Leftist history

July 17th, 2009

As the man says, this goes a long way towards explaining the stupid, empty bumper sticker slogans that form the basis of their worldview:

The Alternative Secret History of the World
On the Fourth of July Americans will cynically celebrate the greatest setback world progress has ever endured in all of human history. The rest of humankind will, of course, be grieving over the dark day when the United States of America was born. To understand the full scope of this tragedy we must look back at the pre-7/04 world and see what it was like to live on planet Earth before 1776.
Prior to July 4, 1776, not a single person in the world starved, got sick, worked hard for a living, or experienced any pain and anxiety. No one had ever been oppressed or unfairly exploited because the oppressive and unfair American system had not yet been created.

Since the beginning of time employment had been equally guaranteed to anyone who cared to work, along with an equal pay of exactly $1,000 a week regardless of outcome, occupation, or the geographical area. All work was equally pleasant and enjoyable. Those who chose not to work also received $1,000 a week in unemployment compensation and Union benefits. Other guaranteed people’s rights included the right to housing and free universal health care, as well as the right to 100% literacy through federally funded public education.

People never heard of wars, crime, corruption, slavery, torture, murder, cannibalism, and man-made hurricanes. Peace and harmony reigned supreme because the concepts of greed, selfishness, and private property had not yet been invented by the American corporate interests and maliciously spread around the world as part of the American cultural hegemony.

Each person in that ideal world practiced his or her own peaceful spirituality, worshipping Earth, Nature, and the Sacred Feminine, while honoring the spiritual traditions of everyone else. Benevolent chieftains dispensed benefits to their subjects to each according to their needs, making sure that ethnic and sexual minorities were equally and proportionally represented in all spheres of public life. Habeas Corpus was the law of the land, along with Exit Strategy and Geneva Conventions.

And we all lived forever. Oh yeah, we could fly, too. And were invisible when we wanted to be.

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  1. Robohobo
    July 17th, 2009 at 20:55 | #1
    We have had the privilege of living during the most successful and peaceful time on the planet and in human history. This has been an age of miracles, truly, miracles made reality. It has been so successful that those who have lived at the center of this society have forgotten that it is an age of miracles and have deluded themselves into believing that the world was always thus. And even more, they have deluded themselves into believing that the society that created these miracles is responsible for all the bad things that those who do not live within this society perpetuated on others. Their soft living has addled their brains and made defective their cognitive processes.

    That being said, the times that are coming, the destruction of this miraculous society are viewed as human justice. I do believe that when those who are working to bring down this miraculous society get their wishes and see the world as it really is - fang, claw, blood and sinew - they will realize the folly of their desires. But, it will be too late. Those who strove to keep the miraculous society alive will never again let those who are so mentally deluded into that society again.

    If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.
    -Samuel Adams, speech at the Philadelphia State House, August 1, 1776

  2. Richard
    July 18th, 2009 at 07:09 | #2
    Looks like Robohobo has it covered, and without the sarcasm and profanity I would have used.
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