Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01

Top Ten Van Jones-Fun Fast Food Facts!

Mr. McBushBash Gets a Job!

First, I’d like to welcome Mr. Jones to the real world of fast-food employment, where supply meets demand, where customers needs are met through a free exchange between a willing buyer and a willing seller.

Yes, we know that the freedom will be a little disorienting for you at first–it’s a little bit different than the top-down command economy of government invented-jobs and mandated consumers, forced to purchase the Government Dog Food.

And there is very little North Vietnamese cuisine you’ve grown used to in Berkeley–but on the bright side, we think you’ll like your bright red uniform!

Oh, and Van–don’t be late. You’re not in Washington anymore. In the real world, people actually get fired for that–although, ironically, not for being a Communist. Which is also the reason they hired you. Again, irony. Still, don’t be late.

And now, our Top 10 Van Jones quotes, quips and zany interactions with customers:

10.) “The President told me if I played my cards right, I might one day succeed Mayor McCheese.”

9.) “Statehood for McDonaldland Now!”

8.) “I went from $30 Billion Dollars to ‘Over 30 Billion Sold’.”

7.) “Thank’s to Global Warming, our “Frosties” will now be known as “Melties”.”

6.) “New Product idea: the MarxMelt, made with real Government Cheese!”

5.) “Society made the Hamburglar do it!”

4.) “When I finally ban cars, this will be a Bike-Thru window.”

3.) “One day, it’s ‘Hope and Change’; the next day, it’s ‘Hope your change is correct.'”

2.) “I went ahead and put some 30 weight in the deep fryer–I believe we should be able to run this stuff in our cars. Say, do you people have any idea how much methane is released just to make one Triple Bacon-ator? No? Me either.”

And the Number One Van Jones-Fun Fast Food Fact:

“French Revolution Fries with that?”


1 thought on “Top Ten Van Jones-Fun Fast Food Facts!

  1. Glenn Beck did a hell of a job on reporting about Van Jones. The thing I worry about with this Chicago Mob in charge is Glenn will be Jimmy Hoffa’d. (or however you might spell that).

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