Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

Wherein I helpfully solve a problem for Scott Adams

No, it’s not about Trump.

I’ve been trying for several months to buy a Chevy Truck, for a variety of functional and recreational purposes.

It turns out you can’t do that. Yes, I was surprised too.

To be fair, I do see people buying Chevy trucks all the time, but I call them victims, not customers. That’s different than what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to identify the truck I want, then buy it, without being a victim. I’m aiming for more of a “customer” situation.

You think that’s easy?

Try looking at the thousands of options for each truck. Then notice how little you know about each option. The infinite options guarantee that you will feel bad about whatever you pick. Science says people get anxious when they have too many choices. Chevy gives you infinite choices for features, and most of those choices matter, because trucks are tools. So there’s no real way to be happy about buying a truck because you’ll always think you could have done better picking options. And you would be right. No one can pick the right feature set out of a million options. So buyer’s remorse is guaranteed at step one, before you even start.

Well, I can think of one option that would almost certainly eliminate the buyer’s-remorse problem: buy a Ford.

Ahem. Yeah, I know; sorry, Bowtie guys. But you CF lifers already know I’m a dyed-in-the-wool, born-and-bred Ford guy, so there.

On a slightly more serious note, though, I do miss the old days, when a ton of good-natured ribbing went on between devotees of the various American marques. Now, who really cares? One anonymous egg-mobile is pretty much like another. Granted, new cars are superior to the old ones I love so much in pretty much every way, at least in terms of technology, ease of use, handling, gas mileage, etc. But I still say they ain’t got no soul, and I do miss all the back and forth about which rules and which drools between Ford, Chevy, and Mopar. Not to even mention all the snickering we all did about the danged rice-burners.

While we’re at it, somebody ought to bring back the Packard, too.


I mean, come ON, people. Tell me that ain’t slicker’n owl shit.


6 thoughts on “Wherein I helpfully solve a problem for Scott Adams

  1. The new Mustang is gorgeous-there are 2 of them on my block, one dark grey and one a reddish orange, beautiful cars.

    I had Fords all my life until they did me really wrong about 10 years ago-It’s been Titan since and I won’t ever go back.

  2. Why anyone would consider a vehicle from the incompetent asshats at Government Motors is beyond me.

  3. I used to hate Fords with the white hot passion of a thousand suns, thanks largely to my childhood experiences with horrid things like fox body Mustangs, 80s Granadas, and other such dreck. That ended when I got a deal I couldn’t say no to on a F350 work truck– fucker would not die, and for no lack of trying on my part. It’s got 400k miles on it now, and is still in service, where all of the others from marques I won’t mention are long gone.

    The complete conversion for me happened when they pulled their heads out of their asses in the early oughts and decided that, okay, we’ll actually make good, fast cars you might actually want to buy. The Mustang has been a world beater since ’05. The fucking FOCUS, of all things, in ST/RS trim is probably my most recommended buy to non-car folk. The trucks are as bomb proof as ever. And for extra frosting, they did all that without any Zero gravy.

    Plus my local dealers all seem to give a shit that I exist and might actually be inclined to give them money at some point. Double plus all my local dealers still exist, unlike certain other marques.

    Ford in the 80s and 90s was on the long hard path to Dreckville– but unlike most they got it together and these days just build a damn fine car for a reasonable amount of cash.

  4. This is a Ford family as well. Just an observation on the change in trucks over time. My first new truck was a 1976 F150. It turned out to be a real poor choice. 360 V8 that was failing before it hit 30K miles. Wheel bearings gone at 20K, floorboards rusted through at three years, the transmission shot at 70K, radiator done at 15K. You’d wonder why I went back but then we got a ’97 F250 Heavy Duty which became the Super Duty in ’98. It was a good truck. Big block with all the options. The downside was it was the roughest riding thing you could imagine and 6mpg at best. Although the two trucks were built 20 years apart, they were similar in dash layout and appearance. Easy to tell they were cousins at least. This past winter we bought a 2016 F350 Lariat. The 20 years from the ’97 F250 until now has brought out a completely new vehicle. No comparisons to each other exist except the name plate. It’s quiet, comfortable, three times the fuel economy with amazing electronics. Two of the features I wouldn’t have thought of are the backup camera for hooking up a trailer and the engine airbrake. Hooking up a trailer by yourself was always a trial if the trailer was too heavy to push the tongue around. You’d be in and out of the truck a dozen times until the ball was exactly right before turning the post crank. Coming down a steep pass with the trailer on used to be a hot brake operation at best. Now, with the airbrake, you touch the brakes until you hit desired speed and the airbrake holds the speed for you. It eases up on flatter spots and bears down on steeper spots. At my age this will probably be the last truck I buy but it’s a real pleasure to witness what I believe is a triumph of American technology.

  5. I suspect this is more of Scott Adams typical satire. He’s more than bright
    enough to figure out how to select and pay for only those options he needs and to custom order whatever vehicle he wants. And I have zero doubt he can afford
    whatever price may be charged. I think he’s just trying to skewer the practice
    that is commonplace among automakers to load down new cars with lots of bells and whistles so that people will either have to hunt or wait for exactly what they want or pay more than they really wish to have a vehicle now.

  6. NO FORDS. Hell no, Never buy a ford

    The Ford Foundation, formed in New York in 1936 and with current assets of $10 billion. Source of funds: Henry and Edsel Ford, with profits derived from The Ford Motor Company, automobiles.

    Ford’s Financing of the Communists

    Ford puts Soros to shame when it comes to funding Communists

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"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." – Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution

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