Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

Is NOTHING sacred?

And I don’t mean John Henry, necessarily. I mean the goddamned ROCK, buster.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson will play folk hero John Henry in an upcoming Netflix movie. Until the recent backlash, I was unaware that Johnson is only half black; his mother is Samoan.

Some think Johnson, who is among the highest-paid actors in the world, is not black enough to play a black man in the movies. One wrote, “John Henry was a very dark skin man & yes that matters.” Yet, John Henry is mythological. The skin shade of the “real” John Henry is uncertain; and like all folk tales, many aspects of the story “are subject to debate.”

Other critics say Dwayne Johnson hasn’t proclaimed his blackness enough to qualify as black. One tweet read, “The Rock is black when it’s profitable and racially ambiguous when it isn’t. We need a proud, strong, all-day black man to play John Henry.” 

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Remind me of that the next time you shrieking twerps want, say, Will Smith to play Jim West, or a black lesbian to play Captain Kirk, or any other such PC douchebaggery you degenerates cook up in your never-ceasing “reboots” of classic old movies or TV shows.

It reminds me of the ridiculousness that greeted me not long after I had moved to Atlanta back in ’98. The local teewee “news” wasted a couple of days covering, with somber seriousness, a big protest at the Keebler factory over the lack of any black Keebler elves in the commercials for their cookies. Nobody bothered to break it to these mental giants that, uhh, there aren’t any elves, black or white, in the first place. Nor did they bake their delicious cookies inside a hollow tree. Because, you see, ELVES DON’T EXIST. So when dreaming up imaginary cartoon-spokesthings to advertise said cookies, you’re free to make them any skin color you might wish to. The whole ward of douchenoodles would probably have suffered a mass nervous breakdown over having that shocking news broken to ’em.

Would those criticizing the selection of Dwayne Johnson to play John Henry be outraged by the idea that their mindset is the same as those who sought to determine who was Jewish in Nazi Germany?

Why would they? They—well, their ideological forerunners—were the ones doing it. And THOSE ovens were real. And were not manned by elves, either. They were manned by dedicated, diehard socialists, not at all far removed in either philosophical or practical terms from the ones blighting the landscape and wet-belching up moronic Tweets against The Rock today.

Can you even imagine how miserable it must be to have to go through life whining and moaning and offended and upset over every least little insignificant thing you encounter? There’s absolutely nothing that doesn’t bother them, nothing they can leave alone or let slide without complaint. Even the most granular, fleabitten nothing on Earth gets conflated into a major ass-ache by these pusnutted pissants. It must be awful.

Serves ’em right.

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1 thought on “Is NOTHING sacred?

  1. These are the same people who watched Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings movies, saw the orcs, thought “blacks”, and called others racist.

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