Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

Conscientious cops

Good on ’em.

Sheriffs in rural Washington state are reportedly refusing to enforce the gun controls contained in I-1639, an initiative passed by voters in November 2018.

The initiative was funded by millionaires and billionaires.

Rural Washington state appears to have had enough of it. The Guardian reports that numerous sheriffs are refusing to enforce the controls contained in I-1639. After all, the initiative was rejected by 27 of the state’s 32 counties. It passed because of the financial backing and the massive populations of the cities compared to the populations of rural areas.

Klickitat County Sheriff Bob Songer is one of those allegedly refusing to enforce the controls. He said the controls are “unconstitutional on several grounds. I’ve taken the position that as an elected official, I am not going to enforce that law.”

Again: good on ya, sir. If your constituents remain smart—and deserving of their eroding liberty—re-election shouldn’t ever be something you need to worry much about. The Real Resistance need as many like you as we can possibly get, and not just out there in Washington state either.

Can’t parody ’em anymore update! A peek into the future at a cop of a different stripe.

October 28th, 2046. A day I’ll never forget.

It started just like any other day. I was at the station, watching President Ocortez on TV as she sentenced a criminal to death for denying that women experience erectile dysfunction, when the call came through. 10-37, Triggering In Progress at the memorial! I dropped my tofu and latte, sprinted to my patrol Prius, and blazed out of the parking lot at my max speed of 22 miles per hour.

On the way to the call I reminded myself not to get complacent; these situations can turn deadly in an instant. But I knew I’d be okay as long as I followed the escalation of force steps. If the suspect was a cishet patriarchal oppressor, shame, then accuse, then destroy online. But if the suspect was an oppressed victim of colonization, he wasn’t a suspect at all. So the steps were to ask for compliance, beg, plead, cry, apologize for my privilege, grovel, cry, admit everything is my fault, ask permission to touch him, cry, run away, drive to the station, cry, quit my job. Hopefully this situation wouldn’t require more than one cry.

As I tore through the streets, making sure not to hit any of the bicyclists passing me, I heard a muffled thump ahead. Smoke drifted from around the corner of a building. I turned and saw electric cars aflame, blood and body parts scattered on the street, broken glass and shards of metal everywhere. Just ahead of my car a human with long blond hair, wide hips, round stomach and large breasts frantically pushed a baby stroller away from whatever had just happened.

I cranked down my window and yelled, “Excuse me! What gender are you?”

“What gender am I?” She asked? “I’m obviously a pregnant woman!”

I glared at her. She was on the verge of a thought crime. I asked, “What happened here?”

“A suicide bomber just blew himself up!” she screamed.

I shook my head. “Trump,” I muttered. “That son of a bitch.”

“What?” she blurted. “Trump hasn’t been president in 25 years and has been dead for over a decade. This has nothing to do with Trump. Some guy yelled ‘Allah akbar, I love ISIS’ and blew himself up. People are dead and dying, please send help!”

“Oh, I’ll send someone,” I said. “You just stay right here and wait for them.” As I drove away I keyed my radio. “Dispatch, we need a Bias Response Team to 600 Main. A pregnant, female-appearing human expected me to assume her gender. She also failed to understand why a marginalized member of this oppressive society would lash out against the cishetero patriarchy. Tell the team to kill if necessary.”

The dispatcher responded, “Yeeeeeeeee!” Zhe was triggered, and nobody could blame zher. What I’d just described was traumatic. But I knew that zhe’d send the team as soon as zhe got zherself under control. Then I added, “Oh yeah, there was a bombing or something too. No idea of motive, probably workplace violence.” I continued toward the memorial, leaving behind patriarchal colonizers who’d no doubt gotten what they deserved.

Read it all, it’s funny as hell. At the same time, it really ain’t funny at all. Not anymore, not when we’re way more than halfway to Bizarro World already.

(Via Aesop)

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"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." – Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution

"To put it simply, the Left is the stupid and the insane, led by the evil. You can’t persuade the stupid or the insane and you had damn well better fight the evil." - Skeptic

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