Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

Most annoying list

Jim Goad runs ’em down.

It shouldn’t need explaining, but this list is not scientific. I’m just going with seventeen people, both famous and obscure, whose very existence on this planet gave me a skin rash in 2017. And they didn’t need to be annoying in terms of their personality so much as they embodied a highly annoying social trend.

Yes, I am fully aware there are people who may have annoyed you more. It’s highly likely that if you and I were placed in the same room together, we’d quickly annoy one another. There are no “right” and “wrong” answers here.

Annoying people are ranked in ascending order. In other words, while I wouldn’t mind if Juan Thompson were to get a mild tummy ache from prison food one night, I might actually feel warm inside if Bill Kristol were to spontaneously combust.

Agreed. Several people on Goad’s list are completely unknown to me, for which small mercy I am humbly thankful. But there’s also…

Congresswoman Maxine Waters has represented the same South LA district since Reconstruction. She lives in a white neighborhood and has never gone for more than five consecutive minutes without reminding everyone that she’s black. As unintelligent as she is self-righteous, she claimed in 2017 that Vladimir Putin invaded Korea, referred to Trump and his associates as “scumbags,” called the White House “the White Supremacists’ House,” and has repeatedly demanded for Trump’s impeachment based on little more than the fact that he has thin lips and almost invisible eyebrows. It is my sincere belief that Maxine Waters is a racist, and as everyone knows, I disavow racism not only because it is evil, but because it is unpopular.

This is what happens when ugly women get old—their personalities catch up. Seeking attention to revive a career that I suspect had relegated her to playing Indian casinos and lesbian weddings, Griffin infamously posed for a photo session back in May that showed her attempting a “this is serious shit” face while hoisting the bloodied head of our glorious and wonderful president that she had presumably decapitated. The backlash caused her to lose her gig cohosting CNN’s New Year’s Eve festivities alongside tiny grey-haired gaybird Anderson Cooper, a job which she held since 2009. She blamed her plight on “a bunch of white guys.” As a white guy writing on New Year’s Eve, I take great pleasure in imagining that she’s in great pain right now.

Good stuff right enough, but my favorite line from the whole shitfling would have to be this one:

Scott Wiener is a California state senator who looks gayer than Liberace’s balls resting on Judy Garland’s head.

Go ahead, just try and erase that disturbing mental image from your head. Sort of adds a whole new flavor to the word “listicle,” don’t it? What can one say, really, but: heh.


1 thought on “Most annoying list

  1. Even though I have no proof that he’s a child molester, Bill Nye looks like one. To be fair, he also looks like a scientist, what with that white smock and his geeky mien.

    Heh. I can see some context deficit Progressive reading that article and coming away completely triggered with nothing but shrieks of “OMG! Jim Goad said all scientists look like pedophiles! I’m literally shaking right now!!! 11eventy!!! Literally!!!

    ‘Cause you know they just fucking love SCIENCE! and all.

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"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." – Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution

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