I say again: one of the toughest jobs in the whole wide world these days must be working at the Babylon Bee.
Of course it is. Because hey, what isn’t?
Black Lives Matter activist and former UK member of Parliament Fiona Onasanya went after Kellogg’s Monday for perpetuating an exhaustively racist society with the presence of “three white boys” serving as the mascots of one of its signature cereals, Rice Krispies.
Onasanya, who was expelled from the UK Labour Party in 2018 and lost her seat in Parliament last year after being sentenced to three months in prison for lying to police about speeding, claims the global brand is being racist with its fictional cereal characters.
“Coco Pops and Rice Krispies have the same composition (except for the fact [Coco Pops] are brown and chocolate flavoured)… so I was wondering why Rice Krispies have three white boys representing the brand and Coco Pops have a monkey?” Onasanya inquired on Twitter.
Because you’re a stupid fucking idiot, that’s why. As we shall see momentarily.
Onasanya’s online attack quickly drew ridicule from users on Twitter who made sure to point out that the beloved characters of Snap, Crackle, and Pop are also the brand champions for Cocoa Krispies, the chocolate flavored Rice Krispies.
Another responded to Onasanya’s attacks with “Elves Lives Matter.”
Which puts me in mind of a story I’ve told here several times over the years, and am only too happy to relate again for any who might have missed it.
When I was living in Atlanta, there was TeeWee news coverage of a big protest held at the local Keebler factory. A bunch of mouthbreathing dimwits got together and decided to wax OUTRAGED!! over the fact that all the Keebler elves were, umm, white. Why were there no black Keebler elves, they demanded in high and righteous dudgeon? It’s DISCRIMINATORY! It’s OPPRESSION! It’s UNFAIR! It’s…it’s…it’s RAYCISS!!!
No lie, you could actually feel your IQ dropping as you watched these characters carrying on, marching around in circles chanting and waving their fancy signs. Until a local newspaper wag pointed out the obvious: THEY’RE ELVES, DUMBASS. CARTOON CHARACTERS. ELVES AREN’T REAL. THERE ARE NO ACTUAL ELVES, ANYWHERE. NONE.
Whereupon whatever sensible people were left in the ATL environs yawned hugely, turned off the TV, and got on with their lives. The protest did a fast fade, at least until the next reason to be all upset and pissed off came along. Which, it always does. Usually pretty damned quick.