Manufactured News(tm) Network’s Friday Night News Dump
“MNN: It’s Not Propaganda When We Do It!”
British officials fear the chances for victory are slipping away in the race to achieve a climate treaty in Copenhagen.
Sensing an opportunity, however, Copenhagen’s chief competitor Skoal has offered to sponsor a race car in the Copenhagen Climate Change 2009 this December.
“I offered to gas up the old Skoal Bandit and smoke on over there, but they seemed kinda’ put off by the offer,” said Skoal spokesman “Pinch” Hamburger-Johnson, Jr.
“To tell ya’ the truth, I don’t really trust those old boys over there any farther than I can spit.”
The winner of the race will receive a Nobel Prize. As will the loser.
President Obama observed a moment of silence and ordered flags flown at half-mast today in sad remembrance of the recent horrible event–the Fall of Berlin Wall’s 20th anniversary.
Obama has refused to join the ceremonies in Germany, calling the removal of Erich Honecker an “illegal military coup”, and demanding that Chairman Honecker be restored to power even though he’s deceased.
“Being deceased never stopped Walter Mondale from being vice-president,” said Obama, “or stopped Chicago voters.”
For their service, Walter Mondale and deceased Chicago voters will receive the Nobel Prize.
The Obama administration has finally come to its senses and set aside Health Care to focus on the issue most troubling to the American people: massive unemployment.
“The new numbers are out and this cannot stand; the unemployment rate is approaching 100% …for Democrat gubernatorial candidates,” said Joe Biden. “We’ve got to do something to help these guys.” Biden proposed a second stimulus, with Jon Corzine and Creigh Deeds splitting $787 billion, of which Corzine would receive $786,999,999,863.
Deeds would receive the remaining $137 “because he’s a born loser,” said Biden, although Deeds won a Nobel Prize earlier this year.
From deepest, darkest equatorial Ecuador:
“Ecuador said it would abandon plans for drilling in Yasuni National Park, one of the few pristine regions of Amazon rainforest remaining, if it was paid half of the $7 billion that it expected to earn from tapping the oilfield.”
Police said Ecuador placed a call to the EU from an untraceable pay phone and demanded the payment in unmarked $20’s “or you’ll never see these trees again.” To prove their intentions, Ecuador mailed Germany a severed Elephant Ear-leaf, “to show we’re not foolin’ around.”
In related news, for only half of $700, I will abandon plans for drilling through the electrical wires when installing the new mirror. Okay, then–how bout half your sandwich?
C’mon–I’ll trade you my Nobel Prize…
- Entries
