Vicious cycle indeed

As the title says:

An Unexpected Cultural Clue About America Today, from…Elvis
Elvis Presley’s 1969 hit, “In the Ghetto” provides a prescient glimpse of what would later happen to generations of young black men who lived out their short lives on the mean streets of America’s urban ghettos.

As his first big hit in more than eight years, “In the Ghetto” played a key role in resurrecting his singing career, which floundered in the 1960s when he transitioned away from live performances to pursue an acting career in Hollywood.

Written by singer/songwriter Mac Davis, the song was originally titled “The Vicious Cycle,” an apt description of the endless trail of tragedies that would befall millions of young men fated to be born in the ghettos of America’s biggest cities. 

Now, the article itself is good, and you should definitely take a gander at it. Needless to say, the song is a bona fide classic—a powerful, unforgettable piece that Elvis did a most moving rendition of, rightly vaulting the once and forever King back to the pinnacle of artistic and commercial success after his long 60s drought.

But it immediately put me in mind of the parody version Paul Shanklin did for Rush Limbaugh years ago, too. So I did a quick Duck Duck Go search just for the hell of it, and looky what I found.




HOWLINGLY funny, a real scream. Stick with it all the way through and I’m confident you’ll recognize which part has had me choking with laughter all damned day long. Shanklin’s rip is funny enough all by itself, but whoever put this video together is nothing less than a damned genius.

To hell with ’em all

DuToit follows up on my NOOSCAR screed with a sentiment that I can only second, with all my heart and soul.

Ditto for the NFL. Both organizations, flush with TV money, don’t seem to give a rat’s ass about their actual audience.

Naturally, this whole thing is irrelevant to me, as I don’t follow either sport (being of the Europhile heritage, prefer the actual football, and Formula 1). So I can look at the situation dispassionately and with quiet amusement, treating the doings of both as a marketing exercise.

Not that football and Formula 1 are paragons of righteousness, of course; I expect them both to succumb to the blowjobs demanded of them by the various foul organizations such as BLM, feminism and Pantifa and their loathsome offshoots.

The nice thing about supporting a sport, however, is that participation is purely voluntary and money not spent on an NFL Redzone subscription can just be spent on ammunition or a new gun — which will really piss off all the Commies.

And the only way for US to be happy is for THEM to be profoundly unhappy.

Yes, yes, I say!

To our new national anthem. But not the one they think.

In an increasingly anti-racist era when problematic iconography — ranging from Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben to even the Dukes of Hazzard General Lee car and country band Lady Antebellum’s name — is being reassessed, revised or retired, America’s national anthem, “The Star-Spangled Banner,” seems to be striking a wrong note.

Last week, protesters in San Francisco toppled a statue of the song’s composer, Francis Scott Key, a known slaveholder who once said that African Americans were “a distinct and inferior race of people, which all experience proves to be the greatest evil that afflicts a community.” This week, Liana Morales, an Afro-Latinx student at New York’s Urban Assembly School for the Performing Arts, refused to sing “The Star-Spangled Banner” at her virtual graduation ceremony, explaining to the Wall Street Journal, “With everything that’s happening, if I stand there and sing it, I’m being complicit to a system that has oppressed people of color.” Instead, Morales performed “Lift Every Voice and Sing,” a hymn widely considered to be the “Black national anthem.”

So, if “The Star-Spangled Banner” goes the way of the Confederate flag and Gone With the Wind, what should America’s new national anthem be? Whatever it is, Walker says there should be a formal “vetting process” to make sure the next anthem doesn’t have a terrible past; Powell, for his part, suggests John Lennon’s “Imagine,” which he says is “the most beautiful, unifying, all-people, all-backgrounds-together kind of song you could have.”

But what about “Lift Every Voice and Sing”? That song, written as a poem by James Weldon Johnson in 1900, set to music by his brother J. Rosamond Johnson in 1905, and first publicly performed as part of a celebration of Abraham Lincoln’s birthday by Johnson’s brother John, was dubbed “the Negro national hymn” by the NAACP in 1919. In more recent years, it has been referenced in Maya Angelou’s 1969 autobiography I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and Spike Lee’s 1989 film Do the Right Thing; it was also performed in 1972 by Kim Weston as the opening number for the Wattstax festival and by Beyoncé during her celebrated 2018 Coachella set.

Okay, so the Star Spangled Banner, clearly, is out, just another victim of the Left’s ongoing campaign to destroy every last bit of American history, culture, and tradition on the altar of political correctness. And clearly, we will be required to instate something Nee-grow approved in its place. So I have a few suggestions.

WARNING: the videos embedded below the fold are EXTREMELY NSFW. In fact, if rough language and overt sexual suggestiveness and perversion are problematic for you, you’ll probably want to forego clicking the “More” link entirely. Continue reading “Yes, yes, I say!”

TRAGEDY!

What little is left of my heart is not quite breaking for them.

With Statues Gone, Pigeons Forced To Poop On Rioters
U.S.—With more and more statues across the country being pulled down, pigeons are being forced to redirect their payloads to different targets.

As soon as statues are pulled down, the pigeons turn toward the nearest available target: angry rioters.

“Yes! Down with racism–AHHHHH!!!!” screamed one rioter just after pulling down a statue of Christopher Columbus. The pigeons immediately turned on him, with a squadron of the birds divebombing him to unload hundreds of pounds worth of excrement. “Run!!!”

Rioters frantically tried to put the statues back up as they were attacked by the feral flocks. “Put Christopher back! Quick!” cried one Antifa group as they were swarmed by a whole fleet of pigeon bombers. But try as they might, their weak liberal arms could not lift the statue and they were forced to flee the scene.

Those unintended consequences remain the bane of liberals everywhere.

The knee, the noose, and NASCAR

Am I the only one out there seeing it? Because it seems as if I am.

In all his years in auto racing, NASCAR driver Bubba Wallace said Tuesday night, he has never seen anything like what he described as a “straight-up noose” that was being used as a door pull in the garage he was assigned last week at Talladega Speedway in Alabama.

“I’ve been racing all of my life,” Wallace told CNN’s Don Lemon. “We’ve raced out of hundreds of garages that never had garage pulls like that. So people that want to call it a garage pull and put out all the videos and photos of knots being as their evidence, go ahead, but from the evidence that we have – and I have – it’s a straight-up noose.”

No reason it couldn’t be both, of course: a little in-joke arranged by crews working in one of the most hazardous of sports-entertainment endeavors. Gallows humor, shall we say. But when a hopelessly infantalized ethnic minority has had its already-too-sensitive prejudice-radar dialed up way past eleven—stuck there for decades by a political party intent on manipulating them for its own malignant purposes—any and every noose, any and everywhere, can be perceived as but one thing: a direct, personal threat.

Sorry, “Bubba,” but I’m afraid you just don’t really matter that much. To anybody.



But it’s my belief that there’s even less to all this than meets the eye, and it’s even more cheap, tawdry, and ho-hum than it already was. The giveaways are in bold:

He said he hadn’t seen the noose himself but had seen photos of it.

Prior to the FBI’s findings, fellow NASCAR drivers participated Monday in a show of support for Wallace, a 26-year-old native of Alabama who is the only African-American full-time driver on the NASCAR circuit.

Wallace told Lemon he found out about the noose’s presence in his garage Sunday, when NASCAR President Steve Phelps told him about it.

“The look that he had on his face alerted me in a way that I’ll never forget,” he said.

So here’s what nobody else seems to be getting: the whole thing—entire, end to end, lock stock and barrel, to emphatically include the less-than-stellar career of a decidedly mediocre competitor cleverly christened “Bubba Wallace,” is nothing more than a calculated PR stunt intended to glom some badly needed attention for a grossly mismanaged sports establishment that’s been circling the drain for years.

Think about it: the Wallace name has been legend in NASCAR circles for many years. And really, now: “Bubba”? Too cute by way more than half, particularly for a “black” guy who isn’t actually black at all but mulatto, with a white father and wife both. Makes me wonder what this “Bubba” person’s actual name might be, before he was remanufactured as some kind of savior for a declining business that’s been seeking to distance itself from its traditional base of support for quite a while now.

NOOSCAR has struggled badly in recent years; their attempt to shift stock-car racing’s focus northward to appeal to a new, more upscale demographic fell flat on its face, as did the lavishly-expensive but almost entirely ignored NASCAR museum in downtown Charlotte. Then this half-assed “controversy” crops up and suddenly all anybody can talk about is NASCAR, for days on end. It stinks as bad as the coronavirus shamdemic, and for all the same reasons. They’re both fake, and have both been used for ends that aren’t immediately obvious.

In the case of NOOSCAR-gate, coming right on the heels of nationwide angst over black this, black that, blackity-black-black-black, it’s hard to see how the timing could’ve been more perfect. Yeah, “Bubba”—a second- or third-rate driver whose career trajectory closely resembles that of another mouthy also-ran, Colin Kopperdink—might suffer some from the fallout of this embarrassing episode, sure. Certainly his name will forever be mud with true NASCAR diehards, assuming any are left after being given the back of the racing establishment’s hand for so long.

But so what? For the bigwigs at NOOSCAR, it’s extremely difficult to see a downside: they get to piously denounce all those icky, beer-swilling rednecks and their disgusting Rebel flags, suck up to their anticipated new audience of Nee-grows and the white SJWs who take a knee for them, and establish their PC bona-fides without breaking a real sweat. For that, they’ll gladly throw a nonentity like “Bubba” onto the pyre, strike a match, and send his ass floating off downriver.

Nice try and all, but it’s not going to work. And that serves ’em right, far as I’m concerned.

Misdirection update! There IS a fairly serious scandal here, right enough. As is nearly always the case, though, it ain’t the one TPTB wish to direct your attention towards.

Fifteen FBI special agents? The government sent fifteen people to investigate a rope “fashioned like a noose” in a garage. What were they all doing? I imagine it takes one guy to look at the rope and observe that it is attached to the door. Perhaps one other guy to go check the security tapes. What task are the other thirteen performing? Did they need a separate person to Google “what is a noose”? Did they have someone dusting for finger prints or taking DNA samples? I simply can’t imagine how fifteen federal agents managed to occupy themselves with a garage door for two days.

This would be almost funny if not for the fact that there is something else of a rather more pressing nature they could be doing. As we speak, violent insurrections are wreaking havoc across the country. Buildings are being burned, police are attacked, statues toppled, innocent bystanders assaulted, whole city blocks occupied. And behind this chaos lies well funded organizations like Antifa and Black Lives Matter. Could those fifteen agents not have been sent to investigate this coordinated attempt to undermine law and order? Apparently not. As it stands right now, not much is being done about this anarchy. The anarchists are largely being allowed to commit crimes, even federal crimes, and those backing and funding and encouraging them are permitted to continue in those efforts unmolested. Instead, our government is committing significant resources to fighting the scourge of racist garage doors.

As a nation, we have descended into full on parody. Things seem like they can’t possibly get any dumber or more outrageous. But then again, tomorrow is a new day.

That’s the REALLY scary part.

Pinch me, I must be dreaming

Okay, I did NOT see this one coming.

Rob Lowe Stuns Conan O’Brien By Revealing Friendship With Justice Clarence Thomas

*vigorously shakes head, rubs eyes, pours stiff drink, downs it in one*

“Wait, you know him?” a seemingly surprised O’Brien responded, as reported by Fox News.

According to Lowe, the two met when he was inducted into the Horatio Alger Society a few years ago, prompting their friendship.

“I do know him. I got inducted into the Horatio Alger Society a couple years ago. … It’s a very exclusive, very amazing society that provides scholarships for kids who come from terrible, terrible backgrounds,” Lowe said. “But they are the best and the brightest in their classes. And the people in it are pretty studly. He’s one of them. That’s how we met. They put the medal on me in the halls of the Supreme Court.”

“Wow. Okay,” O’Brien said.

Lowe described Thomas as a generous man who even provided some helpful career advice to his own son.

“The reason I bring it up is he’s one of those people who occupies such a perception in people’s minds and he’s like, ‘If you ever need anything, call my number. This is my cell phone,’” Lowe said. “And then my son Matthew was going to law school. So I had some ideas about clerking and things like that.”

“So I call this cell phone and he answers it. And you’re like, ‘Geeze. Shouldn’t there be, like, a vetting process?’ And 45 minutes he’s giving me advice on what my son should do vis-a-vis law school and clerking,” he continued.

Though his political stance is murky at best, Rob Lowe has never conformed to the Hollywood leftist dictates that seek to ostracize conservatives from all of public life by dismissing their ideas and leaders as subhumans unworthy of debate or quarter. The Hollowverse characterized him as a liberal-leaning man that respects conservative views. For instance, he previously said, “Liberal politics is built on empathy. I think conservative politics, from my opinion, is built on logic.”

A tolerant, rational Hollywood liberal is unexpected. That he forged a friendly relationship with Clarence Thomas is surprising. That he would unapologetically admit to the friendship in a broadcast interview is extraordinary. That this person would turn out to be Rob Lowe vaults it on up into the realm of actual slackjawed, bug-eyed shock. Kudos to the man. He provided me a rare opportunity to dust off an old post category of mine for the first time in I can’t even remember when.

A new low—even for them

Annnnd it’s official: we have now reached the absolute nadir of liberal/SJW absurd stupidity.

OAKLAND, Calif. (AP) — Oakland’s mayor said five ropes found hanging from trees in a city park are nooses and racially-charged symbols of terror but a resident said they are merely exercise equipment that he put up there months ago.

Mayor Libby Schaaf said Wedesday that a hate crime investigation was under way after a social media post identified a noose at the city’s popular Lake Merritt. Police said they searched the area on Tuesday and found five ropes attached to trees.

The Police Department provided five photographs of trees, some of which showed knotted ropes and one that appeared to have a piece of plastic pipe attached to a rope, hanging from tree limbs.

They have been removed by city officials.

“A piece of plastic pipe attached to a rope” will, of course, be entirely familiar to anyone who has ever spent a single moment inside a gym, who will immediately recognize that it bears NO FUCKING RESEMBLANCE WHATSOEVER to a noose of any sort. With this embarrassent, which will of course embarrass them not one whit, the SJW/Race-Warrior Left has beclowned itself so spectacularly as to have become the Evel Knievel of shark-jumping. Congrats on that sterling “achievement” there, guys. Ace gets jiggy with it:

nooses-NOT.jpg


Artist’s Depiction: White supremacists performing Alt-Right Exercises with TRX suspension nooses in a Boogaloo Brigade training facility

Ahh, but the guy who hung these “nooses” would just about have to be some kind of super-Nazi, Aryan Nation-type RAYCISS, wouldn’t you say?

Victor Sengbe, WHO IS BLACK, told KGO-TV that the ropes were part of a rigging that he and his friends used as part of a larger swing system. He also shared video of the swing in use.

“Out of the dozen and hundreds and thousands of people that walked by, no one has thought that it looked anywhere close to a noose. Folks have used it for exercise. It was really a fun addition to the park that we tried to create,” Sengbe said.

“It’s unfortunate that a genuine gesture of just wanting to have a good time got misinterpreted into something so heinous,” he told the station.

Ooooops. Emphasis mine, natch. But of course, even in the face of such a numbingly preposterous overreaction from Oakland Leftard city authority, AP can’t help but get in a little sermonizing regardless. It’s who they are, it’s what they do.

Nooses have been associated with the lynching of black people and used as symbols to taunt or terrorize African Americans.

Oh yesyesyes indubitably, in literally dozens of fake “hate-crime incidents” artifically contrived by mentally-disordered, attention-seeking Negroes all across the nation, none of which I will bother looking up links for because I no longer give a shit.

But then we come to the truly dangerous part. Emphasis, again, mine:

Schaaf said officials must “start with the assumption that these are hate crimes.” However, the mayor and Nicholas Williams, the city’s director of parks recreation, also said it didn’t matter whether the ropes were meant to send a racist message.

“Intentions don’t matter when it comes to terrorizing the public,” Schaaf said. “It is incumbent on all of us to know the actual history of racial violence, of terrorism, that a noose represents and that we as a city must remove these terrorizing symbols from the public view.”

“The symbolism of the rope hanging in the tree is malicious regardless of intent. It’s evil, and it symbolizes hatred,” Williams said.

Even when, as in this case, it actually doesn’t.

That we even have officially-designated and defined “hate crimes” in the first place is a crime, as un-American a notion as I can think of. That we have “people” in positions of authority who think like the excrescence Schaaf is downright terrifying. That we continue to meekly tolerate humbug as patently offensive and degrading as this—and take the panty-soaking hysterics who pimp it against all rationality, decency, and common sense seriously—is a national disgrace.

ZOMGRUFKM update! A lot of it going around these days.

Gov. Cuomo Rips ‘Evil Icon Of Our Nation’s Racist Past’ When ‘Noose’ Found In Harlem Park. Then The Truth Comes Out.


Time to ban rope entirely, I suppose. Sounds ridiculous, I know—right up until you recall how ban-happy shitlibs are anyway, just as a matter of reflex. IF EVEN ONE LIFE IS SAVED…!!!

CF asks the tough questions!

Lots of outrage out there over the “exposure” of this supposed “scam.”

An alleged nonprofit aimed at providing financial aid to looters and rioters who were arrested in the Minneapolis riots is facing widespread criticism after revealing that it has spent only a fraction of its donations and pocketed the rest, as reported by Fox News.

The group is called the Minnesota Freedom Fund, and although it has received approximately $35 million in donations, has only spent about $200,000 on actual bail for incarcerated suspects. That amounts to only 0.57 percent of its earnings actually being spent on what the group said they would spend it on.

Not that I’m saying it ISN’T a scam, mind; for all I know it is. But my question, which I have yet to see mentioned anywhere else, is this: given the near-unanimous support for the rioters from Democrat-Socialist governors and mayors, as well as the usual “space to destroy” stand-down orders, exactly how many rioters have the cops actually been allowed to arrest? 30? 40? 50?

Any at all?

Seems to me that might matter just a wee bit when totting it all up, no?

Moreover: how high was the bail, on average? On what specific charges? How many offenders had no bail set at all, to be released on their own recognizance?

Maybe we all ought to be worrying less about the possible fleecing of some deserving suckers, and more about the privileged treatment of violent hard-Left shocktroops by a corrupt system wholly complicit in their revolutionary terrorism.

The Daily Donnybrook

Welcome to Ye Olde Colde Furye Blogge’s shiny new open-comments thread, where y’all can have at it as you wish, on any topic you like. Do note that the official CF comments policy remains in effect here, as enumerated in the left sidebar. All new posts will appear below this one. There will be blood…

The Daily Donnybrook

Welcome to Ye Olde Colde Furye Blogge’s shiny new open-comments thread, where y’all can have at it as you wish, on any topic you like. Do note that the official CF comments policy remains in effect here, as enumerated in the left sidebar. All new posts will appear below this one. There will be blood…

Accept no substitutes!

Please, please, please, PLEAAAASE make this happen.

PLEASE.

Amid the protests taking place in the wake of George Floyd’s death while in police custody, some long-standing statues are not fairing very well. Now, a new petition calls for a statue of Confederate General Robert E. Lee in Richmond, Virginia, to be replaced with one of late GWAR leader Oderus Urungus.

As Metal Injection reports, onetime GWAR dancer / backup vocalist Slymenstra Hymen (aka Danielle Stampe) posted a Photoshopped image of Oderus in place of Robert E. Lee’s statue in Richmond. Shortly thereafter, a GWAR “scumdog” started a petition on Change.org calling for a statue of Oderus to be erected in place of the one of General Lee.

Oderus Urungus, real name Dave Brockie, was one of Richmond’s favorite sons, having started GWAR in the mid ’80s, and fronted the intergalactic metal barbarians until his death in 2014. The petition’s description argues for the statue swap as follows:

“Robert E. Lee is a failed war general that supported a racist cause. For too long, the city of Richmond has been displaying statues of him and other loser civil war veterans.

We the scumdogs of the universe call on the city of Richmond to erect a statue of great local leader Oderus Urungus in its place. While Oderus comes from the planet Scumdogia, he called Richmond his home, working with the local art community and employing local artists and ladies of the night.”

Why yes, as it happens I DO have an up-close-and-personal-encounter story featuring Miss Hymen, who as it turns out is actually a very cool and likeable person. But I’ll save that one for another day, and direct you instead to the place where you can sign the petition endorsing this most worthy of causes.

Oh, and is there a picture? You just bet there is.

Oderus-statue-sm.jpg

If the sainted General Lee really must go, then the citizens of my nation’s Capitol should be proud indeed to host such a noble work of statuary art in his stead, I believe.

The Daily Donnybrook

Welcome to Ye Olde Colde Furye Blogge’s shiny new open-comments thread, where y’all can have at it as you wish, on any topic you like. Do note that the official CF comments policy remains in effect here, as enumerated in the left sidebar. All new posts will appear below this one. There will be blood…

The Daily Donnybrook

Welcome to the Friday installment of Ye Olde Colde Furye Blogge’s shiny new open-comments thread, where y’all can have at it as you wish, on any topic you like. Do note that the official CF comments policy remains in effect here, as enumerated in the left sidebar. All new posts will appear below this one. There will be blood…

Update! Also upped the number of Recent Comments in the left sidebar, a la kennycan’s excellent suggestion.

Publick notice

Light posting will likely continue through the rest of the week, due to the onset of one damned thing after another that seems to constitute life at Totleigh Towers. Which is too bad, really, because at the moment I have about thirty open tabs in the Brave browser, just sitting there waiting for me to unleash my wrathful attention on ’em. This sudden tsunami of truly historical events of late threatens to drown Ye Olde Blogghoste in neglected blog-fodder here, I admit.

After a couple of days to mull it over, I’m thinking the best way to handle our new Daily Donnybrook open thread is to refresh it a couple times a week—putting up a new one, say, every Tuesday and Friday or Saturday. I’m definitely grateful to the folks who recommended doing it, if only for the sudden influx of BBQ recipes and the like in the comments; from that, it’s easy to envision this thing turning into something very damned useful indeed around this place.

Anyways, back when I can, as I can, folks. Oh, and here’s a neat little bit of arcana about that London Calling album cover some of y’all might not have heard about before:

It all began on the 20th September 1979. On that day, in Palladium club in New York took place the concert of a British rock group, The Clash. During the concert, the upset bassist wrecked his guitar on the scene, and the moment was captured on photography by Pennie Smith. Thanks to this photo, one of the most famous album covers in the history of rock came to existence.

The final version of the cover was designed by Ray Lowry. Pennie Smith at first didn’t want to allow the use of her photo, arguing that it’s blurry. Lowry convinced her that the lack of focus was in this case a good thing, as it made it more authentic and spontaneous.

London Calling cover quickly became famous all over the world. It was a pastiche, meaning a conscious reference to another piece. Lowry used composition and lettering similar to Elvis Presley’s earlier (RCA debut) album. It was a bit provocative, as Elvis was acclaimed back then as the king of rock and the less famous band The Clash was only about to begin another revolution in rock music, but in a way more hardcore version.

There’s a pic of the Simenon P-bass aftermath, too. It wound up in about the condition you’d expect, alas.

The Daily Donnybrook

Welcome to the first installment of Ye Olde Colde Furye Blogge’s shiny new open-comments thread, where y’all can have at it as you wish, on any topic you like. Do note that the official CF comments policy remains in effect here, as enumerated in the left sidebar. All new posts will appear below this one. There will be blood…

Life: unsafe at any speed

A risk-averse society is a dying society.

We have a meme up at PragerU: “‘Until it’s safe’ means ‘never.'”

The pursuit of “safe” over virtually all other considerations is life-suppressing. This is true for your own individual life, and it is true for the life of a society.

I always give the following example: I have been taking visitors to Israel for decades, and for all those decades, people have called my radio show to say, “Dennis, I would so love to visit Israel, but I’m just going to wait until it’s safe.” And I’ve always told these people, “Then you’ll never go.” And sure enough, I’ve gone there over 20 times, and they never went.

I have never led my life on the basis of “until it’s safe.” I do not take ridiculous risks. I wear a seatbelt whenever I’m in a car because the chances are overwhelming that in a bad accident, a seatbelt can save my life. But I get into the car, which is not 100% safe.

You are not on earth to be safe. You are on earth to lead a full life. I don’t want my epitaph to be, “He led a safe life.” It’s like another epitaph I don’t want: “He experienced as little pain as possible.”

All of life confronts you with this question: Are you going to take risks or play it safe? If you play it safe, you don’t get married. If you play it safe, you don’t have kids. There are real risks in getting married; there are real risks in having children.

If you want to lead a good and full life, you cannot keep asking, “Is it safe?” Those at college promoting “safe spaces” are afraid of life, and they want to make you afraid of life.

We’re going crazy on the safe issue. It is making police states. That’s my worry: In the name of safety, many Americans are dropping all other considerations.

They’ve been meticulously trained to, over many decades, with the making of a police state foremost in the minds of the Planners.

Status quo ante

The more things change, the more they etc.

U.S.—Americans in some states are finally starting to feel normal again, now that stay-at-home orders are being lifted. Children are at the park again, adults are back at the bar, and the elderly continue to play bingo at 4 p.m. sharp on a daily basis.  

But there’s one thing that has everybody feeling at a near-peak level of normal: conservatives are going to work while liberals stay at home and do nothing—just like always.

“We can now say with undeniable certainty that these are normal times,” explained social psychologist Ben O’Reilly as he handed a hippie a twenty-dollar bill. “Conservatives are once again doing all the hard work to keep the economy afloat, while liberals sit at home, pretend to be sick with the Coronavirus, and collect government paychecks. Congratulations America, you are back to normal!”

While some conservatives are upset that liberals get to stay home and mooch off of them, most say they don’t even care anymore.

“I just want to get back to work,” said Jared Renfro, an electrician from Wisconsin. “If liberals don’t want to work, hey, more power to them. I don’t mind paying their bills.” Renfro then polished his “Trump 2020” bumper sticker and hopped in his truck.   

Well, it’s not as if all those gender-studies grads, government employees, and liberal-dweeb college professors were doing anything particularly useful anyway.

Update! IF EVEN ONE LIFE IS SAV…uhhh, wait a sec here.

LANSING, MI- Governor Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan took her already excessive restrictions in her state in the fight against Covid-19 a step further this morning when she announced that any violations of the executive order may authorize the use of lethal force by law enforcement.

The Michigan Governor stated, “If you think you can just go out and buy a bag of charcoal, think again. Going out for unnecessary purchases and risking the spread of Covid-19 would be no different than going out and shooting a gun at random people. It’s time we accept the reality of the situation and treat such instances accordingly.”

Michigan has already been essentially under house arrest with a risk of jail or a $1,000 fine for residents who simply leave their homes. Entire sections of areas in Michigan grocery stores of items deemed “non-essential” have been roped off to satisfy Gretchen Whitmer’s brand of compassionate authoritarianism. Items like bug spray and outdoor supplies among many other goods are now forbidden to be purchased by Michigan residents.

Gov. Whitmer’s authorization of lethal force for violation of the order has completed the task of making her power and reach absolute, as no resident of Michigan is now safe from the prospect of being publicly executed by their Governor.

Although the measure admittedly may never be fully implemented, the Governor has described it as a necessary symbolic gesture to show how far she is willing to go to protect her loyal subjects.

The profoundly Kafka-esque nature of our current national absurdity has made distinguishing between satire and reality so tough that Reuters is barely even trying anymore.

Social media users are circulating an article with a headline that reads, “Whitmer authorizes lethal force to maintain state lockdown” ( here ). It refers to Michigan’s Governor Gretchen Whitmer (D).

The claim comes amid a series of demonstrations against coronavirus-related lockdowns across key electoral battleground states like Michigan ( here ).

The article has been flagged multiple times as part of Facebook’s efforts to curb misinformation related to the new coronavirus.

The claim is false. It stems from a satirical article on the website The People’s Cube. The article lists the author as “Chedoh, Kommissar of Viral Infections, Hero of Change, Prophet of the Future Truth”. Despite these red flags, some social media users believe the story is authentic, making comments like “You need to vote her out!” and “The Power all Democrats want”.

On March 24, Whitmer passed an executive order suspending non-essential activities across the state ( here ). On April 13, Whitmer issued another executive order to extend the lockdown measures until April 30 ( here ). Neither of the orders specified enforcement conditions aside from mentioning that, “Consistent with MCL 10.33 and MCL 30.405(3), a willful violation of this order is a misdemeanor”. Michigan is one of 42 states where governors have ordered residents to remain indoors except for necessary outings like grocery shopping or doctor’s visits, while closing schools, universities and non-essential businesses.

VERDICT
False: Michigan Governor Whitmer has not authorized “lethal force” to maintain lockdown measures meant to prevent the spread of the new coronavirus. This claim comes from a satirical article.

This article was produced by the Reuters Fact Check team. Read more about our fact checking work here .

Oh, I believe I’ve read just about all I need to about your “work” at this point, guys.

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