National chaos worsens

I repeat: hey, sure, why the hell not.

Fort Rucker in flames after Black Hawk Lives Matter protest
What began as a peaceful demonstration by Black Hawk pilots frustrated after years of being marginalized by Chinook pilots turned suddenly violent.

As crowds of aviators were shouting, “Justice for Igor Sikorsky!” a few broke away and began vandalizing CH-47s spray painting “Black Hawk Lives Matter!” on their fuselages. “That’s when it all hit the fan,” said an anonymous warrant officer who was used to remaining anonymous. Suddenly offended by the presence of fixed-wing aircraft and any design that deviated from the main rotor/tail rotor configuration, the swelling mob descended on Fort Rucker’s aviation museum toppling and burning anything with a propeller or more than one main rotor.

In an effort to deescalate the situation, the base commander, Lieutenant General Durkan, ordered military police to evacuate the museum until things cooled down. Almost immediately barricades were erected by angry Black Hawk pilots who began spray painting “AMPAB” and “F*** 31B” on the museum walls and displays that were still standing. Declaring the museum an independent country, the pilots called it the “Black Hawk Autonomous Landing Zone” and posted signs reading, “NO MP LZ.” The name was then changed to the “Black Hawk Organized Protest” or BHOP for short. In an effort to show solidarity and understanding, Captain Carpenter who is an Apache pilot, joined the crowd but was shortly beaten into a coma.

Meanwhile, Brigadier General Cathy, a career CH-47 pilot, offered to shine the boots of a Black Hawk pilot and urged other CH-47 pilots to follow his example. His efforts were hampered when he realized that nobody in the army any longer wears boots that can be polished. Nevertheless, General Cathy maintained that his offer was sincere.

“This isn’t ending,” said Lieutenant King, “until everything that flies looks like a Black Hawk and every former Chinook driver buys us a beer whenever we walk into the officers’ club.”

Makes as much sense as anything else does these days.

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