Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

Stop the oppression: MUSTACHES EVEN MORE BANNED!

You just gotta love these guys. Which is why I’m refraining from cracking any jokes about soup-strainers and nut-dusters and such here.

In spite of its critics, there is, in fact, no government waste related to our efforts unless AMI’s Stache Act campaign will somehow be used to fund soccer fields for imprisoned terrorists at Guantanamo Bay or to conduct hearings on steroids in baseball. And counter to what the embarrassingly ill-informed Ms. Azfali charges, the proposed Act is in no way “sexist,” as it would refund her well-used expenses on eyebrow and lip waxing.

The simple truth is that we at the American Mustache Institute are leading perhaps the greatest tax-mitigation movement in the history of tax-mitigation movements. We seek fairness, equity, and social justice for the common man — the Mustached American. While at the same time, sitting on sidelines and doing nothing but criticizing their colleagues and opponents are some very silly bare faced mortals who find it more productive to attack the kindness of a congressional office they can only dream of occupying. They grandstand about the government waste which they themselves largely create, and their useless and argumentative banter is what is definitively wasteful and wrong with America.

Can’t argue with that.

(Via Bill)

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