Moderate: Okay, gentlemen… take 5 paces, then turn and shoot. SJW has won the coin toss and will shoot first. Understood?
SJW: turns and points pistol, hand trembling in terror
Moderate: looks at SJW scornfully Two…
SJW: CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE! shoots in Conservative’s general direction… misses horribly
Conservative: What the deuce? turns around You bastard!
SJW: How dare you turn around! You’re not a gentleman!
Moderate: Conservative! You must take three more paces before you may turn around!
Conservative: That coward shot at me after two!
Moderate: Do not lower yourself to his level! Death before dishonor!
Conservative: That doesn’t mean what you think it does! aims at SJW
SJW: EEK! cowers
Moderate: How dare you! draws pistol on Conservative If you do not turn around this instant, I shall shoot you myself, you dishonorable cur!
In my version, the conservative would have just shot both of them immediately. It’s the only way to be sure, you know.