FIRST, WE SUE ALL THE BUS MANUFACTURERS…

Atty. Greg Craig, Esq. was fired because his parents named him funny. What kind of name is “Esquire”, anyway?

Just kidding. He was fired as First Fixer because he couldn’t make the sky green and the grass blue in Obama’s world.

That is, he couldn’t make Democrats vote for something that 99% of their constituents find dangerous, stupid and unnecessary: closing Gitmo and bringing terrorists to America.

Even apolitical Americans sense somewhere in their gut that if we bring them here, Democrat judges will grant them the full rights of Americans and eventually set them free among us, the way the Founders intended. Free to live, laugh, love and practice .45 caliber psychiatry on us.

Osama couldn’t get those hundreds of terrorists into America–but Obama can. Especially if he can get Democrat congressmen to vote for his plan.

But they’ve seen the plan. And they’ve seen the polls. And they’d pretty much rather waterboard their own grandmothers than vote for it. Unemployment is fine for you, but they’ve got places to go and career suicide looks awful on the resume, anyway.

In other words, Craig was thrown under the bus because he couldn’t convince Congress to self-throw themselves beneath the vehicle, to secure Dear Leader’s glory. It’s sort of like political midget bowling, without that sport’s integrity.

He made a stupid, grandstanding campaign promise … and they need to keep it, even if it costs them their jobs! Don’t they understand they are but lowly insects, who must sacrifice themselves for the Wizard of Odd Promises?

There are less than 90 days left before Gitmo Shall Be Sealed by Decree of the Pharaoh. If Congress doesn’t act as ordered, there’s a chance that the plebes will start to question Pharaoh’s divinity.

And that’s why Craig was fired.

Don’t worry, though; he can always go back to being Fidel’s Number One Runaway Slave-Catcher. But first, a song from those frothy campaign days of yore, when the Kool-Aid was just a little sweeter and the bus tires were just a little softer (even though proper tire inflation was going to solve our energy needs):

“Another One Under the Bus”

(sung to the tune of Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust”)

Ayers rolls easily down the street
It was high time that he went
I tossed him from the winder
cuz’ he was startin’ to hinder
my quest for president

Are you ready
to defenestrate?
Are you clinging to the edge of your seat?
Cuz’ if someone makes a fuss
I’ll toss you from my bus
like a pancake flat in the street

(bump, bump, ba-bump) Another one under the bus
(bump, bump, ba-bump) Another one under the bus
And another one splats
And another one’s flat
Another one under the bus

Well I ain’t just hintin’
I tossed the Clintons
And I can toss you, too
My own Grandmomma,
Pentagon bombers,
anyone who makes me lose

Bernadine Dohrn, fallin’ nuts from ACORN,
as Raines & Johnson must
Any one who brings me down
hears the Greyhound sound
of me leavin’ them in the dust.

(bump, bump, ba-bump) Another one under the bus
(bump, bump, ba-bump) Another one under the bus
And another one splats
And another one’s flat
Another one under the bus

Driver drive faster
cuz’ I think I see my pastor
and he’s reachin’ for a microphone
Here comes Tony Rez
and he’s wearing a fez
and he thinks he owns half my home

You may be a mad bomber
but I’m Obamar
and I got to be Commander in Chief
Khalidi’s comin for dinner
but now I think he’s a sinner
so I better just order Chinese.

(bump, bump, ba-bump) Another one under the bus
(bump, bump, ba-bump) Another one under the bus
And another one splats
And another one’s flat
Another one under the bus