Do you hate Bill Clinton’s guts? Do you feel entitled to the Presidency? Are you an Annointed One, come to lead the ignorant into the Radiant Future? If so, you may be Al Gore. Or even Hillary Clinton, for that matter.

Or you may be Barack Obama.

We’ve put together some power points to help you discover if you are, in fact, Barack Obama. Because, let’s face it, since nobody really knows who Barack Obama is, you really could be him for all we know.

Let’s get started because you’ve got a speech to give and need to get to Denver before they take away the Democrat Gasoline Tax Exemption:

You May Be Barack Obama if…

…you think science can’t tell you when life began for a baby born yesterday…but science can tell you exactly how life began by accident a billion years ago.

…You’ll talk about the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt…but not your Muslim brother in Kenya.

…you say the Bush Administration is the most secretive in history…but you refuse to release your state legislative office records, or the files on the grants you sponsored, or a list of your law clients, or your state bar application, or records of the legal work you did for Rezko, or your medical records, or the Ayers/Obama Annenberg X-Files, which are currently under house arrest at the Censor-y Deprivation Wing of the Univ. of Illinois Library.

…your supporters don’t believe John McCain’s POW stories…but believe every word spoken by Gitmo detainees.

…your wife is paid a third of a million a year for being a pr genius… but says something outrageous and offensive every week. And you never tell her she’s “above her pay grade”!

…you want to be Chief Executive and your only executive experience is co-chairing a foundation with a Mad Commie Bomber…yet the Attack Poodle Press express absolutely no curiosity in looking at your foundation files–although they’d trample their grandmothers to get their hands on them if you were a Republican.

You may be Barack Obama if…

…your financial mentor is a convicted mobster, your political mentor is a terrorist bomber and your spiritual mentor is a Louis Farrakhan-clone.

..not only did you throw Rezko, Ayers and Wright under the bus, you inflated the tires first!

…you say Rezko, Ayers and Wright are ‘just guys who live in my neighborhood’…and still think you live in a good neighborhood!

… you think its a war crime to throw a sick, whimpering terrorist at Guantanamo into a broom closet until he dies…but its fine for a baby at Christ Hospital.

…you complain Americans don’t give enough…but your brother lives in a hut in Africa on a dollar a month.

…you will do absolutely anything the teachers unions ask…except put your own children in public school.

…you pay reparations by moving your money clip from your right pocket into your left.

…you believe that A Streetcar Named Desire is a worthwhile Mass Transit project and should be fully funded.

…you question the timing of Pres. Bush sending Tropical Storm Fay to the drought-stricken South on the eve of an election.

…you’re giddy at the prospect of meeting with Achmadinijad and Chavez…but draw the line at meeting with right-wing fanatics like Megan Kelly and Julie Banderas.

…you think these jokes are racist…also the weather, the Dewey Decimal System and the Space-Time Continuum.

…you thought the Cone of Silence was an especially powerful spliff.

And finally, You May Be Barack Obama if…

…even though you’re trailing in the polls to John McCain, you still have confidence the voters of Germany will put you over the top!