“YOU LOVE ME. YOU REALLY LOVE ME. YEAH–ME, TOO.”

Barky Obama has scored yet another Affirmative Action Award in career consisting of nothing else.

Nominations closed a mere ten days after Obama took office, or as generations hence will call it, “Ten Days That Shook the World–Especially David Brooks’ World!”.

Yes, it was in the golden glow of the first flush of those 240 magical inaugural hours–or is it ‘first blush’–I get confused. I’m going with ‘first flush’. Anyway, the thing is, that’s when we knew that there was something special, unique and clinically treatable about Our Leader.

That was when he signed The Lily Ledbetter law, a belated Christmas present to trial lawyers like himself, gutting the statute of limitations so lawyers could sue dead people without fear of them testifying. However, they will still be allowed to vote.

for Democrats.

His other first-week-and-a-half Nobel achievement was to force American taxpayers to build Planned Parenthood Camps all over the world, to stamp out the Vicious Baby Threat which Plagues Us All. If these Evil Infants aren’t stopped from slipping through the cracks, there’s no telling what could happen to future generations. Oh–wait; they are future generations. Whatever. The point is, our president is more extreme pro-abortion than Hillary Clinton, Eleanor Smeal and NARAL combined, and that’s a singular accomplishment.

And then there’s this from his Official Fan Club, Oslo Branch:

The vision of a world free from nuclear arms has powerfully stimulated disarmament and arms control negotiations.

The only thing he has powerfully stimulated is Chris Matthews’ leg and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s arms.

Thanks to Obama’s initiative, the USA is now playing a more constructive role in meeting the great climatic challenges the world is confronting. Democracy and human rights are to be strengthened.

In Iran? Where he sided with the Mullahs over the students? Or in Eastern Europe by submitting to Putin? Or in Saudi Arabia by bowing to the king? Or Honduras, by backing the Commie caudillo over their Court, Congress and Constitution?

Here’s the Super-Duper Secret Plan that secured this award for Obama:

Step 1.) Say pretty words about strengthening democracy and human rights.
Step 2.) ???
Step 3.) Strengthened!

Even Obama’s Mad Scheme To Control the Weather can only be imposed by short-circuiting democracies and the individual rights of humans. Trees, fish and dirt will be given rights, however. But only Leftists and liberals can hear what the the trees, fish and dirt are saying. Just like they’re the only ones who can read the Invisible Clauses in the Constitution.

Only very rarely has a person to the same extent as Obama captured the world’s attention and given its people hope for a better future. His diplomacy is founded in the concept that those who are to lead the world must do so on the basis of values and attitudes that are shared by the majority of the world’s population.

The world is one quarter Muslim, mostly favoring Sharia law. Billions live under one form of tyranny or another, including a billion under Chinese communism. They all largely agree on one thing, though: that the US Treasury should be looted.

Therefore, if Obama and Oslo think “those who are to lead the world” should follow those “values”, that could some day lead to a Big-Spending, Crypto-Muslim, Proto-Communist world dictator.

Oh. I see your point.

This Nobel Prize was awarded only because of the horrible Valentine, Chocolate and Flower Famine sweeping Europe.

And that famine has now spread to America, where TIME Magazine’s Mark Halperin is pumping the Academy’s voters for a “Best-Supporting Hose in a Well-Creased Pant-Leg”-award.

Halperin stars as “Jethro Bodine Clampett” in the new “Westchester Hillbillies” -remake. His signature line: “Have a heapin’ helperin’ of our hospitality, Bee-Rock! Say–your pal Al Gore says I gotta pay him a million dollars if’n I want to heat this here cee-ment pond!”

TIME and Halperin give Obama an “A-minus” for being “instantly comfortable and highly skilled at the hardest job in the world”–and also for his sultry Five O’Clock Shadow. Get a room, people; you’re scaring the horses.

By the way, Mark, “minus”=RACIST! Don’t ever send a report card like that home again. A “B plus” would have been better than an “A minus”. Except that would mean unemployment was 20% instead of just 10%. But that’s not important now. Obviously.

This reminds me of Creigh Deeds’ “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” (since removed, sadly), except for two things:

Obama’s Galaxy-Class deficits aren’t cheap. And Deeds at least did something. I guess.

But even though he “knows so much yet accomplishes so little”, shouldn’t we give Obama these laurels just for his speech-making alone?

“Don’t pay attention to those scary stories. As I have consistently said, let me be clear; we inherited this problem. As some have said.”

Congratulations to the winners. Wherever you are.

UPDATE: I hereby withdraw my congratulations to the winners. Because the real winners are the the world’s thugs, terrorists and dictators. This is just the Euro-Weenie Way of bribing Obama to surrender to them.

For a, you know, blogger, DrewM. nails it:

High school kids want to be popular. Nations want to be prosperous, secure and in America’s case, a force for good in the world. Those things don’t usually lead to popularity because it means making hard choices and doing the right but often un-popular thing….you know, like a grown up.

Obama is making America popular again by talking us down and saying in effect, “We are nothing special, just one of the gang. We’ve been bad before and I’m sorry. I won’t do anything you don’t like.”

That’s morally bankrupt and dangerous. But who cares? We can eat lunch with the cool kids again!

No wonder he won’t release his college transcripts; he’s still in “High School Musical”.

And he’s the Only Star.

UPDATE WITH CORRECTION: Ace says the Halperin “A-minus” piece comes from a “First 100 Days” article. And this will shock you–everybody else in the Lake Woebegone Administration was above average, too! They ALL got an “A” of one sort or another. Even Gomer Gibbs!

But the Nobel nominators didn’t even need 100 days–that came in the First Ten Days.