OOF!

I have little to no use for polls, as you folks surely know by now. They’re easily rigged to support whatever agenda the pollster wishes to pimp; they’re commonly monkeywrenched by participants who have the same contempt for them I do and respond in prankster-ish fashion; they’re mainly used not to provide honest, reliable snapshots of the public’s general mood, but as tools to leverage political clout and influence. Basically, polls are bunk, and ought to be taken with a bucket of salt, if not ignored entirely.

But I gotta admit, I just love this one.

Wyoming Congresswoman Liz Cheney is the most unpopular Republican in the country among GOP voters, according to a new poll out this month reported by Axios.

While Donald Trump Jr. and Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis led in a survey of prominent Republicans, with a 55 and 54 percent net approval rating respectively, Cheney’s ratings tanked at negative 43 percent.

Um. Well. Okay, then.

Perhaps even better, the accompanying chart shows Senate GOPe “leader” Yertle McTurtle wheezing in at an embarrassing +2. Which makes me think that this is almost certainly the most accurate poll ever taken.

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Oldie but goodie

Aesop reruns an old post of his from 2018, a remembrance of the first moon landing on its anniversary, and it’s an inspiring read.

Fifty-two years ago today, and just a few hours from now, is the exact anniversary of when 50,000 steely-eyed missile men, crew-cutted geeks with pocket protectors, test pilots, fighter pilots, and hundreds of metric tons of raw testosterone kicked the rest of the world’s ass right to the bottom of the heap, going back to the dawn of time, from the moment that Eagle landed, to when this guy’s foot stepped off the LEM ladder.

Neil Armstrong, ace X-15 test pilot, and mission commander of Apollo XI, became the first man from earth to ever set foot on the Moon, and if and until we ever get people to Mars, he put every explorer in history, and even every guy to follow, below him on what Tom Wolfe correctly called “the top of the pyramid.”

He was there because he and his sidekick, lunar module pilot, and outside-the-box revolutionary thinker Buzz Aldrin had managed to land the lunar module manually, off course, and with mere seconds remaining for landing before a crash-tastrophe, because you don’t fly 250,000 miles to puss out at the last 12 seconds, just for such piddling concerns as running out of fuel.

As I said, a fine read, well worth a look in. But the real reason I brought it up was so I could rerun something my own self, something near and dear to my coal-black heart: the absolutely immortal vid of eternal badass Aldrin poking one of those stupid-ass moon-landing deniers right in the snoot.



Heh. Fatass gets all up in the grill of a bona fide American hero and defames him as “a coward and a liar,” Fatass gets what he has coming to him without further ado. It’s beautiful, that’s what.

I mean, the nerve of that honking, sebacious tub of goo. If Aldrin had shot the bastard down and left him for dead on the sidewalk, I’da stood up and cheered till my throat was sore. As it is, that footage ain’t NEVER getting old as far as I’m concerned, not if I live to be a hunnert and fitty. What’s captured therein is, basically, everything that’s wrong with America today juxtaposed with everything that was once right about it. They just don’t make ’em like Buzz Aldrin anymore, folks, which is precisely why we are where we now are.

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Fly the friendly freaky skies

Al in all, it’s just another brick in the wall.


The story:

The “Woke” and Transgender movements are helping to destroy the country and it just might help to damage Jet Blue.

The airline now allegedly allows male flight attendants to dress up as women.

Jet Blue Airlines, which did announce that they were going to reinvent what it’s like to fly ‘coach,’  appears to have caved to suspected pressure that presumed gay or transgender men have asked to dress like female flight attendants.

Ironically, one of their slogans is ‘Inspiring Humanity.’

What the hell, why the fuck not. Although I do have to wonder if, given the guy in the pic’s overall lumberjack-ish appearance, he really is a mentally-derailed Gender Negotiable type intent on inflicting his degeneracy on Jet Blue and all who sail in her, or instead just some poor male model desperate enough for work to hire himself out to JB and publicly beclown himself in such spectacular fashion.

I have a good friend who used to hang around the H-D shop a lot back in the Aulden Thymes, fella we all used to call Franky Load In The Pants for reasons I shan’t specify right now (trust me, it’s hilarious), who flies 7-7-7’s for Jet Blue nowadays. I’ll have to inquire next time I see him what his thoughts are on this. I can readily imagine, knowing him as I do, but seeing him express himself on this issue is bound to be a real scream.

Then again, maybe I should just leave well enough alone. Frankie has always been known as quite the practical joker, see. He once got suspended when he was flying twin-turboprop puddlejumpers for USAir some years back, for strategically placing several of those plastic fast-food packs of Texas Pete under a toilet seat in the Ladies’ of the USAir office, arranging them in such a way that they’d burst and squirt all over the victim’s legs when sat upon…or so he thought. To Frank’s horror, a burly bull-dagger av-mech went in to take a whiz (standing up, I’m sure) whilst he was standing in the office jawboning with a few fellow USAir employees, all of them just loitering around waiting to see what would end up happening.

What ended up happening: Miz Muscledyke plopped her big, granite-muscled ass heavily down and immediately got herself an agonizing Texas Pete snootch-bath. She was extremely irate about this, because good lord who wouldn’t be. Having one’s delicate naughty parts unexpectedly doused with fire-liquid would sorely tax anybody’s sense of humor, a trait with which angry flatrockers aren’t noted for being overmuch blessed in the first place.

Frank later said the second he heard said man-hater’s throaty, enraged bellows offering perfectly credible vows of swift and deadly vengeance, he ran out the door and away as if he had a no-shit T- Rex on his heels, which in a sense he damned sure did. The offended ladyman knew quite well who was responsible for the painful hot-sauce douche; all the evidence anybody who knew him would ever have needed to identify the culprit was the presence nearby of Frank and a crew of several others standing around, smirking and sniggering each time some poor dame walked even somewhat close to the little goils’ room.

The victim reported Frank’s ass to Higher with a quickness, and said ass very nearly got canned over it. Instead, the airline let him off with a month at leisure sans pay and a black mark on his Permanent Record, to the surprise of one and all. Not long after the Texas Pete incident—plus an unfortunately timed followup episode involving a belly cargo-door that Frank neglected to properly secure, which resulted in a barrage of suitcases and loose freight all over the end of the runway and neighboring warehouse roofs once the aircraft was wheels-up and climbing to cruise altitude—it was up, up, and away to Jet Blue for Pranky Franky, where near as I can determine he seems to have refrained from further actionable mischief. So far.

So yeah, as a preventive measure to assist him in staying out of trouble with his current employers and colleagues, I believe I’ll just keep my trap shut about this revoltin’ development. If Frankie Load has any opinions on it, he can share them with me on his own hook, without any prompting from me. I’m no troublemaker, nosirree.

Update! I should probably point out, in Frank’s defense, that he is actually a very talented and conscientious pilot, having been in the cockpit of one type of aircraft or another ever since he was but a young chap. Frank’s dad was a pilot also, and started teaching his son early on. Frank himself owns a Cessna 172 and has for years, spending a tremendous amount of time slipping the surly bonds both professionally and recreationally. I’ve never flown with him myself, but Goose has and says he’s a very skilled pilot, against all the expectations one might reasonably form from the above tale. My brother, a licensed, multiengine and IFR-rated flight instructor and a natural talent himself, also commends Frank as being one of those people who has that natural gift for it that distinguishes the true pilot from the run-of-the-mill hackabouts who will most likely end up dead someday because they ran out of gas. Frank’s just a goof, that’s all.

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Build a better mousetrap, and the world will be…ejected from your porch

I want one.

U.S.—An American manufacturer has been overwhelmed with preorders for its brand new “ejection porch,” which is specially designed to detect when Biden’s vaccine evangelists are at your door so it can launch them into the stratosphere.

“Excuse me, sir, do you have a few minutes to talk about our lord and savior Dr. Fau– AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” said one door-to-door vaccine auditor after the advanced technology in the porch detected his whiny and annoying government vaccine-evangelist voice and launched him into the sky, above the clouds, and out of sight.

For anyone who can’t afford an advanced and costly porch upgrade, the company is selling handy signs to hang on your porch to tell them to get lost.

In a first for the Babylon Bee, that last line appears NOT to be satire:

NOT SATIRE: Keep Biden’s minions away from your house with this Vaccine Door Sign. Get your actual, very real, not satirical, Vaccine Door Sign. There is limited stock, click here to get yours now!

Here’s the sign:

i want one of those too. Although probably I’ll just make my own and print it at home. IMHO, some MUCH stronger wording is called for here.

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USS Batshit grounded on the shoals of reality

I have no words.

Biological Male “Mother” Attempts To Breastfeed Newborn Birthed By His Biological Female “Boyfriend”
“The baby has been able to latch, but I have not been able to produce any milk…”

Thanks captain obvious! Who knew that a biological male couldn’t produce breastmilk?

Determined to shove their depravity down the throat of their newborn, both literally and figuratively, the mentally ill new parents express dismay at not being able to breastfeed their baby naturally. In hindsight maybe “dad” should’ve kept his breasts when he decided to keep his uterus. Just a thought.

The new parents have refused to accept identification documents for their newborn baby because it would require the female who gave birth (wearing glasses) to be listed as the mother and not the male (black hair, pretending to breastfeed) who did not give birth.

Tearful but with a stiff upper lip, the new parent confidently exclaims, “we’re gonna supplement the feeding with formula so that my baby is still getting the nutrients that they need”. 

Perhaps daddy-mama is confused by the word supplement, which Merriam-Webster dictionary defines as ‘something that completes or makes an addition.’ Cant supplement something if you’ve nothing, to begin with. The baby won’t be supplemented by formula, it will be sustained solely by it!

Astonishingly enough, this appears NOT to be a Babylon Bee article, nor is it from the venerable, universally-revered Weekly World News. Which I think is a goddamned shame, for several reasons.

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1

Spade=spade

Ted Cruz, bless his heart, pours it straight up. No ice, no chaser, no water back.

Texas GOP Sen. Ted Cruz called Joe Biden a “crazy, lunatic leftist” and said the Democrats have become the party of “criminals, murderers, rapists, and child molesters.

“Well, I will say it’s been dramatic just how quickly Joe Biden and Kamala Harris lurched to the left. I mean, almost from the opening day of the administration,” Cruz told Fox News host Jesse Watters.

“They made the decision to hand control of the Democratic Party over to the radical extreme and so the policy agenda is being driven by Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren and AOC and we are seeing an absolute disaster on every front,” he added.

“You went through and crying. When the radicals who advocate abolishing the police become two of the senior officials in the Biden department of justice, that shows they’ve given into the crazy left on the border. When you hand control of border control policy over to the radicals who want open borders and don’t want the laws in force, you create a border crisis that puts us on a path to have over 2 million people cross illegally,” he added.

Cruz then really tore into Biden and the Democrats radical policies.

And he did that thing, too. He damned sure did. Read it all; it’s a real hoot, I promise you.

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The greatest meme of all time!

Ye Olde Intrepide Reporter has it.

TeaBagDotGov.jpg

Kinda says it all, don’t it?

Oh, and speaking of Expat, he just got canned from his job, so could probably do with a little help. The generosity of you CF Lifers has always humbled and amazed me, so if any of you rapscallions can send a shekel or two his way I’m sure it would be hugely appreciated.

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Meme-O-Rama

Lots of sidesplitting responses to Crazy Joe Nukem’s ill-advised threat available for perusal at Alex Jones’s joint, my personal fave of which might be this one:


Or perhaps this one:


This one makes the point pretty bluntly:


Aww, to heck with it; just go check out the whole collection.

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Yeah, thanks, no

Yes, it’s racist, and it’s discriminatory. But hey, I’m perfectly fine with it.

Clueless in Seattle: Human Rights Group OKs Charging White People ‘Reparation Fee’ to Attend Pride Events
The Seattle Human Rights Commission is not only cool regarding a “pride” event that will charge those evil white people a “reparations fee” to enter, they also suggest those who complained should “educate” themselves on the harm they might cause by attending.

I’ll be sure to keep that in mind, thanks. Meanwhile, here’s another Left Coast loonie bin that needn’t lose any sleep worrying about my baggy white ass attending any events thereabouts. Like, y’know, ever.

Tourism bosses in Portland have taken out a full-page advert in the New York Times admitting the riot-hit city has an ‘edge’ – but urging visitors to come anyway.

Travel Portland – a nonprofit which oversees the Oregon city’s tourism marketing – referenced reports of far-left violence in the city in the ad.

It admits that much of what has been said about Portland – whose 50-strong riot squad resigned last week – was true, and that the city, which endures nightly riots, has an ‘edge.’

‘You’ve heard a lot about us lately,’ the NYT ad begins. ‘It’s been a while since you’ve heard from us.’

‘Some of what you’ve heard about Portland is true. Some is not. What’s most important is that we’re true to ourselves.’

The advert goes on to highlight Portland’s problems – and implies that locals don’t mind the out-of-control behavior that has made much of the city’s downtown area a no-go zone after dark.

It says: ‘We’re a place of dualities that are never polarities. Two sides of the same coin that keeps landing right on its edge. Anything can happen. We like it this way.’

Glad to hear it.

‘This is the kind of place where new ideas are welcome – whether they’re creative, cutting-edge or curious at first glance. You can speak up here. You could be yourself here.’

I can “be myself” right where I’m at, too, with little to no risk of being attacked and/or murdered in one of your world-renowned riots included in the package. Actually, I’ve never had the least problem “being myself” in any of the numerous places I’ve traveled over the years. To the undisguised chagrin of the locals now and then, sure, but I went right on being myself anyway. They got over it, or so I assume.

‘We have some of the loudest voices on the West Coast. And yes, passion pushes the volume all the way up. We’ve always been like this. We wouldn’t have it any other way.’

Have a ball, y’all. Fret not, somebody will be along to put out all the fires eventually. Possibly.

‘We have faith in the future. We’re building it every day the only way we know how, by being Portland. Come see for yourself.’

Been there, saw it, no need to see it again. And that was years ago, before it became the violent, anarcho-tyrannical dumpster fire (literally) it is today. So yeah, hard pass. HARD.

We went broke doing WHAT again, now?!?

Yet another of my not-quite-famous “shocking, yet unsurprising both at once” moments.

There are many great movies on the drug trade, but my personal favorite is Blow. The film stars Johnny Depp as George Jung (aka Boston George), a real-life drug smuggler who was sentenced to 70 years in prison in 1994.

Like most drug movies, Blow depicts the highs of the drug trade—parties, mansions, and rooms full of cash—as well as the lows: addiction, paranoia, and a loss of control. One thing that made Blow so good is it showed the incredible demand for drugs.

Whether they are dealing pot or cocaine, George and his partners can’t keep up with the huge demand no matter how much supply they get.

I bring up Blow in light of news that California’s legislature approved a $100-million plan to boost California’s struggling legal marijuana industry.

As the Los Angeles Times reports, the industry is in serious trouble. The growth of licensed cannabis shops has been dismal and far below state projections. Just 1,086 retail and delivery firms have been permitted to date—about 82 percent lower than the 6,000 cannabis shops the government anticipated.

How is this possible?

Three guesses. First two don’t etc. You guys know the drill.

Well, shortly after California legalized pot in 2016, lawmakers began burdening the industry with so many regulations—particularly myriad compliance orders associated with the California Environmental Quality Act (CEQA)—that businesses are drowning under paperwork, fees, and delays.

“Many cannabis growers, retailers and manufacturers have struggled to make the transition from a provisional, temporary license to a permanent one renewed on an annual basis — a process that requires a costly, complicated and time-consuming review of the negative environmental effects involved in a business and a plan for reducing those harms,” the Times reports.

So let’s review then, shall we? Government at every level is so fucking inept, so fucking incompetent, and so fucking hopelessly retarded that it can find a way to lose its collective ass…even in the fucking drug-slinger game.

Feel free to take a minute or two to let all that soak in, people.

This, mind, while enjoying the otherwise-unavailable benefit of being able to make its own rules and regulations for how said drug-slinging must be conducted. The deck is decidedly stacked in government’s favor, but the flailing lackwits STILL can’t make a go of it. Oh, and lest anybody think this is merely a California thang? Don’t. Just…don’t.

The Ontario government lost $42M selling cannabis in the last year

And there you have it.

To recap once more, so as to drive the point on home: the goddamned goobermint, at all levels, can’t keep from losing scads upon scads of money in a business so effortlessly lucrative that…well, as Chris Rock says in Bring The Pain:

The drug dealers don’t really sell drugs. The drug dealers…OFFER drugs! I’m thirty years old, ain’t nobody ever sold me drugs. Nobody has ever sold nobody in this room some drugs! You ever in your life not thinking about getting high and somebody sold you some fucking drugs? Hell, no! The drug dealers offer: “Hey man, you want some smoke, you want some smoke?” You say “No”, that’s it! Now, the Jehovah’s Witnesses, on the other hand…Shit!

No, man, drug dealers don’t sell drugs. Drugs sell themselves. Crack is not an encyclopedia, not a fucking vacuum cleaner! You know, you don’t really gotta try to sell crack, OK? I never heard a crack dealer go, “Man, how am I gonna get rid of all this crack? It’s just pilin’ up in my house!”

And some way, somehow, we see it’s just another damned thing government can’t get right.

(Via Ed Driscoll)

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There’s a new sherriff in town, and his name is…uhhh…ummm…uhhhh…..I forget

It was a masterful tour de force for “President” Grampy Gropey today in his much-anticipated face-off with soulless Russian murderer Vlad “The Impaler” Putin. Grampy certainly exceeded all expectations with a truly stellar performance; even white supremacist Trump cultists were forced to acknowledge that our Dear Leader—inarguably the greatest “President” since Jefferson, if not before—had Pooty-Poot in the palm of his hand from the word go. After mopping the floor with the overmatched Russian despot, Grampy summed up his smashing victory in a few well-considered words:

Well, I walked in, sat down, and simply told him in plain language how things were going to be from now on. He didn’t have a lot say to that, seemed a little resentful about having the law laid down to him that way. So right quick, before that asshole could jump salty with me, I whipped out the straight razor in my boot that I never leave home without and waved it in his face. Son of a bitch if old Cornpop didn’t back down right away! I don’t care if you people believe me or not, that really is the way it all went down.

Hey, has anybody seen my shoes? Where the hell are my shoes? Jill! JILLLLL!! I can’t find my shoes, and these people are starting to…OOOO! ALL THE PRETTY COLORS!!!

Easy there, Grampy; just ease on down there, bud. It’s gonna be allllll right.

In light of all this, Tonight’s Tune Damage selection ought to be obvious:



Another, by way of explaining where it was that Senile “President” Gropey actually believed himself to be during the farcical sit-down with Cornpo…uhh, Putin.



Everyone is helpful, everyone is kind. Plus, on Wednesdays we get fruit cups.

Update! Dan McLaughlin rips The Last True Conservative a new one.


Remind me: was Bill Kristol always this bugfuck-loony, or is this some kind of new low for the despicable shitheel? Not that anybody cares anymore what he might spew on any given day, nor should they. But, I mean, seriously: who on earth does the guy think he’s kidding with this droolcase bilge, anyway?

Updated update! Slick move, Gropey.

President Joe Biden said Wednesday he gave Russian President Vladimir Putin a list of places he considered critical infrastructure in the United States, warning Russians not to attack them.

“I gave them a list. If I’m not mistaken, I don’t have it in front of me, 16 specific entities,” Biden said. “Sixteen defined as critical infrastructure under U.S. policy from the energy sector to our water systems.”

So, a list of fat, juicy targets, then. Moron.

Biden spoke about his list for Putin during a press conference with reporters after his summit with the Russian president.

He warned Russia that the listed critical infrastructure in the United States was “off-limits” in future attacks.

“I talked about the proposition that certain critical infrastructures should be off-limits to attack. Period,” he said. “By cyber or any other means.”

Another problem I have with this is the tacit admission that attacks against everything NOT on the aforementioned list would be permissible. So in effect, what Gropey just did was present Putin with two quite useful things: a Take Down First list, and a No Harm, No Foul list.

I’ll say this much: the rest of the world has never before seen a statesman of this caliber. For which the rest of the world is mighty grateful, I’m sure. More:

Ever since Joe Biden was installed into the White House, I’ve waffled back and forth between believing his administration is made up of incompetent morons and thinking they’re actually pretty smart and engaging flawlessly in their efforts to destroy America. Their latest move may be the biggest headscratcher in the history of White House headscratchers, and that’s saying a lot following Obama, the Bushes, and Carter.

Another fine occasion to embrace the healing power of “and.” There’s no contradiction whatsoever here, after all. Consider: they’re inarguably doing a most capable, thorough job destroying what little was left of America That Was. But ATW was and still is the goose that lays the golden eggs for them; without the taxes Real Americans pay, without the wealth generated even yet by the battered remnants of semi-free-market capitalism, all their spendy schemes would die a-borning. So how smart could destroying all that really be?

It may be the ultimate display of weakness to tell one of our greatest adversaries that it’s okay to commit cybercrimes against the vast majority of America’s infrastructure, but we’re going to take it personally if they hit any of these 16. It’s like telling a bully not to hit you in the nose right before they beat the tar out of you.

Most in conservative media (including me) focused on his odd exchange with reporters after, but the content of the discussion he had with Putin ahead of time is the real story. I know in his own mind (or whoever is doing the thinking for him today) he thought he was being strong by threatening to retaliate harshly over certain pieces of infrastructure being hit, but a real leader would say any cyberattacks that harm Americans will be met with an asymmetric response. That’s how we used to do it in the old days and it worked.

Oh, the Biden/Left approach is working too, all too well. You just have to Get Woke to what the real goal is, and what it is not. Their definition of “work” is nothing like ours, that’s all.

Ladies and gentlemen, the “President” of the United States

I DID mention in that last post that Gropey is a buffoon, a fraud, a hack, and a complete and total moron, right? Because, y’know, he is.

Dementia Joe Biden is on his grand tour of Europe, so this edition of the wit ‘n’ wisdom of the 46th president will not be called Weekend at Biden’s.

Instead, it’s Joe Biden’s European Vacation.

When President Biden arrived in the United Kingdom, he spoke at a military base, which is one of his great pleasures. All dialogue guaranteed verbatim:

“There’s nothing that Jill and I and Joe enjoy more than spending time with our troops and their families wherever we go in the world.”

Last year he once introduced himself as Jill Biden. Now Biden apparently thinks of himself as two different people — “Joe and I.”

He saluted the British military, especially the “R.F.A.” He reiterated that America wants to avoid “confrict” with Russia. (At least this time he didn’t call the Russian president “Clutin.”)

Of course Biden saluted his hosts: “I’d like to point out that the greet from the British government has been exemplary.”

Since his mental decline, he has always been clueless with numbers — this week he bragged about providing a “half a billion” free vaccines, then cut the number to “half a million,” before finally reverting back to the original “half billion doses that we’ll be sending around the world to be produced in the United States.”

Sleepy Joe exhorted Americans to get their shots at the assorted “vaxin’ sites,” including your local “Y.M.C.” He changed the name of the disease yet again. What he sometimes calls “COVID 9” this week became “Globid COVID 19.”

In Britain, he introduced a titan of Big Pharma:

“Now I’d like to turn it over to my friend, the CEO and chairman of Pfizer, Avril Al Albert Bourla,” more commonly known as simply Albert Bourla.

The man is a real wizard with figures, no doubt about it.

“The first 14 months, first time first time in 14 months we saw the largest decline in the number of long-term unemployed more in more than a decade in the last 10 years.”

By the way, Biden said he was quoting government statistics.

“This report is based on a weekly uh uh in a week in early May that’s how we they determine the uh the job growth or loss we have growth.”

As time goes on, Biden is more and more flummoxed by the letter “L.” Again this week he referred to the “American Rescue Pan.” Now, though, in addition to dropping “L,” he randomly adds the letter to words. He called for more so-called investments in climate change “to prevent the worst implacts” of climate change.

As anyone at all familiar with this blibbering nitwit would expect, there’s more. Lots, lots, lots, LOTS more.

Do we miss Trump yet?

Let me count the ways.

House Democrats get targeted in surveillance operation made legal through laws they voted for

I love this story already.

Democrat House Intelligence Committee members, Rep. Eric Swalwell and Rep. Adam Schiff confirmed that Trump’s DOJ secretly monitored them by obtaining their personal data from Apple, between 2017 and 2018 when the committee was investigating whether Russia helped Trump win the 2016 presidential election.

As reported by the New York Times, as part of a leak investigation in the early days of Trump’s era, it emerged that the DOJ subpoenaed Apple and got the metadata (not actual content) of several members of the House Intelligence Committee, as well as their aides and family members.

Schiff and Swalwell appeared on CNN to discuss the issue, which Schiff, who is currently the chairman of the committee, described as “a body blow to our democracy” and a “fishing expedition.” They were both notified of the privacy violation last month.

Yeah, fuck you suppurating pustules. In the liver, with a rusty railroad spike, until both of you excrescences are dead, dead, DEAD. Slowly, so as to maximize your suffering for every Real American to enjoy.

Speaking to CNN’s Don Lemon, Swalwell said that they and their family members “were targeted punitively — not for any reason in law, but because Donald Trump identified Chairman Schiff and members of the committee as an enemy.”

He added that the subpoenas served to Apple went with gag orders, and “were renewed a number of times, and, thankfully, it looks like [the Biden administration] did not renew it.”

Swalwell continued to say: “The matter’s closed. And of course it’s closed, because we did nothing but our jobs, and we followed the rules we were supposed to follow in our investigation that showed that Donald Trump and his team sought to have assistance from Russia.”

Your precious little “investigation” showed nothing of the sort, you despicable liar. And you damned well know it, because there was no “there” there. So why don’t you just shut your fat yap and ooze on back into the sack with your Chinese Mata Hari, you goddamned treasonous cur.

Equity!

“President” Biden finally achieves it, for all of us.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a televised address this week, President Biden voiced support for the LGBTQ community and promised to honor them with a commitment to not only sniff women’s hair, but also men’s hair.

“Look– I’ve been sniffing the hair of women and girls for many decades,” said Biden. “It’s time for me to recognize the accomplishments of the LGBT folks. I’m maybe gonna get in trouble for this, but if you’re a man, I just may sniff your hair. That’s because I’m not homophobic. I ain’t afraid to sniff a dude! Come on, man!”

Biden was then quickly led off the podium by his wife before he could say any more.

“Every gender! I’ll sniff ’em all!” Biden yelled, protesting as he was dragged out of sight of the crowd.

According to sources, no gay men have taken up Biden on his offer to sniff their hair. However, hundreds of straight male journalists have lined up outside the White House clapping and cheering, hoping for their chance to be sniffed by the President. 

Well, they’ll have to pull their heads out of Bai-Den’s asscrack first.

Truth hurts

Some questions are better left unasked.

The Turkish DNA Project, an online endeavor to track Turkish genetics, is enraged at the popular genealogy site Ancestry.com and has called for it to be boycotted for stating an inconvenient truth: many, and possibly most, modern Turks are the descendants of the Greeks who once formed the overwhelming majority of the population of the land that is now Turkey. In this as in so many other instances, the truth hurts, but that doesn’t make it any less the truth.

Greek City Times reported that the Turkish DNA Project tweeted: “AncestryDNA prioritizes to demonize the Turkish people and delegitimaze [sic] their presence in Turkey rather than giving information about the genetic structure of the relevant population.” The Turkish DNA Project called upon “all Turks to boycott this company: Ancestry.”

After Greek City Times called attention to the tweet, the Turkish DNA Project took it down, but it still has up a retweet calling for a boycott of Ancestry.com, as well as a tweet fulminating with incandescent rage against Greek City Times’ Athens Bureau chief Paul Antopoulos, whom it calls a “white supremacist.” Very original line of attack you got there, guys.

Greek City Times explained that the Turkish group was enraged “because Ancestry.com correctly highlighted that many Turkish citizens are indeed mostly unrelated to Turkic peoples from Central Asia and are rather native Anatolian people that have been Turkified….Ancestry.com highlighted that after the Ottoman conquest of Pontos in today’s Turkey’s southeastern Black Sea coast, the “Pontian Greeks adopted Turkish language and culture, and many converted to Islam in order to have greater opportunities in Turkish society. Ancestry.com also highlighted that another round of Turkification of Pontian Greeks occurred after the second Russo-Turkish War (1828-29).”

This is not at all surprising, and nowhere even close to a false claim. Throughout history, when Muslims have conquered an area, they relegate the non-Muslims to second-class status, denying them numerous rights and mandating that they pay a tax, the jizya, for the privilege of practicing their religions without being killed. There is one easy way for the subjugated dhimmis to escape this state of humiliation and degradation: they can convert to Islam.

(Turkish journalist Uzay) Bulut observed: “Why are Turkish nationalists so terrified of the truth? Because if they face it, the lies they’ve come up with will be shattered to the ground. Through these lies, hatred has grown which made them commit so many crimes against Greeks, Armenians, Assyrians, Jews and others. Then they will realize that by destroying those peoples, they’ve actually destroyed their own ancestors and cultural heritage. The truth will set us all free and bring much needed peace to the region.”

We can only hope.

I couldn’t begin to guess why, but I just can’t stop laughing at this story.

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Too-fine a line

MAAA! The Bee is making it almost impossible to tell whether it’s satire or just straight-up news again!!

People Who Ruined World’s Economies Gather To Discuss How To Fix World’s Economies
CORNWALL—According to sources, the people who ruined the world’s economies by promoting lockdowns, economic shutdowns, and printing cash have gathered in the United Kingdom this week to discuss how to fix the world’s economies.

The very people who implemented anti-science policies that simultaneously did nothing to stop COVID and ruined millions of livelihoods gathered to enjoy their triumph over the virus and talk about how to fix everything.

“We assure you — we will have a great plan to fix everything!” said the people whose plans ruined everything. “Trust us — when have we ever been wrong about anything?”

From Boris Johnson and Joe Biden to Justin Trudeau and that weird French guy, members of the summit had pushed harmful economic policies rather than just letting the people reach herd immunity and go on with their lives. But they’re now claiming they are the people you need to listen to for reopening the very economies that they destroyed.

At publishing time, the entire world was praying for a giant tidal wave to hit the beach where the attendees were gathered.

Prayers: answered. Problem: solved. World: saved.

World’s Economy Saved As Giant Crack In Earth Swallows Up All G7 Conference Attendees
CORNWALL—A time of peace and prosperity has broken out across the earth after a sudden earthquake opened up a crack in the earth’s crust and swallowed up all G7 world leaders in mere seconds. 

Witnesses reported feeling a low rumble beneath their feet as Joe Biden, Justin Trudeau, Angela Merkel, and others gathered on the green grass for a photo op. The rumble grew to a roar as the ground below them opened up and dragged every G7 leader into the depths of the earth. The ground then closed up over them and they were never heard from again.

“Hey guys, please remember to use my preferred pronouns,” Trudeau had begun to say. “We need to be sensitive to– AAAHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Experts are unsure who will be taking over the important work of running the planet, issuing random lockdown orders, and fighting climate change in the absence of such brilliant and courageous leaders.

“This is such a disaster. What will we ever do without them?” said 1 or 2 people around the world.

World governments have assured their citizens they will continue the important work of building back better for everyone. American citizens will be mourning the terrible loss this weekend with backyard barbecues.

After the celebration, what we should be doing is taking concrete steps to prevent any Ruling Class as reprehensible, incompetent, and arrogant as this one from reconstituting itself and rising to power ever, ever again.

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1

International laughingstock

Pretty vacant.

G7 Is More A G6.5 With The Cognitively Challenged Biden In Attendance
The Group of Seven Summit begins Friday with the leaders of the U.S., Japan, Germany, the United Kingdom, France, Italy and Canada meeting in Great Britain through Sunday. One of those leaders, however, is not like the others. Which puts America at a disadvantage.

If readers think we’re saying that President Joe Biden is not all there, then we plead guilty. Clearly he’s not. His flubs, stumbles (both verbal and physical), empty gaze, the where-am-I pauses when he speaks in public (even with the aid of a teleprompter he has trouble following), the mangling of sentences, and his inability to recall the names the Declaration of Independence and Defense Department are signs of a man deeply in decline. He shouldn’t be allowed to run a sidewalk hot dog cart on Pennsylvania Avenue, much less be the primary occupant of that street’s most famous and important building.

Yet there he is, in Cornwall, ostensibly representing and aggressively promoting America. (Of course even in his best days of yesteryear, expecting Biden to do what’s right for his country was expecting too much.)

To be honest about it, though, even in his long-since-past “best days of yesteryear” Senile Uncle Gropey was never blessed with a surplus of either intelligence or integrity. He’s never been anything but a stupid, venal, corrupt scoundrel, a pluperfect exemplar of everything wrong with American politics. That We The People would ever allow such a disgraceful oxygen thief to bootjack his way into the White House rather than having him shot on sight should the sleazy blaggard dare to approach to within fifty yards of its outer perimeter says more about us than it does about him, really—none of it complimentary. Follows, a sampling of what the Cousins are saying about the senescent old fraud.

An unnamed conservative Brexiteer said “America should remember who their allies are,” then added that, “unfortunately” Biden is “so senile that he probably won’t remember what we tell him anyway. Unless an aide is listening I’m not sure he’s going to remember for very long.”

“This is elder abuse; the man should go. But what is just as bad is all we get from a new Biden administration, brainwashed by the left; they can trot out anything to him and he will say what he likes. It is just woke nonsense.

“We can’t be serious that this is the leader of the Western world.”

Fret not, bub; he isn’t, rest assured. If there’s one thing we should have all learned from the humiliating insult to the intelligence of the American serf class that is the “Biden administration” it’s that the FUSA is actually run by shadowy malefactors who will never come up for a vote, whose names their hapless subjects will never know, who are interested not in our confidence, our consent, or our approval, only our compliance. It’s a lead-pipe cinch that this didn’t begin in 2020, either.

Biden does whatever his behind-the-scenes handlers tell him to do, signs whatever they tell him to sign, and says whatever they tell him to say; it doesn’t matter in the least whether he actually understands what he’s doing at any given moment or not. He’s a mere figurehead, a bumbling, fumbletongued actor grotesquely miscast in a role much too big for his paltry abilities. He has no more influence on what FedralGovCo does than you, I, or any random housefly buzzing around the WH lawn does. He’ll never be allowed anywhere near the actual levers of power.

All of America’s original core principles: government of, by, and for the people; the right of the people to have a say in how they are governed via free and fair elections; elected officials as “public servants” working in close conformity with the will of their constituents, and answerable to them should they prove to be deficient in integrity, trustworthiness, or fidelity to their sworn duty; a duly-limited, well-run government operating in strict accordance with the US Constitution, a living affirmation of the Founders’ vision that all Americans can be pride of—all these noble ideals have been twisted, degraded, and abused by swine like Biden so that the government entire is now nothing more than third-rate theater, a dumbshow only a true rube would ever be taken in by.

This is the man America elected to act on the country’s behalf in international affairs. To stand up to thug nations, to nurture relationships with allies, to be the custodian of the economic interests of the U.S. Yet what the public gets is a tweeted photo of the unelected Jill Biden “prepping for the G7.”

“Elected”? Exactly how sure are you about that? How sure can any of us be? Not that it matters now; he’s what they gave us, he’s what we’re stuck with. For now, at any rate. The shape this shambolic buffoon is in, it’s anybody’s guess how much longer that might last.

Joe Biden appeared to get lost at the G7 summit on Friday.

Biden wandered off and looked lost.

“How are your meetings going in Cornwall, Mr. President?” a bystander asked.

A confused Biden turned around and said, “I beg your pardon?”

“How are your meetings going in Cornwall?” the bystander asked a second time.

“Very well,” Biden said as nurse Jill came to the rescue.

“Come on!” Jill Biden said to Joe while grabbing his hand and leading him away like a lost child.

Onlookers busted out in laughter.

Another day, another humiliation for Gropey. No sympathy from me; he’s earned every last morsel of it, and plenty more besides. Eat it, Joe.

Flinging some back at ’em

The Bee jumps salty with the shitlib propagandists at the scurrilous NYT.

Re: Demand for Retraction of New York Times Article by Mike Isaac

Dear Ms. Brayton: We represent the Babylon Bee in this matter and write on its behalf. Please direct any related correspondence to the undersigned.

As you should be aware, Mike Isaac, a reporter at the New York Times, authored a defamatory article in which he stated:

Facebook often dealt with far-right misinformation sites that used “satire” claims to protect their presence on the platform, Mr. Brooking said. For example, The Babylon Bee, a rightleaning site, sometimes trafficked in misinformation under the guise of satire.

This article was published by the New York Times. After its publication, the Babylon Bee, in an effort to protect its business, character and reputation against such defamatory attack, made an online post describing Mr. Isaac’s false and defamatory assertions made in his article. Though this same article was “updated” by Mr. Isaac thereafter, the update remains defamatory because it nevertheless maintains that the Babylon Bee is a “far-right misinformation site[] that use[s] ‘satire’ claims to protect their presence on the [Facebook] platform.”

Both versions of this article constitute defamation by libel, libel per se, and the tortious interference with business and contractual relations. As to the original version of your article, to ostensibly support its casted aspersions, it ironically links to another New York Times article from October 11, 2020 which is essentially a profile piece about the Babylon Bee being a legitimate satire website, and it contains no mention of “misinformation” whatsoever.

The “updated” version is no better because it names only the Babylon Bee as a purported far-right misinformation site in its discussion about sites which label themselves as satirical. Further, it insinuates that the Babylon Bee “has feuded with Facebook and the fact-checking site Snopes over whether site published misinformation or satire.” Yet, and as you should know, the Babylon Bee at that time was not feuding with Snopes as to whether it publishes satire or misinformation. To the contrary, at the time of your “update”, Snopes had already retracted any such insinuations with an editor’s note saying it was never their intent to call into question the Babylon Bee’s motives or legitimacy. In other words, Snopes denies that it ever intended to ascribe any such motives to the Babylon Bee, and therefore it is entirely misleading and malicious for you to characterize Snopes’ retraction as constituting a “feud”, for Snopes never stood by, nor does it stand by now, the claim that the Babylon Bee is a misinformation website as opposed to a satirical one. Further, as to Facebook, Facebook has actually issued a written apology to the Babylon Bee for mistakenly characterizing its content as “false news” instead of satire, and thus there is no “feud” with Facebook either.

Therefore, the Babylon Bee demands that the New York Times immediately publish a full and complete retraction of all versions of the above described article. Failure to do so will result in further damages to the Babylon Bee, which hereby reserves all of its rights to bring a lawsuit in this matter.

Govern yourselves accordingly.

Regards,
NASON, YEAGER, GERSON, HARRIS & FUMERO, P.A.

And if this doesn’t work, the boys at the Bee can always just shoot the sorry bastards. Sooner or later it’s gonna come down to that anyway.

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"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." – Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution

"There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters." — Daniel Webster

“The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it’s profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theater.” – Frank Zappa

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