THE SHADOW GOVERNMENT KNOWS

Candidate Grant Bosse:

The Double-Zero are without a voice in Congress. Well, that’s unacceptable.

Today, I am announcing the start of my campaign for Congress in New Hampshire Double-Zero District!

The Double-Zero is a magical land. A mythical land. And place that only exists in the buggy databases of DC bureaucrats. In fact, just a few days after finding out that the Double-Zero had created all those stimulus jobs, the bureaucrats at Recovery.gov took them away.

Well, I’m outraged. If we can’t trust the job numbers from a website designed to make Congressional spending look good, what can we trust?

The Administration’s claims that the stimulus has created a million jobs are increasingly unbelievable. They had to admit that 60,000 jobs didn’t exist. The Washington Examiner has published an interactive map of 75,000 bogus stimulus jobs. And ABC News is reporting that 50,000 jobs are credited to projects that haven’t even spent any money yet.

And this morning, we reported exclusively at the Josiah Bartlett Center that New Hampshire has been over-estimating its job numbers by 2,000. Bud Fitch tells us that the state can’t claim to have created or saved any of the 2,000 teaching jobs included in his report to Washington.

These can’t be dismissed as typos or data entry errors. This is a deliberate effort to take credit for jobs that already existed, and would have continued to be funded even if the stimulus bill had never been written.

But don’t blame Bud Fitch. Federal guidelines required him to credit those jobs to the stimulus, even though the money simply replaced state adequacy grants to pay teachers who were already in the classroom.

When Congress passed the stimulus this spring, the President said it would keep unemployment below 8.5%. Today, we’re at 10.2% nationally, and rising. The stimulus is a colossal failure, and the bungling efforts of Recovery.gov to inflate its impact are a disgrace.

The good news is that we have a choice. Nationwide, Recovery.gov created 440 phantom Congressional Districts. That’s more than we actually have in Congress. If we fill those seats in every phantom district, we can take over Congress.

The new Phantom Congress will do things differently. We won’t have to be worried about bringing the bacon home to our Districts, because they don’t exist. We won’t be corrupted by special interests, because they are no voters to send direct mail, no TV stations to air campaign commercials, and no contributors demanding earmarks.

Yes, the Fightin’ Double-Zero can lead the way in the Phantom Congress. But I can’t do it alone. We need candidates across the nation to run in these newly discovered districts.

We need candidates just as fantastic and unbelievable as the job numbers we’ve been given. Jeb Bartlett from the West Wing. Jefferson Smith from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Chuck Norris.

We need hundreds of citizens from around the country to stand up and run on the Phantom Party Ticket. Because a make-believe Congress has to be better than the one we have now.

I think I’ll like this new Make-Believe Congress much better than the old Make-Believe Congress.

UPDATE: Surber:

The administration told West Virginians that they have a 54th congressional district where $1 million from this administration created three jobs. I can name the three people who were hired: Mr. Roarke, Tattoo and Julie.