They eat their own, and all we have to do is sit back and let it happen. Because nobody—NOBODY—can ever be Left enough to suit the raving psychos.
Way, way back in the deepest mists of history, circa March 2015, the Starbucks Corporation rolled out an initiative they called “Race Together.” Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz, concerned about the racial divide in America, instructed baristas to scribble the thought-provoking phrase “Race Together” on customers’ cups as a way to “foster discussion.” Because that’s exactly what you want when you’re waiting in line for an overpriced cup of coffee that tastes like it was filtered through a hobo’s liver. You want a lecture about what a racist you are.
After a solid week of razzing back in March 2015, Starbucks put the kibosh on the whole thing. It was a silly but well-meaning effort to do something about a problem that can’t be solved by writing words on coffee cups. So they stopped, and the baristas went back to misspelling your name on your cup, and America found other stuff to freak out about.
Until now! Look at what happened in a Starbucks in Philadelphia last week:
Two African-American guys said they were just waiting for a friend before ordering anything. The manager called the cops, and the two men were arrested.
I’m really confused about whom to believe here. The other customers claim that the two men did nothing wrong. But those other customers are… white. Am I really supposed to take the word of some white folks? You know how those people are.
So now, of course, everybody wants to #BoycottStarbucks. And they’re doing it #ByAnyMeansNecessary.
Okay, kids. I guess you gotta boycott something this week. Might as well make it Starbucks. I #BoycottStarbucks every day already, because their coffee tastes like burnt buttholes. Glad to help.
I hope this fiasco proves instructive to Howard Schultz and everybody else at Starbucks. No matter how liberal you are, no matter how hard you work to establish and maintain your #woke credentials, all it takes is one slip-up. Just one viral video, taken on one of the cameras that we all carry now, and the angry mob will descend on you. Nothing you do or say will appease them. No apology will be sufficient. You can’t grovel low enough.
I don’t much care what happens to Starbucks; as Treacher says, their coffee is awful enough even before the obigatory splash of liberal sanctimony renders it capable of inducing violent regurgitation. Too, I’m just fine with the Progressivist Purity Police turning on their slightly less extreme brethren and tearing them to bloody pieces; it’s less time they can spend on fucking with us, and sometimes mildly amusing as well. So I’m content to more or less ignore the Left’s occasional outburst of ideological cannibalism and just go on with my day.
But this hilarious picture makes the Starbucks tempest in a teapot worthy of notice:
Ahh, the idiot Left and their ever-present bullhorns—indoors, no less. Looking at the poor put-upon barista’s stoic resignation to a high-volume hectoring from that bespectacled twerp makes me think that his disillusionment with Progressivist twaddle and his eventual abandonment of it in search of a saner, less self-righteous alternative just might be beginning…right…about…NOW.
Welcome to the Dark Side, bub. It’s much nicer and more relaxed over here, and when we want to indulge any propensity for making loud noises we usually do so at the shooting range, without bothering a single soul.