Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

A project which needs to seek no approval, for obvious reasons.

I am baking the Manliest Bread EVARR!!!!!111elebenty!!!!!!1  Because real men bake their own damned bread.  Dammit.

Wrap your noggins around this concept: Bacon. Jalapeno. Cheesy. Beer. Bread.  The sheer awesomeness of the concept forced that punctuation, I swear.

On a related note, wimminfolk say the damnedest things.  “Why are we cooking bacon?”

Um, what?!?

  1. We aren’t cooking a damned thing.  You are playing some MMOWTF, I am cooking bacon.
  2. Because I am making the Manliest Bread EVAR!, and doing so requires bacon.
  3. Since when does bacon need a reason?  Bacon is it’s own damned reason.

Taste report to follow sometime tomorrow, if any of the partygoers are manly enough to eat a slice.


6 thoughts on “A project which needs to seek no approval, for obvious reasons.

  1. I’m not sure if I’m going to make it to the party, the way the house smells. I may end up eating the whole damned loaf and calling in to work dead tomorrow.

  2. This one made me laugh out loud — so the wife asked what was amusing.

    After explaining, she said that she had some recipes for bread with cheese and beer; and adding bacon and jalapenos through the candied fruit hopper in the bread-maker would just work. So, did we have any bacon? — because it sounded like a great idea.

  3. It’s 0700 on a Sat morning and I’m digging in the garage for the breadmaker. For the love of God man, give us the recipe! Screw that whole wheat, whole grain, honey, fruitti-tutti sissy shit, I WANT REAL BREAD damnit!

  4. Okay, here’s the report:

    Don’t use fresh jalapenos, if you use them at all. They add a bitter bell peppery taste that overwhelms any heat that might have survived 45 minutes in a 350 degree oven.

    Start with at least two cups of cheese, the single cup I used was insufficient.

    Likewise start with at least 8 slices of bacon, cooked and chopped. If you cook it enough to crumble it, you cooked it too much.

    I used the Hillbilly Housewife (on the intarwebnutz, use your search engine) recipe, reducing the sugar to 3 tablespoons and increasing the baking powder to 3.5 teaspoons. Also, add about 15 to 20 minutes of rising time in the pan before you put it in the oven. And unless you like a really tough top crust, forget about pouring the butter over the top. Use some to grease the pan, though. Or if you’re feeling outstandingly manly, use some of the leftover bacon grease.

    This is a no-knead recipe, so the texture is a bit crumblier than you might expect. Still, lots of potential for noodling around, and quite delicious when done right.

  5. “bacon is it’s own damned reason”

    This is the most important sentence I have ever read.

Comments are closed.



"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." – Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution

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