I don’t write about these things much anymore, and haven’t in a while. I used to really enjoy tweaking Steven Den Beste about my beloved Macs versus his crappy ol’ PeeCees back in the old days; him, me, and Brian Tiemann had many an enjoyable and informative three-way e-mail exchange about that stuff, with my old friend CapLion chiming in on mine and Brian’s side now and then, just to make the fur really fly. It was great fun, and educational as all hell, too. I like to think the resulting rasslin’ around on our respective blogs yielded some worthwhile reading for our respective audiences to enjoy as well.
But nowadays tech is slowly but surely leaving me behind. Perhaps even more appalling, I’m A-okay with that increasing disengagement, too; I’m an old dog now, getting older by the minute, and am finding myself less and less interested in all the new tricks. I do make a half-assed effort (okay, quarter-assed) to at least keep the young ‘uns in sight as they blaze off into the ether in their self-driving aircars and their personal jetpacks and their Travolators in the sky and suchlike. But as time grinds implacably on, the appeal of just staying on the porch and waving at them from a creaky old bentwood rocker as they reach escape velocity grows ever more compelling.
Notwithstanding my creeping fuddy-duddydom, to any of you Android users out there wondering about the new 7.0 update and willing to trust this old dog’s assessment: DO IT. Just do it. I installed it yesterday, and it is GREAT: a noticeable up-kick in speed across the board, and the extension of battery life (thanks in part to a sleep feature called Doze) is nothing short of astonishing. There are other new features I haven’t played with much yet, and not being a smartphone guru by any stretch I probably won’t get around to exploring some of them at all. I have fooled about a little with the split-screen dealie, which is a neat little confection but maybe not all that useful to anybody but a true power-user—which, as I already admitted, I sure ain’t. But the jump in speed and battery life alone are enough to make it well worth installing.
If it’s of any interest to anybody, I’m on a Moto X Pure which I’ve had for about a year now, and just love to little bitty pieces. They were discontinued towards the end of last year, if I remember right, which made me glad I’d gotten mine under the wire, and for an almost unbelievably cheap price* too. Now, with this update breathing new life into the old girl, I’ll be happily hanging onto her for a goodish while yet, or so I hope.
Yep, you whippersnappers can have your damned Dick Tracy wrist teewees and your Star Trek communicators a-beeping and a-blatting at you and all. Me, I’m gonna stick to ol’ Princess over here. It’s got a great big bright ol’ screen that I can actually read—and at my age that ain’t optional**, nosirree. And with this update, it looks to stay current enough for my purposes for a long, long while yet, unless I drop it in a toilet or lay it on the floor and then forget and step on it or put it in the microwave for no damned reason or something.
Now get off my damn lawn, you kids.
Den Beste would probably have been annoyed with me for not having an iPhone, if only because it would leave us with one less thing to joust over. Probably he wouldn’t have ever openly admitted to giving a damn, and would have been all ready with an elegant, eloquent, and well-reasoned two thousand word treatise on why he didn’t. But as one curmudgeon surely knows another, I bet I’m right. I can just tell.
Truthfully, though, I just never did get too excited about the iPhones, although I do still love my Macs. I don’t know why. Maybe my gravitating to Android over iOS was an early symptom of latent codgerhood. Maybe my disinterest in the iPhone was my last gasping breath of the adolescent rebellion and nonconformity that was like oxygen to me my whole life. Maybe they’re just too freakin’ expensive, and I can’t afford one, and I resented it subconsciously.
And maybe, just maybe, I’ll get a PC someday just for the hell of it, and get Steven spinning in his grave for reals. Just because.
Damn, but I do miss that boy. If you got the time, I strongly recommend that you click the link above to the archives of his old USS Clueless site and poke around a bit. You won’t be sorry, I promise; he was one of the very best of us OG warbloggers, and it’d be a shame for you noobs not to hip yourselves to him. It was an honor and a thrill to be linked and excerpted by him now and then, and I got all happy every time he did—even when he was deftly demolishing one of my arguments, jackhammering it to rubble bit by pitiful bit until there was nothing left of it but a slight whiff of failure wafting gently away into nothingness. Which I admit he did, once or twice. The Mac/PC stuff excepted; he was just dead fucking wrong about all that, of course.
From Den Beste to Droid to Den Beste in one mid-length, mostly-coherent post; don’t know how that happened, but I assure you you won’t find such toothsome noodling about anyplace else but right here, folks. Which, y’know, might not be the ringing endorsement I think it is, now that I consider it. The mostly-coherent part is no mean feat either, when you’re high on Metamucil and Geritol, wear a pair of readers around your neck full-time, haven’t bothered to pick up your hairbrush in weeks because what the hell’s the point, and have enough laxatives bouncing around in your belly to break down three miles of I-85 into a fine powder.
So yeah, go getcha some Android 7.0 Nougat, y’all. Do it for Steven.
*Does a whopping 200 bucks for a brand-new smartphone—delivered to my door direct from Motorola, highly customized and without any of the bloatware installed by the big service providers to clog things up—that only a couple months before had been the flagship of the line and thus went for 700 sound like a bargain, or what? I mean, COME ON, people.
**One of the new features I haven’t fooled with yet is the ability to increase the size of everything on the entire screen, icons, text, and all. I probably won’t be bothering with it, actually. Despite all my joshing and jesting above, I ain’t quite that far gone just yet, thankyouverymuch.