Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

Greatest self-beclowning EVER

At last: REAL news!

CNN ran a story on Monday describing the “wonderful” visit of Sesame Street character Elmo to a refugee camp in Syria, where he concludes that “refugee kids are just like us.”

“They like to play and learn just like Elmo and all his friends at Sesame Street,” Elmo said during an interview broadcast on CNN via Facebook Live. “Elmo thinks it’s important to know that everybody is the same deep down and that’s very important.”

And there it is, Progressivist folly distilled down to the pure, the blushful Hippocrene. By an inanely giggling fucking puppet from a children’s TV show. It’s kinda profound, in a hilarious sort of way. Certainly it was, shall we say: UNEXPECTED!™

“It was really sad because Elmo’s new friends told Elmo that they had to leave their homes because it wasn’t safe for them to stay,” he continued. “And that made Elmo really sad and sometimes a bit scared.”

I’m sure Edward R Murrow, Huntley and Brinkley, and Ernie Pyle would all be proud of this exercise in real, serious journalism. Why, even old liberal-propaganda warhorse Walter Cronkite must be shedding a tear of pride over this hard-hitting effort at boldly reporting important news from a Middle East hellhole soberly and evenhandedly, without flinching. Gravitas, anyone?

Aa for poor Elmo’s being “a little scared”: hell, you oughta be, little guy. You were surrounded by people who would just as soon kill you as not. Well, insofar as it’s possible to kill a fucking puppet, I mean. Sheesh.

On the other hand:

The bizarre story comes amidst a rising problem of credibility at the network.

Well, spank my ass and call me Shorty, why ever would THAT be? But this penetrating report should go a long way towards restoring it. Next up: Elmo dons a thobe and keffiyah and visits a mosque to perform a marriage ceremony uniting his friends Bert and Ernie! Then they all have the stuffing torn out of them by the howling, ululating mob.

THIS…is CNN. No really, dammit, it is. Now stop snickering.

They’re all nuts, folks. They are all well and truly, completely and irrevocably, certifiably bug-fuck nuts.

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1 thought on “Greatest self-beclowning EVER

  1. Good little snippet, but the title was a little misleading, Don’t forget every time Nazi PeeLousy opens her mouth. Or Chucky Cheesy. Or Maxine. Or…

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