a good investment – make use of that government label estimating energy usage. What about some air sealing and insulation? That could pay off, given the price of fuel and the impending power rate hikes. Get some nice new windows, and make the wife happy… and reduce your heating & cooling bills. Building a house? Let me tell you, a house that runs the Energy Star standards is both cheaper to heat and cool, but it is *damn* comfortable due to the efficiency of the HVAC systems and the extra attention paid to thermal barriers and air sealing. (We’re talking fewer drafty, hot and cold spots, and more even air quality).

When you’re looking at cars, think about what it would be worth to you, to stick a thumb in Hugo Chavez’ eye, or to tweak those sonovabitchin’ Saudi princes, the not-insubstantial number of them who fund the murder of our troops with petrodollars. It wouldn’t be worth driving a Toyota Pious for me… but I’d think about one of the sport-ute hybrids, and maybe opt for a ‘good enough’ V-6 rather than the ultimate V-8. Consider riding your bicycle to work once in a while, or out on small errands… yeah, it’s nice for the Earth but maybe it might help you cheat The Reaper for another year and you might have fun doing it, plus you wouldn’t have to throw out all those old pants that don’t fit… yet. Give some money to help set aside land (make sure it will be open for sporting use). Go to the town hall meeting and be a dickhead about the new, big-land, big sprawl development going in over yonder that is going to turn traffic on that side of town into a huge pain-in-the-ass, not to mention needing a shitload of bonds and municipal debt to get the roads built. Hell, take your kid hunting and fishing and camping, or learn how to yourself if you don’t know how. (You’d be doing Momma Gaia a favor if you were to cull a couple deer this fall…mmmmm… deeeeer. Tasty.)

The point is, just because some assholes are waving the earth flag, doesn’t mean the rest of us have to become assholes moving in the equal and opposite direction. A lot of y’all know this, but sometimes I think many conservatives have lost a bit of the respect for the land and waters that used to be very much a part of the movement – that may have gotten read out with the Southern Agrarians, or it may have been like everything else the smelly leftists touch, it picks up a stink and nobody wants to be near it. But you talk about throwing the babies out with the other babies… The point being there is nothing wrong with putting the ‘conserve’ back into conservative. You might find that some of the things you do actually stand on their own merits, stupid green weenie politics aside. I can’t tell you how many times this conservative has ridden a bike to work, only to be passed by legions of self-aggrandizing wankers with various green weenie bumper stickers on their enormous sport utes… That kinda makes me feel good about my choices.


5 thoughts on “And Your Mother, Too…

  1. Agree with every word Al.
    My problem with the Greens has been they have taken “don’t litter’ and turned it from a civic virtue into a cardinal virtue.

  2. This is a topic that gives me the vapors, since I work with the land every friggin day. People have no idea how much more wildlife, birds, etc, there are now than there were 30 years ago. Modern Agriculture is definately doing it’s part, although in some instances I’d like to see less tree clearing and more agroforestry, or grazing, or uses that change the land less and still make the operator a living, but that’s a personal choice, and if I wanna change it, I need to make the money to buy the land and make that choice.

    Now, on the topic of Urban expansion, I think that’s way more dangerous than global warming, at least to me and my family. The nearest city has gone from being 150 miles away to 70 miles away. When these huge developements come in they move huge amounts of earth, while, in addition to being ugly as hell, change the groundwater, change storm runoff, etc, etc, etc. I’m also sick of urbanites driving up land prices to the point where only the rich, or those who sell a subdivision or four in a metro area can afford land and operate.

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"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." – Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution

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