Yeah, great, we’ll get right on this. After we do some other things first.

The Guardian has published an open letter from teen climate alarmist Greta Thunberg and 20 other children in advance of the World Economic Forum in Davos listing their demands of the world’s leading countries.

She also notes that “many of us who signed this are children,” so “do not make up your own quotes or twist our words.” We’ve read the whole piece and can guarantee it wasn’t written by a 16-year-old, and we were a little disappointed that it wasn’t a list of demands, but rather just one:

We demand that at this year’s forum, participants from all companies, banks, institutions and governments immediately halt all investments in fossil fuel exploration and extraction, immediately end all fossil fuel subsidies and immediately and completely divest from fossil fuels.

We don’t want these things done by 2050, 2030 or even 2021, we want this done now – as in right now.

Kids often want things right now.

To twist a favorite retort of my dear old maternal grandma’s: “Demand” in one hand. Shit in the other. See which one gets full the quickest.

Greta is fastly evolving from a clueless, obnoxious, but still only moderately annoying little brat into a slightly more annoying little brat. Next time she decides to throw another tantrum like this, she needs to be sent straight up to bed without any dinner, made to stand in the corner for a couple hours, or bent over a knee and spanked. She “demands” a world without: transportation more efficient than horses or walking; anything made with plastic, which would necessarily include iPhones, computers, essential medical devices, many types of clothing, and way too much more to list; indoor lighting and heat; and oh, so very much more.

In other words, she demands that we revert to a way of living so primitive, so uncivilized, and so just plain miserable it’s too overwhelming to even contemplate for long. Average lifespan would go back to about 35 or so; starvation would again be the rule rather than exceptional; diseases once very nearly eradicated will once again be rampant. Tainted or spoiled food will become common thanks to the loss of modern vacuum-sealed packaging, which seals out bacteria and delays spoilage and rot. Speaking of food, everyone will pretty much be limited to whatever we can grow or hunt ourselves, without the variety, quality, and convenience of fully-stocked grocery stores and restaurants.

Yeah, no, Greta. You and all your moronic Green confreres are free to give up all that health, happiness, and ease to live the Cro-Magnon dream yourselves if you like; have at it, and best of luck to you. The rest of us like modernity just fine and will carry on as we were, thanksverymuch. We don’t intend to sit still while you regress the world into the savage, deadly conditions we spent thousands of years evolving our way out of.