CAESAR SALAD DAYS

or “Orange Julius Glad You Asked?”

Joseph Abrams:

Maybe President Obama will win the Nobel Prize for Literature, too, now that the chairman of the National Endowment for the Arts has declared that “Barack Obama is the most powerful writer since Julius Caesar. That has to be good for American artists…”

Barack Obama is the most powerful check-writer since Julius Caesar, anyway.

I guess that makes Bill Ayers the most powerful ghostwriter since Great Caesar’s Ghost.

“Julius Caesar is historically the last person in the world that American presidents would want to be compared to,” said historian Richard Brookhiser, who has written widely on the Founding Fathers. “He tried to subvert the republic — that’s why he was killed. …The Founders insulted each other by calling each other Caesar.”

And they called Little Jimmy Madison “Czar” for short–he was the Limited Government Czar. Founders can be so cruel.

That embrace of the president has pricked some ears, particularly after the NEA’s previous director of communications, Yosi Sergant, was forced to resign for promoting the president’s political agenda on a conference call with artists he hoped to prod into backing Obama’s domestic policies.

It’s “The Circle of Life-long Funding”:

Politicians pay artists to support policies like paying artists to support politicians who pay artists to support policies like paying artists who…

Instead of “National Endowment for the Arts”, let’s call it “National Art for the Endowment”. Or maybe the “Julius and Ethel Caesar Rosenburg Fund”. But only because “The Human Fund” was already taken. By Art Vandelay.

Lee Rosenbaum interviews “Landmines” Landesman:

While he may think he’s gotten a bad rap, Mr. Landesman has no problem with bestowing funds on good rap. Near the start of our conversation, I asked him what new initiatives he was considering.

“There are new forms of music …and the NEA should be there. We should be reflecting the reality in our world these days, whether it’s hip-hop, or whatever. There’s a lot going on that the NEA traditionally has no comprehension about.”

“Do you think that hip-hop would be an appropriate area for NEA to fund?” I inquired.

“Absolutely. And mural painting and graffiti are art. There are popular aspects of all the arts that I think shouldn’t be ignored. [...] I think there are probably some things where people will say, ‘Go ahead and do that, but not with my tax dollars.’”

No, there’s not. There is absolutely nothing that should not be funded by tax dollars.

I don’t want to hear another word about “The Great Recession” or “10% Fun-employment”. Obviously we’re filthy rich. We’ve got so much money, the government can pay kids to spray-paint graffiti on buildings–and then pay other kids to come scrub the graffiti off!

We’ll teach some kids how to and rhyme “‘ho” with “mo’” for cold, hard cash–and then we’ll pay schoolteachers to teach them proper English again!

Seriously; except for maybe nutty ideas like National Defense, can you name one area of life that is off-limits for government funding? They’ve already funded naked dance troupes with Stimulus money. [insert joke and dollar bill here.]

Hey–at least they’re finally supporting the troops!

I know the answer. And I’ll be happy to tell you.

As soon as my NEA Writer’s Grant gets here.