Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

DAMNED PESKY (((((JOOOOOOZ!!!)))) BLOW UP TWO TANKERS IN STRAITS OF HORMUZ!!!

The ((((INTERNATIONAL CONSPIRACY!!!)))) strikes again, trying to drag us into war again with our bestest buds EVAR, our staunchest and most reliable allies against ((((THE TRIBE!!!)))), the Iranian “Death To America” Mad Mullahs.

The United States has blamed Iran for an attack on two tankers in the Gulf of Oman, releasing video footage that it claims shows an Iranian patrol boat removing an unexploded mine from one of the vessels’ hulls.

I’ve seen speculation in certain Mouthbreathing Right comment sections that, since the limpets removed from the tanker’s hill were above the water line, this simply HAS TO BE a “false flag” op to lure the US into war with Iran, probably instigated by ((((DEM WARMONGERIN’ JOOOOOZ!!!)))). Remember this material; you will see it again on the test later.

The Kokura Courageous and Front Altair tankers were attacked in international waters Thursday, prompting the evacuation of both vessels and raising fears of further confrontation in one of the world’s most strategic shipping lanes at a time of high tensions between the US and Iran.

The explosions, which sparked a fire on at least one of the two ships, are still under investigation. US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo blamed Iran for the incident, citing intelligence assessments, the weapons used, the level of expertise required and the similarity to other recent attacks.

Another of US official told CNN that multiple Iranian small boats have entered the area where the USS Bainbridge continues to be on the scene, prompting US Central Command to issue a statement saying, “No interference with USS Bainbridge, or its mission, will be tolerated.”

However, a US official familiar with the current situation told CNN on Friday that Iranian small boats are preventing tugboats from towing away the Front Altair tanker — by being placed between the tugs and the disabled tanker.

It was actually a ((((JOOOOO!)))) boat, from Israel, no doubt.

Who could fail to see it, to question the comprehensive veracity of the ((((JOOOO!!!)))) conspiracy being behind this? I mean, really, people: when has Iran EVER declared sovereignty and control over the Hormuz straits, mined the Straits or the Persian Gulf, or threatened to block/close them?

Why, Iran has never taken a belligerent stance against the US; has no interest at all in higher oil prices and would never contemplate taking action to bring about such an increase; and is by no means involved in any so-called “Muslim terrorism” against the West—which is itself no more than a “false flag” ((((JOOOOO!!!)))) plot to turn us against our natural Mideast allies in favor of ((((YOU KNOW WHERE!!!)))).

WAKE UP, AMERICA!!

Oh, and as if all my above smart-assery weren’t enough to firmly establish the self-beclowning paranoia of the Mouthbreathing Right for you more reasonable types, there’s also this: those “UNPOSSIBLE!” above-the-waterline mine emplacements are actually pretty much the standard MO when sowing them from a patrol boat instead of having your SpecWar divers, if any, do it from underwater. But let’s not bother ourselves with facts, evidence, or the historical record here. For the ((((JOOOOO!!!)))-hatin’ Right, there’s never any need to look further than the nearest hook-nosed, greedy, world-dominating ((((TRIBE!!!)))) member for all your blame-assigning needs.

Disclaimer: I can’t see any scenario wherein I would support American boots on the ground in Iran. Nor do I wish to get involved yet again in a bootless, ennui-inducing rehash of ((((THE JOOO QUESTION!!!)))) argument here. At the same time, though, anybody who can’t (or won’t) comprehend that Iran’s Islamic-supremacist regime has been a dedicated, dangerous enemy since 1979 is a knucklehead. And any Righty who’s presently pretzeling himself into sloppy, doughy knots to find some way, any way, to manufacture some sort of Jewish conspiracy behind what is so obviously just the latest in a long, long line of Iranian provocations and/or acts of war is a damned fool.

Update! Almost forgot to include the hilariously baffling quote that closes the CNN article:

On Friday, a UK intelligence source told CNN that Britain had “no doubts” over the validity of the video released by the US Central Command. When asked about the remarks from Pompeo blaming Iran for the attack, Maja Kocijančič, a spokeswoman for the European Union, said Friday that the EU was still “gathering more information.”

“We have said repeatedly that the region doesn’t need further de-escalation it does need destabilization does need further tension and therefore we call for maximum restraint and to avoid provocations,” Kocijančič said.

Um. Well, okay, then. That certainly clears things right up all to hell and gone, don’t it?

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4 thoughts on “DAMNED PESKY (((((JOOOOOOZ!!!)))) BLOW UP TWO TANKERS IN STRAITS OF HORMUZ!!!

  1. Please don’t go full neocon retards. Not saying the Israelis did this . Just saying why in the holy eff would the Iranians do this? It’s as fake as the WMDs in Iraq but “we have to take fight them over theyare so weh dont have to fight them over here” stupid shit of the George Dumbya presidency. It was a painful time to watch conservatives fall for the crock of crap that was the Iraq war. Let’s not do it again.

  2. Having fallen for the Neocon con once already, way back in the Dubya days, there’s little to no danger of me doing so again, Mike. But consider this…why would Iran do it? Why would you think for a moment that they wouldn’t? As all those supporting links I threw in above clearly confirm, this is precisely the same thing they’ve been doing for years and years now–since the Mad Mullah regime’s inception, in fact. Conquest and proselytization by the sword are in Muslim DNA; it’s what they ARE, what their filthy little “Holy” book explicit commands them to do. You might say that, being adherents to the ravings of the Pedophile Prophet, they can’t NOT do it, any more than a Leftist can resist the urge to assert control over others or the gummint can refrain from meddling in business not properly its own.

    Again: there is NO scenario wherein I would support US boots on the ground, far less the kind of hopelessly doomed Community Outreach effort Dubya implemented, trying to bring the blessings of democracy and liberty to savage troglodytes viscerally hostile to those things. No way. That said, if Trump wanted to loft a few missiles or drop a few bombs in Tehran’s direction, I wouldn’t be discomfited overmuch. I still vividly remember the dark days of the Iranian hostage crisis, and we never have exacted payback for that humiliation. That abdication of national self-respect is the very thing that condemned the West to the ongoing plague of terrorism we face today, along with several other Very Bad Things that came along with it.

  3. US-flagged ship?

    US-passported worker casualties?

    US waters or territory?

    No?

    Then let somebody else figure this debacle out.

    Seems too much like the waters known as Tonkin, Havana, Aden et al and less like the attack on the USS Liberty, which, like the Tehran embassy, has never been avenged for some reason.

    1. Now this I completely agree with.

      And the only military action that we should undertake with respect to Iran is nukes. Period. Either obliterate them or leave them alone. And any attack on a legitimate US interest is worth nuking.

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