Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

“I am a highly motivated Trump voter because the Democrats have motivated me up to my eyeballs. I have never been more motivated in my life, because the Democrats are terrifying me”

That just means you’re sane.

It’s a damn shame I have to wait another 20 months to vote for President Trump. I wish I could do it now. Twice. Or better yet, in as many jurisdictions as I can. Preferably in every swing district and every swing state.

I am a middle-of-the-road Republican who voted for Trump with the utmost reluctance in 2016. He sure wasn’t perfect. He was no Cicero, either––though he can give a decent speech when the chips are down. He had a few extra skeletons rattling in his closet, especially compared to colorless non-entities like Jeb. So yeah, I was queasy about voting for an ex-registered-Democrat-from-New-York-and-possible-liberal-now-turned-Republican.

Was I worried? Hell, yeah! Was I depressed? You bet. But, really, what options were there? Hillary? Jill Stein? Seriously? Trump wasn’t my first choice or my second choice or my third choice, but by the time November 2016 rolled around, Trump was the only choice on the menu. So I swallowed hard, took a leap of faith, and pulled the lever for the Donald.

And let me tell ya, every time one of these newly minted Democratic “stars” opens their mouth, the same thought goes through my mind: Thank God for Trump. Trump is my last line of defense. Trump is the only thing that stands between me and these hallucinogenic socialist nut jobs. Trump is what’s keeping chaos and left-wing insanity at bay.

What’s that? Russia? Mueller? Collusion? I am sick of Russia and I am sick of Mueller. I am sick of Comey, Rosenstein, Ohr, McCabe, Yates, Strzok, Page, Baker, and the rest of the gang. I am beyond sick of them. I am vomit-inducingly sick of them. (And, for the record, I was born in Russia, so I know Russia like these Democrat clowns can’t even imagine.) After years of nonstop investigations, all they actually have on the collusion front is Manafort’s tax evasion from 10 years ago. That’s it?

Remember that New York Times monster 15,000-word article about Trump’s inheritance taxes 30 years ago? Ask me if I care. Jared Kushner? Next! Ivanka’s shoe line? Whatever. Trump Hotel in DC? Yawn. The Emoluments Clause? Puuuuhhhhlease. Obstruction? Here, I agree. Trump made a mistake. He should have fired Comey’s ass on day one instead of waiting two months to do it.

All the CNN talking heads agree that Trump is an idiot? Maybe, but at least he isn’t planning to ban my car. Trump lies? Maybe, but with Trump, we’ll still have airplanes (and my 401(k) plan has been doing great since his election).

This gets us to the next installment of “Friday the 13th,” a.k.a. the Democratic presidential candidates. Kamala Harris, you say? You seriously want me to vote for Kamala Harris? And you say that Cory “Spartacus” Booker is just like Kamala, only better and balder? Are you kidding me? Pete Buttigieg? Ask me again when I stop laughing.

Bernie? Really? This grumpy near-octogenarian “public service” millionaire with three mansions is running for the presidency of the wrong country. All his best ideas have already been put into practice––in Venezuela.

This is a guy who pseudo-honeymooned in the USSR (two years before it collapsed!), and didn’t notice that people were waiting in mile-long lines for literally everything. This is a guy who has never met a paleo-Stalinist dictator he couldn’t be best pals with. Bernie doesn’t need to pretend he is a complete crank; he is a complete crank.

I will personally call every one of my friends, neighbors, and acquaintances, and beg them to vote for Trump. I will even offer to come and wash their cars while in the nude, if only they’d vote for Trump.

This one is a riot, folks—and it’s funny ’cause it’s true. Looks like Bill Kristol and Ewan McMuffin or whatever other empty suit he and David French dig up and re-embalm to run against Trump have their work cut out for ’em.

Update! Did somebody say the Democrat-Socialists were completely bugfuck nuts, crazy as a shithouse rat? Why yes, I believe somebody did.

A pair of Georgia Democrat lawmakers are planning to introduce a bill that would require men to call police when they ejaculate, and classify unprotected sex as “aggravated assault” on the men’s part.

State Reps. Dar’shun Kendrick, of Lithonia, and Park Cannon, of Atlanta are putting forward a “testicular bill of rights” in protest of Georgia’s House passing a bill preventing abortions once a heartbeat is detected in the womb.

The measure would require men to obtain permission from their sexual partners before obtaining any prescriptions for erectile dysfunction medication.

Additionally, it would outlaw vasectomy procedures, require a “24 hour waiting period” to buy sex toys or pornography, and mandate DNA tests to determine the father at six weeks into a pregnancy.

The move is a political ploy as it has little chance of passing Georgia’s House or Senate.

Oh, sure…NOW. Give it three or four years, though, and it will not only be the law of the land, but anything short of wildly enthusiastic support for the idea will be widely condemned as antediluvian, unevolved bigotry—an affront to universally-accepted standards of decency, morally equilavent to advocating the reinstution of slavery.

This bill and the pro-life bill passed by the Georgia House are in stark contrast with each other, as Bill 481’s goal is to protect the lives of unborn babies, whereas this bill simply limits the rights of men in a belittling fashion.

Petty, vindictive, childish, ludicrously stupid: as concise a summary of the character of the Left as you’ll ever find.

(Via Bill)

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7 thoughts on ““I am a highly motivated Trump voter because the Democrats have motivated me up to my eyeballs. I have never been more motivated in my life, because the Democrats are terrifying me”

  1. Well some pollsters are saying the Democrats are really messing up because they are blowing off the “white” vote. Also trump is picking a few percentage points from the black community and the “Hispanic” community. They are saying that all the Trump campaign has to do is rerun the communist’s videos for an inexpensive “October” surprise. A few points here , a few points there, and you have a party evaporating.

    1. That ignores what the Koch-sucking Rove Republican swill will do to destroy President Trump before the election. And it also ignores the rampant fraud, corruption, and treason shown across this country in its hives, and the fact that NOT EVEN ONE “Law Enforcement” agency, nor the “Legal” system is doing a God damned thing about it.

  2. You blathering GOP cuck, eat a bag of shit (twice) you worthless, Depends swilling, boomer.
    For the record, that’s you, drumpf felching Mike.

      1. Your tribe does not handle honesty well, does it? But then taqiyya is not just for ragheads…

  3. I thought the “testicular bill of rights” was a Babylon Bee story. Then I went to the link. Not only is it real, further into the story I read that older dudes like me would need to register with the local cops when I release sperm from my testicles. My cock would now be like a registered weapon? That’s cool, gross, and weird all at the same time. I wonder if this bill would also lead to home raids by cops checking on tissue and lube usage. They’ve gotta know if we old guys are complying with the law, right?

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