Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

THE HORROR

Here comes the next thing we all must be OUTRAGED! about.

Why Pickup Trucks Keep Getting Bigger and Bigger
Is it a natural progression? Or are we compensating for something?

Okay, I’m gonna go waaaay out on a limb here before I’ve even read the damned article—which, come to think of it, I ain’t gonna—and guess that the author’s premise is that it HAS to be the latter. I’m basing that on the assumption that it’s a piece posted by a Mark-1 Mod-0 liberal outlet, and the author of it is a weedy little journo-excrescence who’s doing more than just a little “compensating” himself by attacking and insulting those cretinous Neantherdal throwbacks who, y’know, like pickup trucks. Which of course ought to be banned, every last one of ’em.

Next, I’m gonna go even further out on said limb by speculating that pickups are getting bigger because A) the pickup people like ’em that way and will therefore be more willing to consider buying one, and B) pickups, by their very nature, are more useful for the purpose they’re built for—ie, hauling objects, people, or critters from point A to point B—when they’re bigger, tougher, and more powerful.

Okay, I just scrolled down and read the last two paragraphs, which are an endorsement of “electric pickups” and the possibility that they might lead to more diminutive—and hopefully more emasculated—pickups some fine, frabjous day. So it would seem that the prescient wisdom of my snap decision to save myself some trifling irritation by not bothering to read all of this twipe has been confirmed, along with my assumptions about both outlet and author.

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2 thoughts on “THE HORROR

  1. Mike: If you do read the article, in the even-a-blind-squirrel-sometimes-finds-a-nut way, they correctly peg the increase in truck size to (wait for it!) GOVERNMENT REGULATION.

    Seriously, the CAFE (Corporate Average Fuel Economy) standards changed under Obama to be “platform based.” IOW, the bigger the platform, the worse MPG the vehicle could get before being penalized.

    Other truck-related news outlets have pointed out the fact that these CAFE standards have had the unintended result of seeing a near disappearance of short-bed, ‘regular cab’ trucks. This makes sense to anybody who actually has owned a truck.

    After all, the difference in fuel economy between a full-size “regular cab” truck and a full size “crew cab” truck is negligible. But because the Crew Cab is bigger, it is “allowed” to get worse MPG before penalties are slapped on (increasing the price since the “penalties” are simply a tax added to the price of the vehicle.)

    So the buyer gets “more truck for less money” by buying the bigger vehicle.

    Of course, if the writer of this “article” knew fuck-all about the truck market they’d know that in reality, the opposite is true, too: Trucks are not “getting bigger”, in fact, “MID SIZE” trucks are making something of a comeback after all but disappearing in the first decade of the 2000’s. Chevy dropped the Colorado in 2011 or so and Ford dropped the Ranger a year later. But the Colorado and Ranger are both back in all new forms, because the manufacturers realized that it was a mistake to discontinue mid-sized trucks.

    Final note: I just bought a 2018 F-150 with the 3.5 EcoBoost engine. Even with a crew cab, 4 wheel drive and 32″ tires, I’m getting 18+ MPG in the city and over 21 on the highway. And with 375hp/470tq it’s a hoot to drive!

  2. My 2016 F-150, when parked next to my ’68 F-250, resembles Andre the Giant next to Danny DeVito. As much as I like the ’68, and the fact that it burns more gasoline in an hour than a Prius does in a week, its nowhere near as good a vehicle as the newer, bigger pickup. They’re bigger and better because we want them to be. Lots of us are 6′-3″, not 5′-8″, and we fit better in bigger trucks. If I could’ve been smarter a few years ago I would’ve bought a ’72 Ford Crew Cab and slapped that on a modern drivetrain. Not as ‘safe’, but so what. If you nurse the 3.5 eco, you can get north of 24mpg. I once hit 27 mpg, at 60 mph. But that torque. Holy crap its great….and ‘sport mode’ in the six speed. Wow. If I need to haul full size 4×8 sheets of plywood and long two by’s, the ’68 comes out, I load up the bed and the ladder rack, and with a full load, she rides like a car. The 5.5′ box on the ’16 is good for some stuff, but the pickup is more like an Australian ‘ute’ than the traditional American pickup.

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