Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

Trump’s Underground Militia scores another win

“This meeting of the Trump Underground Militia will come to order. Jason, how do we stand with our efforts in London?”

“We’ve recruited about 200 of the wierdest, most repulsive whackos in the city. They have promised to show up at protests wearing their most outrageous costumes, and doing their hair in neon bright colors and ridiculous styles.”

“Sounds like a good start. What kind of costumes are we talking about?”

“Well one woman described this pink Statue of Liberty thing she wanted to do, but it turns out she has no idea what the Statue of Liberty actually looks like. We said she was holding a fan instead of a tablet, and the idiot bought it. Then we’ve got a man who dresses as a cat, a person of indeterminate sexuality with some kind of strange pirate getup, a bunch who like to dress in white-face with black makeup, and another person of indeterminate sexuality who likes to display his or her crotch in as vulgar a way as you can imagine.”

“Good! How about signs?”

“We made some suggestions, and those fools just ate them up. They make no sense at all, but that didn’t seem to matter. For example, ‘Don’t grab pussy with blood’ was their favorite, even though it doesn’t make a lick of sense.”

“Did they bite on the Black Lives Matter sign I suggested?”

“Oh, yeah. There wasn’t a black within ten miles, but they thought BLM was great. We told them Trump was racist against blacks and they said ‘Of course he is!’, and they didn’t need to know anything more about BLM.”

“How about the usual papier mache puppets?”

“Oh, we came up with a better idea – a balloon of Trump in a diaper. I though they were going to orgasm right there in front of us. We helped them raise $40,000 for it.”

“Aren’t you afraid they might actually make something impressive with $40K?”

“Those maroons? Not a chance. It ended up being about the size of a car. Anyone who has seen the Macy’s Day parade will laugh at it. The newspapers are already printing photoshopped pictures of this giant balloon over the city, and the actual one will just make them look pathetic.”

“Well done, all. I think we can count this as another major success in our 2020 re-election strategy. I’m sure lots of voters will look at those British protestors and vote for Trump from sheer revulsion.”

“OK, just make sure there are some good pictures of your work for the media to publish.”

Trump hating idiots

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"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." – Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution

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