Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

Fat-Ass Government: “I know what you weighed last summer!”


Weekly Standard:

States receiving federal grants provided for in the bill would be required to annually track the Body Mass Index of all children ages 2 through 18. The grant-receiving states would be required to mandate that all health care providers in the state determine the Body Mass Index of all their patients in the 2-to-18 age bracket and then report that information to the state government. The state government, in turn, would be required to report the information to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services for analysis. …

Section 101 of the bill amends the Public Health Services Act by stating that health care providers must record the Body Mass Index of all children ages 2 through 18. “The provision relates to all children in states that accept grants under the bill,” a spokesperson for Rep. Kind told “However, it is important to note that no one is forced to come in for a doctor’s visit to get their BMI tested. BMI will be taken at times when the child makes an otherwise scheduled doctor’s visit.”

That’s odd; when HealthControl passed, we were told the government wouldn’t dream of coming between patients and their doctors, or telling doctors how to practice medicine. But under this new law, if Little Bobby has lawful contact with a HealthEnforcement Agent, he must show his Weight Papers. Please.

As Michelle noted,

The government still can’t track foreign visa holders nearly 9 years after 9/11, but now the feds want to track every child’s Body Mass Index. Priorities.

In other words, we can’t be bothered to keep track of Faisal Shazad and his Propane Tanks of Death…unless he uses them to grill some bacon cheeseburgers!

I think this Body Mass Index law is a great idea–as long as we also keep track of the “Booty Marx Index”.

That’s the scientific measurement of all the commie schemes dreamed up by thick-headed, Fat-Ass Government politicians to stick their noses into the private lives of citizens “for their own good”.

Say–did you file a 1099 with that celery stick?


Democrats: Stealing Toys From Children for 50 Years! Message: ‘We care more about your children than you do, schlub!’


“There is no threat. The Communists are not about to take over our McDonald hamburger stands. [Laughter.]…”–John Kerry, lying testifying before Congress, April 22, 1971

“It takes a village to raise a child. The village is Washington. You are the child. There, I’ve spared you from reading the worst book to come out of the Clinton administration since- let’s be fair-the last one. Nearly everything about It Takes a Village is objectionable, from the title to the acknowledgments page, where Mrs Clinton fails to acknowledge that some poor journalism professor named Barbara Feinman did a lot of the work. Mrs Clinton thereby unwisely violates the first rule of literary collaboration: blame the co-author. And let us avert our eyes from the Kim Il-Sung-type dust jacket photograph showing Mrs Clinton surrounded by joyous-youth-of-many-nations.”–P.J. O’Rourke

Remember when Mom said “Eat your vegetables, Susie–there are children in China who are training to be Vegetable Police in the Goulash Gulags even as we speak!”?

Cassy Fiano:

It was such a simpler time twenty years ago. A better time, really.

Today’s nanny-state bureaucrats would happily rob kids of these kind of fond memories. A California county has now banned toys from any meal that they have deemed to be unhealthy.

I’m not even going to get into issues of diet or health; whatever the merits, this is none of the government’s damn business and they have no authority to act like anal-retentive Über-Parents.

These liberal busybodies want to break the link between toys and rich foods. Maybe that’s why they keep trying to diminish Christmas.

I say keep going, liberals; I want every child in America to say “Daddy, why did Democrats kill Santa and outlaw Christmas?” “Because they hate love you, Timmy.”

The Democrat Party: “Where it’s Always Winter, but Never Christmas.”

That won’t be sufficient, however. Next will be Halloween. Then Easter. Valentine’s Day. And finally, the elusive Dream of Socialists for the last hundred years: a Federal Ban on Birthday Parties!

Mayor McCheese has gotten too big for his buns. Happy Meal Government won’t enforce immigration laws, but they want to make a felony out of “Hamburgling in the Third Degree”.

Too many Super-size fries will make kids fat. But Super-size government takes away their birthright to be autonomous citizens in a Free State.

“Freedom with that?”


City of Lites


Denis Boyles, who knows France, says Sarkozy is sucking up to Obama because there’s trouble at home:

Despite the hopes of the voters who swept him into office on the promise of reform and fiscal sobriety, he produced no serious proposal to roll back even a few months of the 50 years of Socialist lunacy that has brought France to an economic stand-still. Instead, he made a “carbon tax” the centerpiece of his administration’s proposed initiatives. It was despised, ridiculed, and finally abandoned.

Le Grand Suck-Up? Maybe so:

(AP) France is standing with the administration United States in condemning Israeli settlement activity in east Jerusalem.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy says his own commitment to Israel’s security is well known but adds that the settlement activity in an area claimed by the Palestinians “contributes nothing.”

France has already given the Palestinians several neighborhoods in their capital city of Paris.

Perhaps they could give them yet another one, and let Israel keep the neighborhoods in its capital city of Jerusalem.


Poupon President


He don’t cut the mustard and he won’t cut the budget–except for defense.


In the summer of 1997, as he was finishing his first term in the Illinois State Senate, Barack Obama and a young legislative aide made an exploratory tour of downstate districts. When they stopped at a T.G.I. Friday’s, Obama ordered a cheeseburger, and when the waitress brought his food, he asked for Dijon mustard to go with it. “He doesn’t want Dijon,” the aide insisted, waving the waitress away, and shoving a bottle of French’s Obama’s way. The waitress was confused: “We got Dijon if you want it,” she said.

Dijon was “too French”, you see, so his aide tries to give him…”French’s”?


Two regular guys out for a guy kind of meal. A script written in the White House and read by MSNBC.

But MSNBC edited out the audio when Obama ordered his Hell Burger just at the moment when Obama asked for Dijon mustard.

Now I have nothing against Dijon mustard, but the image didn’t fit with the image being spun by the White House and MSNBC. Dijon mustard on a Hell Burger had a very John Kerry-ish quality about it.

“…and don’t come out until the cabana is clean!”

What’s funny is that ten years ago, his staff tried to protect him. Today, the Burger-Flipper Press does the job for free.

Fries with that fearless Truth to Power?


You’ll eat it and you’ll LIKE it!

Or so my dear ol’ mum always used to say, back before I yakked it back up and all over her best pair of shoes one day.

She never tried to serve me split pea soup again, thank the dear Lord.

Unlike a never-to-be-sufficiently damned Democrat, Mom could learn from experience.

But cheese?  Now that’s a whole different kettle of pan-fried fish, my friends, yes it is indeed.  I can eat cheese for breakfast (turkey ham, swiss cheese and mushroom omelette with fresh ground black pepper folded American style spankyouveddahmuch) lunch (grilled cheese sammich on the side of chicken noodle soup, homemade or otherwise) and dinner (insert your favorite here, I have too many to list).

I currently have six different types of cheese in my icebox, and not one of them has “Kraft” anywhere on the packaging.  I’d have more, but the power was out at Fortress Rager for five days last week, and I’m not done re-stocking yet.

That recently cleaned fridge sure is purty, though, I have to admit.

Tonight, the first night of my oh so very well deserved vacation, I tried Cahill’s Whiskey Cheese for the first time.  Have you ever purchased something, formed a notion of it’s nature, and then been suprised at how wrong you were?

And so it was.

I’m used to Irish Cheddars being a bit firmer, a tad sharper, and occasionally crunchy with calcium deposits, which is not the bad thing I’m sure it sounds to the novices among you.  Cahill’s is soft without being spreadable, mild without being forgettable, and smoother than a politician’s lie.

Not that you’d know that last to listen to the bumbling incompetents fielded by the drooling retards of the Left this year, I have to admit.  Talk about surprises.  I’m used to seeing Democrats that can at least blow sunshine up my ass effectively.

But I was discussing something far more important than the failed aspirations of yet another Chicago machine criminal.  I was discussing whether or not you should cover your hideous naked loins with some pyjammy bottoms, hop in your hoopty, and drive down to the supermarket to purchase a pound or so of Cahill’s.

That depends.

If your supermarket is closer in price to Costco, i.e., around $8-9 per pound, then the answer is yes.  That’s where I got and what I paid for mine, and I consider it money well spent.

But if your supermarket is charging nigh on $30 a pound, as CheeseSupply appears to be doing, then the answer is a resounding “NO”.  I’ve eaten a lot of cheese from a lot of places, and I’ve yet to come across any cheese worth $20 per pound, much less $30.

Those prices are for helmet wearing sippy cup using retards and Democrats.

But I repeat myself.


You know what’s fucked up?  This cheese review, that’s what.  I was thinking of Asiago Pressado when I wrote this thing.  Apply everything I said to that cheese instead.

Cahill’s Whiskey Cheese is anything but soft, mild, and smooth.  It’s firm, bold, and a tad bit crumbly.  It’s still damned good, as long as you’re not paying more than $10 a pound for it.  Would I buy it again?  Hell yes.  And so should you.

Goes great with boneless buffalo style chicken chunks, by the way.


We Now Return


No, I don’t mean this evening’s “Barack Onassis–Live at Caesar’s Palace!”-show. Or even Arianna’s love life.

No, I’m talking about ‘The Keith ‘n Chrissie Show’ on the Olbermann Channel, LOLNBC.

Keith and his sidekick, 300-lb. Samoan political commentator Chris Matthews are quickly descending into Hunter S. Thompson-land, an Altered Reality vacation destination fueled by yohimbe bark, Pabst Blue Ribbon and the remnants of Ed Muskie’s ibogaine stash. I think I just saw Keith licking a psychotropic toad coming out of commercial break.

Chris and Keith are the political equivalent of an O.J. low-speed Bronco chase. Their ‘Fear and Loathing in Denver’-act has become Must-See TV. But for those who care about Keith, one word–“intervention”.

By the way, when Marcus Obamis announces his plan for defeat in Iraq tonight at his Big, Fat, Greek Coronation, can we call the plan “Plato’s Retreat”?


Read a book!

Steven H. Graham, that inimitable whiner at Hog On Ice, has finally published the pinnacle of Western Literature.  This book deserves to be right up there with other required reading like triple Pulitzer Prize winner and Nobel Peace Prize nominee Jonah Goldberg’s Liberal Fascism.

I speak, of course, of Eat What You Want and Die Like a Man, a book that should under no circumstances be read by a liberal, as it might cause their wee little noggin to explode.

Get it here.

Be a total fool and pay upwards of $80.00 for the original version here.

Oddly enough, Gabby McGabberson remains silent on the subject.  Maybe Steve should send him a copy.

I started reading this book the other night and couldn’t put it down.  Thankfully I work closing shift, because I didn’t get to bed until 2AM.  Go ye forthe and do the same.


Maureen’s Derry Airs


Maureen Dowd…gets caught…filing a Derry, New Hampshire… dateline…while actually…in Israel.


“This is a complete invention, this controversy,” Times editorial page editor Andrew Rosenthal told The New York Observer…”

Oh–just like the KillerVet controversy. Okay then.

I wonder, though–if Ted Koppel filed a shipboard report from the International Dateline, would it read “Dateline: Dateline for Dateline”?


Ah, cheese.

I’m sure that some of you by now consider me a Cold Fury fount of all things, er, “contempt for commies”, and surely that is a significant portion of my writing, as it should be for any sane man. Communism in all forms, from it’s pre-Marx and Engels days in the Fertile Crescent (and we can see how that turned out) to the modern day Democrat Party, is absolutely contemptible, and reminders should be posted daily.

Yet there is more to life, a limit to even my considerable spleen, and so I direct your attention to this. G.K. Chesterton fans will be proud to see such a kindred spirit.  Those who, like me, are woefully deficient in matters of knowledge Chesterton will find themselves once again swearing vows of addition to their reading lists, and all shall be edified to think for a few moments on that most sacred of subjects.

To add to your most excellent meditations, and to benefit the world body of cheese knowledge, I will also point out that if you’re ever in Claremore, Oklahoma, the Claremore Dairy makes the world’s best hickory smoked white cheddar, a traditional white cheddar quite worth your time even if you prefer it unsmoked, as I occasionally do. They’ve also a nice pepper cheese suitable for practically anything except those pesky relatives that can’t stand the heat, bless their pointy little heads.

Howard Tayler, author of the insanely well done and ever growing in popularity Schlock Mercenary, is the inventor of the Chupaqueso, also known as “The Hammer of the Arteries”, (check out the home page) and the man who first pointed me toward Meadow Creek Dairy. Meadow Creek will accept orders online and deliver their fantastical goodness to your home, provided you place your order between Monday and Wednesday, which I recommend you go and do first thing Monday morning when you arise. Surely you will do nothing of greater import all day, unless you’re in the business of killing fanatical Muslim terrorists, in which case it is perhaps us who should be buying you cheese.

To our great misfortune, we have no “Cheese” category, so I’ve placed this post in the closest category I could find.

Update! We’ve got a “Cheese!” category now, by the Gods, and so we may count ourselves among the civilized.




"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." – Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution

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