Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

Wit and wisdom

Bo Diddley had it:

Bo Diddley’s Guide To Survival

Alcohol and Drugs Only drink Grand Marnier, and that’s to keep the throat from drying up in a place where there’s a lot of smoke. As for drugs: a big NO!

Food Eat anytime, anything you can get your hands on. I mean it!

Health Whenever you get to feeling weird, take Bayer aspirin. I can’t stand taking all that other bullshit.

Money Always take a lawyer with you, and then bring another lawyer to watch him.

Defense I can’t go around slapping people with my hands or else I’d go broke. So I take karate, and kick when I fight. Of course, I got plenty of guns – one real big one. But guns are for people trying to take your home, not some guy who makes you mad. I used to be a sheriff down in New Mexico for two and a half years, so I know not to pull it right away.

Cows If they wanna play, and you don’t wanna make pets out of ‘em, and you can’t eat ‘em – then get rid of ‘em!

Women If you wanna meet a nice young lady, then you try to smell your best. A girl don’t like nobody walking up in her face smelling like a goat. Then, you don’t say crap like “Hey, don’t I know you?” The first thing you ask her is: “Are you alone?” If she tells you that she’s with her boyfriend, then you see if the cat’s as big as you. If you don’t have no money, just smell right. And for God’s sake don’t be pulling on her and slapping on her. You don’t hit the girls! If you do this, you can’t miss.

Hearing Just don’t put your ears in the speakers.

The bit about cows is especially useful.

(Via Maet)

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2 thoughts on “Wit and wisdom

  1. “Cows If they wanna play, and you don’t wanna make pets out of ‘em, and you can’t eat ‘em – then get rid of ‘em!”
    I’m going to write this one down so I don’t forget.

  2. “Only drink Grand Marnier.” No, no no. Vodka. Because you can mix it with anything and it not only keeps the throat from drying up, it doubles and an analgesic, and as an antibacterial agent. Plus which it gets you drunk a lot faster than Grand Marnier. 😛

    I agree on the cows and girls, though – especially the no pulling and snapping bit – that might cause a mutual inspection of guns…

    Good one.

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