Because you’re a bunch of goddamned liars, that’s why.
Why Don’t They Believe Us?
You’re struggling to understand where all this vaccine hesitancy comes from. Let me help you.
Imagine you’re a normal person. The year is 2016. Rightly or wrongly, you believe most of what you see in the media. You believe polls are broadly reflective of public opinion. You believe doctors and scientists are trustworthy and independent. You’re a decent, reasonable person who follows the rules and trusts the authorities.
You are proud to be doing your part. Thanks to you and millions of your fellow citizens, the first wave of the pandemic overwhelms certain hot spots, but it does not devastate the health care system at a national level. While thousands sadly die, you’ve helped to protect those around you.
Imagine your confusion as the same people who spent three months telling you not only that masks don’t work, but that there are several reasons you shouldn’t wear or purchase them, suddenly introduce mask mandates. We’re “following the science,” they tell you. This seems to make little sense, but a pandemic is no time for questions. And who knows, maybe our understanding of the science evolved?
As you cautiously go to the supermarket, you notice that masks have made people less likely to socially distance. You remember reading somewhere that bicycle helmets work similarly: They give the wearer more confidence, and the result is often more accidents and injuries, not fewer. “Silly people,” you say to yourself. “If only they would follow the experts.”
You turn on your TV and learn that shoppers at your local supermarket aren’t the only ones who have been ignoring the rules. Nancy Pelosi arranged for a salon, shutdown by government decree, to open privately for her—then publicly blamed the business owner for violating the lockdown. California Gov. Gavin Newsom is seen eating dinner at one of the most expensive restaurants in America with a large group of unmasked people indoors. In the U.K., Neil Ferguson, the epidemiologist whose projections were used as the basis for lockdowns, appears to have broken his own rules to get some action with his married lover. Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s chief adviser, Dominic Cummings, drove halfway across the country to ensure he had a better place to isolate. The journalists who berate him for this are later found to have attended an unmasked, indoor birthday party in breach of the rules. The lockdowns continue.
The same people who told you Brexit would never happen, that Trump would never win, that when he did win it was because of Russian collusion but also because of racism, that you must follow lockdowns while they don’t, that masks don’t work, that masks do work, that social justice protests during pandemic lockdowns are a form of “health intervention,” that ransacking African American communities in the name of fighting racism is a “mostly peaceful” form of protest, that poor and underserved children locked out of shuttered schools are “still learning,” that Jussie Smollett was a victim of a hate crime, that men are toxic, that there is an infinite number of genders, that COVID couldn’t have come from a lab until maybe it did, that closing borders is racist until maybe it isn’t, that you shouldn’t take Trump’s vaccine, that you must take the vaccine developed during the Trump administration, that Andrew Cuomo is a great leader, that Andrew Cuomo is a granny killer, that the number of COVID deaths is one thing and then another … are the same people telling you now that the vaccine is safe, that you must take it, and that if you don’t, you will be a second-class citizen.
Understand vaccine hesitancy now?
If you ask me, terms like “vaccine hesitancy,” along with our shiny new group-epithets “the vaccine-reluctant” and “vaccine-resistant” are some pretty weak tea. As a totally committed “Vaccine” Refusenik™ my own self, I am proudly, openly, and irreversibly Vaccine Hostile. Unfortunately for the increasingly restive Vaxx Nazis out there, people like me aren’t anywhere near as cowardly, pliable, and just plain stupid as they desperately need us to be, and that’s bound to mean big trouble for ’em before all’s said and done. Which calls for an embed of one of the absolute greatest soliloquys from one of the absolute greatest movies of all time:
Serenity has never been more relevant, or more apropos. Chock of full of rich, buttery goodness as it surely is, it’s truly mind-boggling that the creator of both film and TeeWee series (Firefly, for those poor deprived souls who have been dwelling off-planet for the past couple decades) is in fact a Mark-1, Mod-0 libtard. It Does. Not. Compute. Not for me, it don’t.
“People don’t like to be meddled with. We tell them what to do, what to think, don’t run, don’t walk. We’re in their homes and in their heads and we haven’t the right. We’re meddlesome.”
HUNTER ANSLEY WRYN – Young River
“Can I make a suggestion that doesn’t involve violence, or is this the wrong crowd for that?”
(during a fight)
NATHAN FILLION – Mal
“- The Operative: I believe in something greater than myself. A better world. A world without sin.
– Mal: So me and mine gotta lay down and die… so you can live in your better world?”
CHIWETEL EJIOFOR – The Operative
NATHAN FILLION – Mal
The Operative: Do you know what your sin is, Mal?
Mal: Ah, hell, I’m a fan of all seven. But right now, I’m gonna have to go with wrath.
Inara Serra: You came to the Training House looking for a fight.
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I came looking for you!
Inara Serra: The war’s over, Mal.
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: You tellin’ me that cause you think I don’t know?
Inara Serra: I’ve just seen so many sides of you, I wanna make sure I know who I’m dealing with.
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I start fightin’ a war, I guarantee you’ll see somethin’ new.
To close things out, a few memorable stand-alones from Captain Malcolm Reynolds.
“My days of not taking you seriously are certainly comin’ to a middle.”
“My estimation is that…every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of a son of a bitch or another.”
Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill ’em right back.”
“That sounds like the Alliance. Unite all the planets under one rule so that everybody can be interfered with or ignored equally.”
“Point of interest? Offering to shoot us don’t work so well as an incentive as you might imagine.”
“Half of writing history is hiding the truth.”
Yep, we are all Captain Mal now. Or we’d damned well better learn to be, at least. I don’t mean slow, either.