Your new car!
Everything old is new again. Everything.
It’s in the way you dress. The way you boogie down. The way you sign your unemployment check. You’re a man who likes to do things your own way. And on those special odd-numbered Saturdays when driving is permitted, you want it in your car. It’s that special feeling of a zero-emissions wind at your back and a road ahead meandering with possibilities. The kind of feeling you get behind the wheel of the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition from Congressional Motors.
All new for 2012, the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition is the mandatory American car so advanced it took $100 billion and an entire Congress to design it. We started with same reliable 7-way hybrid ethanol-biodeisel-electric-clean coal-wind-solar-pedal power plant behind the base model Pelosi, but packed it with extra oomph and the sassy styling pizazz that tells the world that 1974 Detroit is back again — with a vengeance.
We’ve subsidized the features you want and taxed away the rest. With its advanced Al Gore-designed V-3 under the hood pumping out 22.5 thumping, carbon-neutral ponies of Detroit muscle, you’ll never be late for the Disco or the Day Labor Shelter. Engage the pedal drive or strap on the optional jumbo mizzenmast, and the GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition easily exceeds 2016 CAFE mileage standards. At an estimated 268 MPG, that’s a savings of nearly $1800 per week in fuel cost over the 2011 Pelosi.
Even with increased performance we didn’t skimp on safety. With 11-point passenger racing harnesses, 15-way airbags, and mandatory hockey helmet, you’ll have the security knowing that you could survive a 45 MPH collision even if the GTxi SS/Rt were capable of that kind of illegal speed.
But the changes don’t stop there.
Well, they wouldn’t, would they? ‘Hawk only got one thing wrong here: with Our Most Benevolent Lord seizing the reins of power soon, these wonderful new People’s Automotive Transport Modules will all be FREE!
Also, proper tire inflation will be mandatory.
Update! Chris Muir writes: “My dad designed that car!”
It was waaaay back in ‘72. The specs said it had to fit sideways on a truckbed, hence its length.
Batteries were primitive back then, as well as drives, etc. It was an aluminum roll cage & ABS skin and did indeed meet crash specs.
Slow as hell, but it was street legal, I drove it to high school.
Is there a pic, you ask? Why yes; yes, there is:
I was geek before geek was cool — the Muirmobile in action!
What’d I say? Everything old is new again.
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