So, to recap, then: we all were forced to endure the latest Scandal of the Century of the Week, this time involving a lecherous Gay Rethugnican Pedophile Preying On The Helpless Innocent Children™.

Give the libtards points for originality on this one. I guess.

Yes, as you all are no doubt sick of hearing about by now, a gay Republican Congressman was nabbed in a criminal sex scandal involving children associated with the Congressional page program. Much hypocritical, self-righteous-blowhard indignation from the Left ensued.

And not one word of it was true. Not. One. Word.

(Updates past the jump — ed)

Well, okay, I take that back. Three words were true, as far as I can tell: “gay,” “Republican,” and “Congressman.” Every single last other one was a politically-motivated lie. There was no actual sex involved. The “children” were all of legal age. And at the time of the most well-known salacious IMs, the “child page” in question was neither a child nor a page. The bright side: the wonderfully naughty-sounding word “salacious” is back in vogue.

“Innocent?” My jaded old ass. You want to have your delicate sensibilities shockingly disturbed, you ought to try getting your hands on some of the IMs those pages were undoubtedly trading amongst themselves at the time; that’d be a real cherry-buster for some of these poor weak sisters (yes, I mean the men too) who are currently in such high and pristine dudgeon. Think back to when you were a sixteen-to-eighteen year old horndog, guys, and try to keep a straight face while telling me about what an angelic little naif you were. Then try to sell me a bridge in Brooklyn, whydon’tcha. Because if I’m ever stupid enough to buy into the idea of male (or female, for that matter) sexual “innocence” at the age these “victims” were, I’m stupid enough to buy anything. These days, at eighteen the girls will happily and frankly lecture you on just who is responsible for whose orgasms, and have already scored with half their female friends, much less boys. And the boys, to put it bluntly, will fuck mud. And most likely have.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Hell, even the libtards’ ultimate point — that the Republican leadership’s negligence put “children” in the page program in danger from a rapacious sexual predator — is arrant bullshit, seeing as how they themselves seem to have sat on the information for months before deigning to release it. Puzzlingly, they finally decided to spring into action to Save The Children (sob)!™ right before an election in which, despite all their arrogant bluster up until now, they’ll most likely lose big once again, and their tired old One World/nanny state/Blame America First/defeatist appeaser “ideas” be shown up once more as unpopular, fading relics of a bygone era.

Now let’s watch the fun as spluttering, angry liberal pols express their Outrage! over the “insult” of being asked to testify under oath about what they knew and when they knew it. They’ll be falling all over themselves trying to backpedal away from this one, you betcher, and I for one can’t wait to see who gets burned worst by the fire they themselves struck the match to light. If there was no other reason to refuse to even consider voting Democrat ever again, this one would probably suffice: these hapless clods can’t even run a decently effective smear campaign anymore. They’re just too gott-damned DUMB. And these are the folks who invented the Politics of Personal Destruction.

There was no other news of any import whatever last week.

You can’t blame ‘em for trying, I guess. But neither can you blame me for pointing and laughing when they do. Meantime, we all ought to be donning our slickers, hats, and hip-waders in anticipation of next week’s episode of As Liberal “Outrage” Churns, where the river of election-year BS runs high, wide, and deep.

Obligatory declaration of shock and horror: I am appalled that Foley was harassing young men half his age. You shouldn’t oughta do that; the guy is a plain and simple creep, end of story.

But what’s really got me wondering is this: what is UP with these politician types, anyway? Is the workplace the only place they can think of to find partners for their sordid little trysts? Can they only get laid in the office? Is there some compulsion latent in the political mindset that dictates that one simply must do one’s screwing around on the clock, or perhaps a chemical imbalance that renders their bulbous naughty parts null and void anywhere except in the vicinity of cheap desks and a water cooler? Are there no decent bars left in DC, no clubs, restaurants, or other social gathering places where one might troll around for a warm moist place to dip one’s wick? Don’t these dirtbags know that messing around with co-workers will get one fired if it’s discovered — and don’t they know that it always gets discovered?

It can scarcely come as a surprise, but the Dems aren’t the only DUMB bastards in town.

Update! Sheer genius.

Updated update! We are all gay Republican sexual predators now. Wonder how the hate-mongering oxygen thieves behind “the List” feel about their slimy, detestable little threat now that it seems to be fizzling on them. Sorry, you miserable worms; no “GOP civil war” for you. Such small, vicious losers you are, and will remain. And that sure knowledge must be even more painful for you than the crushing electoral defeats you keep right on deservedly suffering, again and again and again.

At least, I sure hope it is.

Update to the updated update! Did I say “crushing electoral defeats” in that last update? So sorry; that should’ve been “moral victories.” My apologies for any debilitating depression that my semantic lapse may have occasioned.

Now go ahead, get back to beating your breast, rending your garments, tearing your hair, and gnashing your teeth.