U.S.—Joe Biden’s campaign is struggling to motivate younger voters, but he has a plan: offering free AOL trials to anyone who shows up to his rallies.
“Come on by, say hi to uncle Joe, and grab one of our free AOL CDs,” Biden says in an ad for his campaign tour. “You know, the great thing about AOL is that you get so many hours of internets. Only squares use Compuserve, Prodigy, or MSN. We’re keen on America Online!”
The campaign has warned that it’s first come, first served, so you’d better hurry if you want to experience the lightning-fast speeds of AOL’s 56K dial-up service.
Later, you’re all invited to hop into Uncle Gropey’s flivver for a run downtown to the apothecary for a malted! On a slightly more serious note:
Correct me if I’m wrong, but my earlier Joe Biden theory is confirmed more and more every day. Let’s start from the beginning.
1. At first Biden is reluctant to run. But in the spring of 2019 he gets wind of Trump investigating his corruption in Ukraine – and he immediately enters the race on 4/25/19. On the trail he looks old, tired, and his heart just isn’t in it. Why do it then? Because it’s about a lot more things than simply running for president.
2. If Trump isn’t stopped, the entire Biden family’s dirt will come out. At this point, the only way to avoid or at least to delay it is Biden being in the race: the news of his corruption can then be discredited as usual electioneering and Trump’s dirty tricks.
3. Biden may not be the only one who took dirty money from Ukrainian oligarchs, plus Democrats used Ukrainian politicians to dig up dirt on Trump’s team in 2016. Now their lives and careers depend on their ability to stop Trump’s investigation and to muddle the issue. They also know they can’t beat Trump in 2020, all they can do is try to impeach him in order to shut him up. They have loyal spies in the White House and wait for an opportune moment to pounce.
4. Trump’s phone call with Ukraine becomes such a moment. The Dems quickly compose a play about a concerned whistleblower and stage it in the House. They charge Trump with exactly what they themselves have done – getting help from a foreign government in order to dig up dirt on a political rival, followed by a cover-up.
5. These charges only make sense if Biden is running against Trump in a general election, which he isn’t. As a minimum, he must be a frontrunner in the primaries, and so the DNC throws him into the mix of candidates and artificially inflates his status. The entire impeachment scheme is predicated on Biden running and winning the primaries. Without him posing as Trump’s rival, the Democrats won’t be able to claim that Trump wanted to steal an election. So old Joe must make a good face and keep running even if he eventually collapses and pays with his life to save the swamp.
6. The Senate acquits Trump and the Dems switch to harassing him about Roger Stone. It no longer matters if Biden is a frontrunner, he has outlived his usefulness. The DNC pulls the plug and the sad old Joe is done, unless the Dems can use him later to cheat Bernie out of a win. His numbers are in the gutter.
7. What are the Dems covering up in Ukraine? It must be big if they staged an impeachment and risked their entire political capital over it.
One can deduce how big it is from the now-absurd lengths to which the Deep State has gone to keep it suppressed. And now that they’ve been ballsy enough to laugh in our faces openly with the McCabe dismissal, you can be assured that we’ll never find out. Rounding out the absurdity:
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, who was a key subject of the controversy related to Trump’s dealings with his country, says he is ready to turn the page on the scandal and even compared it to a ‘soap opera.’
According to the AFP, Zelensky told the Munich Security Conference on Saturday: “After the whole impeachment soap opera, I want to go (to Washington) and start a blank page on our relations.”
According to Marcus, during his CNN interview Zelensky severely undermined key arguments by Democrats in their impeachment efforts against Trump. For instance, by stating that he looks forward to meeting soon with Trump, Zelensky throws “cold water” on the suggestion that he was being extorted or unduly pressured in his July 25 phone call with the American commander in chief.
Undermined? Hell, he trashed their entire fucking case already, when he explicitly denied he had been pressured by Trump.
But no matter. Who cares? The whole creaky, clanking shitshow will continue to stagger along regardless for a good while yet, with the Democrat-Socialists launching ever-more-desperate attempts to unseat Trump; the Vichy GOPe whimpering nonsensically that their “true conservative principles” leave them no choice but to endorse a Communist for president; various DoJ “investigations” and “inquiries” marching eternally in place, issuing occasional vague reports that euphemize criminal acts as “irregularities” but can find no cause to indict, prosecute, and imprison anyone, ever, for anything.
The clock will be run out. As Uncle Gropey, confused and angry, is gently led off the campaign trail and into managed-care oblivion, general interest in his doings will gutter out. The Greatest Show On Earth—US Election Theater, wherein the candidates’ faces and names change but the shadowy bureaucrats who really run things are forever—will continue as before, dazzling and distracting the credulous few who still believe in such fantasies. Enemedia will pivot to the next lie, the next slander, the next OUTRAGE! of the week.
And the biggest, most outrageous scandal in American history will be allowed to die its quiet little death, to be buried next to its unavenged victim—the rule of law—without ceremony or resolution.