Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

Problems, problems

Hope you guys got a hanky or three ready for this one.

Jane Park, 21 — who won $1.25 million playing Euromillions at age 17 — says she was too young to cope with the sudden flood of wealth, according to the UK Mirror.

“At times it feels like winning the lottery has ruined my life. I thought it would make it 10 times better but it’s made it 10 times worse,” she moaned to the paper.

“I wish I had no money most days. I say to myself, ‘My life would be so much easier if I hadn’t won,’” she said.

She’s sick of shopping, misses hustling for a paycheck and has struggled to find a boyfriend who isn’t using her for the dough, she said.

Before Park won the lottery in 2013, she worked as an administrative assistant for $10 an hour and lived in a modest apartment with her mother in Edinburgh, she said.

Now, she owns a flashy purple Range Rover, two residential properties and has traveled the globe with the lottery cash, she said.

But the lavish lifestyle has only made her feel “empty” inside, she said.

“People look at me and think, ‘I wish I had her lifestyle, I wish I had her money.’ But they don’t realize the extent of my stress. I have material things but apart from that my life is empty,” she said.

My heart breaks for ya, kid. But there’s a very simple and easy way to lift this awful curse, you know. And I can think of at least one poverty-stricken, aging professional musician and blogger who would be more than willing to sacrifice his own happiness to help you out. Just avail yourself of the e-mail info over in the sidebar for his name, address, and bank account info. I can assure you he’ll get back to you toot damned sweet, and soon your “troubles” will be over. Any other lottery winners with a case of the sads out there are wholeheartedly encouraged to do the same.

Jeez. She wasn’t “too young” to win the lottery; she was too stupid and self-absorbed. I’d be willing to bet more than she won that if you asked her mom how she felt about it, you’d get a very different answer. And I also suspect that, as with a good number of lottery winners, her “problem” will soon solve itself, and she’ll be back to her cramped apartment and crappy menial job…if they’ll have her back, that is.

(Via Sarah Hoyt)

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1 thought on “Problems, problems

  1. I can’t think of one poverty stricken , semi professional musician who needs the money. I know an old bald headed, half ripple, c.f. reader who does. You have my e -mail address, send cash.

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